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Young Writers Society



The Lost Dragon Chapter 8.3 (LMS VI)

by soundofmind


Chapter 8: Into the Fire

Alexander moved rapidly, but he didn't topple over. Instead, he reached for something on his chest. James's eyes went wide as he saw the throw happen mid-motion.

James rolled to the side as something whizzed through the air, landing on the ground beside him with a shk, a mere foot from his head.

A knife?

So much for being wanted alive. No one seemed to care about that, did they?

If James had hit Alexander, it didn't make a difference. James jumped to his feet.

Alexander was already on the ground, barreling towards him. Alexander flicked his hand again. Instinctively, James dodged.

Something whizzed by him, but he saw nothing.

Darts, he guessed. Alexander wouldn't want to waste losing them all to the grass.

James sent a shot toward Alexander, but he missed. The shot rang out, echoing through the valley.

Alexander swooped in.

Swing. Dodge. Miss.

For a few seconds, neither of them made any contact with one another other. In rapid succession, every hit or attempt to grab the other was met with empty air as they dodged every blow.

Alexander's arm swung overhead. James ducked.

As he sprung back up, he could feel something drip down his back.

Blood.

His shoulder was bleeding again. The pain would register later.

Alexander reached into his jacket. James shot again.

The brief flash from the gun made his vision go white for a second too long. What he saw next was the quiver of Alexander's leg for a split second before he was reeling backward.

Alexander swiped a dagger through the air.

James dove to the side. As Alex brought his arm down, James shot upward again.

At the sight of his gun, Alexander leaned back. But James hit.

At least, he thought so.

Alexander dropped his dagger but quickly spun around James. James's feet were fast, and he followed so that Alex never got behind him.

But now that he was facing the other direction, he saw something behind Alexander.

A shadow.

A rider.

A horse.

Only a second of hesitation.

Alexander grabbed James's wrist and ripped him forward, popping the gun out of his hand. It disappeared into the grass.

James shot his free hand upward and punched Alexander's chin.

His teeth cracked together, and Alexander stumbled backward. James threw himself forward, and with all of his weight pushed Alexander to the ground. But as Alexander bounced back off of James's shoulders, he shot his hands out and propelled himself back to his feet.

But James was ready.

Before Alexander could stand to his full height, James grabbed his head with both hands. He held Alexander's head steady as he slammed his forward.

Forehead met forehead. Skull met skull. Alexander grunted and stumbled back again, catching himself as he fell.

James clenched his bloodied fist, ready to go in for another hit. But then Alexander glanced behind him.

Alexander backpedaled and ran out of the way. When James looked up to see what Alexander saw, he found himself staring into a ball of fire flying through the air.

James's eyes went wide.

He dropped to the ground.

The fire narrowly missed him. He could feel the blazing heat singe his skin as the flames brushed past his face and hit the ground.

Instantly, the grass caught fire.

"Sorry!" Clandestine's voice carried over the sound of flames crackling.

No. No.

James sprung to his feet. The flames were already crawling closer, eating at the space between him and Alexander.

There was a wall of fire. It separated him and the bounty hunter, but Clandestine also stood on the other side of the wall. His heart began to race as the flames eagerly jumped from blade to blade, and further down the creek, the wild horses begin to stir and flee the scene.

Alexander was back on his feet. He rushed towards Clandestine.

James ran.

Clandestine readied another ball of fire in her palm. Alexander flicked his hand toward her before he even closed the distance, and Clandestine flinched.

"Hey!" she shouted, the fire in her hands dissipating as she touched her arm. Grabbing something.

"What's... what is this?" she sputtered.

She stumbled backward as Alexander pulled out a knife and she fell, scrambling away.

"What did you--?" Clandestine sputtered again. Her movements were slowed.

James cut through the fire, jumping over the growing flames. The heat licked at his ankles, but he flew through it, speeding ahead.

His heart beat inside his skull, and a high-pitched ringing pierced his ears, drowning out the noise around him.

He was fixated.

The glint of moonlight on Alexander's dagger. Clandestine, now prone. Alexander, standing over Clandestine like a shadow. A shadow of every killer and every consequence that had followed James since he left the kingdom.

Alexander barely turned his head to see James coming.

They collided.

They both flew through the air and hit the ground with a grunt. They bounced off of each other and James caught himself while Alexander rolled to the side, back turned to him.

Alexander's dagger glinted in the flattened grass beside him, and James shot his hand out, wrapping his fingers around the hilt. His ears were still ringing. He didn't hear Alexander move. It was only when Alexander flung himself at him that he realized what was happening.

Alexander was on top of him.

James lifted the dagger. Alexander grabbed his wrist before he could make contact.

James shot out his other hand and grabbed Alexander's opposite wrist, but it wasn't until he caught it that he realized what kind of weapon Alexander had pulled.

A syringe.

For a moment, James stared at the sheer size of it.

The sun was setting. The light was fading. Somewhere, in the distance, the sun had dipped behind the hill and all that remained was the residual light in the darkening sky and the light of the growing flames eating away at the grass, ever inching toward them.

The firelight danced off the glass of the syringe, piercing through the semi-transparent liquid of a purple hue. The needle seemed hauntingly long as it hovered over James's shoulder as if it were trying to reach him while they stayed there, hands interlocked with wrists, each keeping the other from piercing through the skin.

James knew what he was staring at.

The syringe was filled with lumshade. It had to have been what Alexander laced his darts with as well. It was the chosen weapon of the kingdom and their mage hunters - known for its ability to temporarily neutralize magic and knock out an opponent within seconds with even a small dosage.

And he was staring at a whole syringe full of it.

His bleeding shoulder finally began to register pain as Alexander applied all of his strength and body weight to push against James's grasp. Naturally, the arm keeping the syringe from stabbing him was the same one connected to that shoulder.

Pain shot up to his hand. He tightened his grip.

This stalemate wouldn't last forever. The fire was growing. Clandestine was unconscious. James could feel his arms beginning to tremble. Such was the disadvantage of being underneath his opponent.

"I see we're both right-handed," James said through grit teeth. "Otherwise, this wouldn't--"

"Who's the girl?" Alexander cut in.

His gaze was piercing.

James tried to think of a way out of this.

"I know the kingdom sent you," James hissed.

The heat of the fire drew closer. Clandestine was just outside its reach.

Alexander let out a laugh, and for a moment, the two of them pushed against one another's strength. Both of their hands were growing sweaty, and James knew it had to be the heat of the fire adding to the shine on Alexander's brow.

Pain shot up James's arm again. He clenched his teeth, knowing he couldn't hold this forever.

"You know," Alexander said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Carter's been getting anxious. You haven't been home in six years."

Carter. So it was true. Alexander wasn't just the king's hunter. He was the army's hunting dog, too.

But if Alexander was referring to Carter by his first name... that meant they were friends.

Or Alexander believed them to be friends.

"Glad to know that someone still misses me," James said through grit teeth.

He could feel his shoulder growing wet along with the ground beneath him.

