Chapter 2: Spill the Tea Sis
James
watched as Clandestine walked in, and her eyes scanned the room
quickly. It was a simple bedroom, and though it lacked personality, it
had anything he would've needed. There was a sizeable bed layered with
thick blankets, a heavy dresser with spare clothes and sheets, and a
long wooden desk that held several miscellaneous books, only with tools
for writing. Sitting on the edge of the desk was a tall sitting lamp
with a dark metal frame that cradled the dancing flame hiding under the
thin lampshade.
It
was enough to dimly light up the room, but as was expected for what was
essentially an underground bunker to keep the mages hidden, light was
hard to come by. It had only been a day, but he missed the sun.
But
the sun would have to wait, and so would the rest of life on the
surface as long as they were hidden in the depths of the earth.
Clandestine
continued to scan the room, like she was looking for a place to sit.
As James closed the door behind her, she turned back to him
expectantly, watching him with wide eyes for a cue of some kind.
She offered him a small smile.
It
was a conversation James knew needed to happen, but the moment it came,
he realized he wasn't nearly as prepared for it as he thought he was.
He nodded back to Clandestine, briefly meeting her eyes before he too,
looked about the room and gestured to the chair at the desk.
"Here," he said. "You can sit if you'd like."
He
walked past her, watching out of the corner of his eyes as she pulled
out the chair and turned it towards him. She hesitated though, standing
with one hand on the back of the chair as she watched him. He found
himself wandering only a few feet away to the edge of the bed, and he
sat down on it heavily, turning to face her with a long sigh. Finally,
she sat down too.
He knew she was waiting for him to start.
He
closed his eyes, trying to remember the hazy memory from what was only a
month ago. She knew James was his real name, but he didn't get any
further than that. At least, not before Carter shot him.
"My
name is James Hawke," he said slowly, deciding to start there. "I was
born in the Moonlight Kingdom outside of a small town called New Haven,
on a farm. I had... a family."
He
paused, glancing up at Clandestine. She was leaning forward in her seat
with her arms folded across her knees, watching him attentively. He
hadn't expected to meet her eyes and found himself quickly looking
away, down at the floor.
This
shouldn't be so hard, he thought to himself. It's just a story. A
true story, but you tell stories all the time.
He could see a question forming at the edge of Clandestine's tongue, but he leaped to speak before she could ask it.
"My
mother and father were farmers," he said. "They grew roots. Carrots,
beets, potatoes. We had animals. And a garden. And I was the firstborn.
Four years later, they had my sister."
He paused with his mouth barely open, stumbling over her name.
"Larrel," he said slowly.
Another pause passed, but Clandestine didn't break it, and James couldn't seem to manage to look up at her.
"It's
been a long time since I've talked about them," he said as a quiet
confession, staring at his hands held together loosely in his lap. "To
anyone, really. But I think about them all the time. When the day is
done, and I close my eyes, I think of them again. And though the
memories get dull with time, I..."
He
sighed, flicking a gaze up to Clandestine only long enough to see a
glimpse of her face. Empathy read through her dark brows, drawn into a
line over her eyes, still locked onto him.
James let out a weak laugh, trying to bury the deep ache in his chest.
"When
I was ten, goblins raided my family's farm," he said. "And my father
stayed back long enough to hold them off so my mother, sister, and I
could get away safely. From then on, we were refugees. We fled to New
Haven first, but the raids had touched all of the farms surrounding the
town, and they were drowning in displaced survivors in need of a home,
with no ways to guarantee safety. So we fled again. We caught a caravan
that drew us closer to the Moonlight Kingdom capitol, and closer to the
mountains and the winter chill. We ended up in a city. Grenfell. Have
you ever been?"
He
glanced up at Clandestine as a weak attempt to interrupt his own
monologue and invite the opportunity for her to share something.
Anything. And he would be content if the conversation never returned to
him afterward.
"I
was there for a job, once," Clandestine commented, but her tone felt
almost uncharacteristically gentle, almost like she was afraid she'd
scare him off. Or maybe James was overthinking it, and she was only
speaking softly to match his own sober tone.
"Monster hunting?" James asked. "In Grenfell?"
"Well,
it was outside the city gates," Clandestine clarified. "If there's
anything I've learned about Moonlight Kingdom cities, it's that they're
really good at making fortified walls. But those walls don't always
extend to..."
As she trailed off, James could see the realization in her face as her brows arched together in apology.
"Small towns," he said. "I know."
Clandestine pursed her lips together and let a huff of air out her nose.
"It was wind wolves, that time," she said softly. "I bet you've at least seen them before, right?"
"Only when blizzards hit," James answered.
"Yeah,"
Clandestine echoed back. "The only way to get rid of them is to drive
them off. But... I wanted to hear the rest of your story."
She smiled again, ever so slightly.
"So you ended up in Grenfell," she said. "Were you safe there?"
James stared at her for a moment before he dragged his eyes to another point in the room with an unfocused gaze.
"Safe,
yes," he said faintly. "But we had nothing. Nothing but the clothes on
our back and the horse we fled out on, the latter of which was sold,because we couldn't afford to keep it, and we needed the money for food.
The kingdom has provisions to help refugees, but fifteen years ago...
cities were being overwhelmed."
He was tempted to skip to the end.
"To make a long story short," he said. "My mother remarried into a wealthy family and I became a soldier."
He squinted, drawing his mouth into a line as he pulled the corners of his lips back, trying not to cringe at his own summation.
"Wait, you mother...?" Clandestine spoke after a delay. "You never said your father..."
"Died," James completed the sentence. "A spear through his chest."
The
silence that followed was thick and uncomfortable. Though James was
well accustomed to silence, this was not the kind he liked to endure. He
flicked his eyes back up to Clandestine and he regretted when their eyes
met once more. However, she looked away first, but instead of letting
the silence continue, she got up out of her chair and walked over,
sitting beside him on the bed with just a few inches between them. He
felt the mattress shift under her weight.
He
half-tilted his head towards her, watching her out of the corner of his
eyes. He was anticipating her to reach out, but to his surprise, she
didn't. She just sat there.
"I'm so sorry you lost your dad," she said quietly. "I know it was a long time ago now, but... that stuff stays with you."
James held his hands together in his lap a little tighter, tapping one thumb over the other.
"...Thanks," he said stiffly. "I appreciate it."
Neither of them spoke for another passing moment, but James kept flicking his eyes towards her in anticipation.
"You
know," Clandestine said quietly. "I never knew my parents, really. They
uh... sent me away when I was a little kid, and I don't really remember
much of that now. But Sylva, the one who taught me everything I know
about monster hunting, if you remember me mentioning her... she was like
a mother to me. Or at least, I guess as much as I think a mom would be
since I never really knew any different."
James
looked over to her, seeing that Clandestine was looking out into the
room in thought. Her eyes looked sad, cast down to the floor.
"I really miss her," Clandestine said softly, and there was something in her tone that seemed to breathe of the present.
He
couldn't help but wonder how much of that sentiment was reflective of
how she felt at finally meeting other mages, and discovering that there
had been a guild of mages all these years, kept in hiding.
"What was your dad's name?" Clandestine asked suddenly, looking over to him.
"Allen," James answered. "My mother was named Jane."
"Hm," Clandestine hummed. "And Larrel."
"Yes," James said.
"What was your father like?" Clandestine asked.
James blinked and looked back at his hands, still clasped loosely together.
"He was kind," James said quietly. "Honest. Patient. He was a good father and a good man."
James
tried to remember his father's face, and the few vivid memories he
still held onto from when his father was still alive. His father's death
was forever burned into his mind, but now it felt distant, almost
like it happened to someone else. He knew he'd been there, clinging to
his mother's waist, with his fingers digging into her shirt. She'd told
him not to look back, but he did anyway. His father was facing away from
them, towards the group of goblins tearing through their fields. One of
them raised a spear over their head, and launched it... and his father
was too slow.
It
felt so small compared to everything else he'd endured in the past few
years, but he knew that that moment had been a turning point.
"I... was never the same after he died," James found himself confessing quietly.
There
was a heavy weight in his chest, like a yoke he bore around his neck.
It was always there, but at moments like this, he felt it. Every
collective loss, but at the heart of it, it all started with his
father.
"When
I was a boy, all I ever wanted was to be like my dad," James said. "He
was gentle, honorable, loyal, respected. He loved my family well, and
though we lived a very simple life of hard work, he always managed to
find joy in it. He was the happiest person I knew."
James let out a long, deep sigh.
"I'm ashamed of who I've become," he said lowly. "And things I've done in my past."
He
closed his eyes tightly for a moment, mustering up courage before he
looked to Clandestine. Briefly, he met her eyes. She was leaning forward
again, but this time, sitting beside him. He couldn't help but feel
like her eyes say through him, but in his gut, he knew that he was never
as transparent as he felt. At least, not anymore.
"There's no easy way to say it," he said stiffly. "I ran away from home. I ran off to go become a soldier."
Clandestine's eyes widened, and her eyebrows arched and pulled upward.
"Just like that?" she asked.
Well,
no. There were reasons why. It was just painful to think about it now. Logically, James could understand that it didn't make sense
to hold his guilt so heavily over his head for the decision he made as
an eleven-year-old, but when the decision he made back then changed the
entire course of his life, it was difficult to do anything but blame
himself. Especially since they'd already lost enough.
James closed his eyes again and took in a deep breath.
"With
my father gone," he said slowly. "The pressure to support our family
fell on my mother... and on me. I don't fault my mother for it anymore,
because I understand that she was grieving as well, but where she became
absent, I ended up stepping in for my little sister. I took up a job as
a pageboy and servant at a wealthy estate to help support us. In the
following months, my mother started to form a relationship with a wealthy
businessman and they made plans to get married within the year. It all
happened very fast."
"That all happened in a year?" Clandestine asked.
James hesitated, looking over to her.
"Yes..." he said, letting every letter work its way out gradually like it was its own syllable.
Clandestine stared at him, eyes wide.
"James, that's a lot," she said.
He stared back at her for just a second before his eyes darted off to the side.
"I know," he said, not sure what else to say. "I-- I mean, that's not the end of it."
Clandestine
nodded slowly, looking at him and waiting for him to continue. He
flicked his eyes back over to her only for a moment, trying to
anticipate her reaction. He found himself bracing for it, because he
knew once he said it, there would be a million questions, and rightfully
so.
"There
was a boy who lived at the estate where I worked," James said. "He was
the son of the family that lived there, and we became fast friends. He
was the reason I became a soldier in the first place. His family was
moving, and he was willing to pull strings to bring me with him... a
very big favor for a desperate kid that turned out to be less a favor
and more of a bargaining chip and a tool that was later used as
leverage. But... I'm getting ahead of myself."
He looked back at Clandestine, trying to search her for a reaction before he said anything.
Just say it.
"It was the Haddon Estate," he said.
Clandestine stared at him blankly. It didn't seem to register.
"Carter Haddon was the boy. We were childhood friends," he continued, waiting for it to hit. Still, she stared back blankly.
"Now he's otherwise known as Commander Haddon," James said. "Or... the man who captured you."
He
watched as the concern faded from Clandestine's face, and her eyes went
wide for a moment, unfocused as her eyebrows raised in realization. She
stared through James for a second before her eyes snapped back into
focus, and her eyebrows furrowed together.
"Wait,"
she said, her voice rising just a little. "You were friends with that guy? The pretentious, short soldier dude with the mustache
and goatee? The smug one who tried to kill me? Who tried to kill you?!"
James forced a weak grimace of a smile.
Yes, that was him.
"Thanks for the nutshelling."
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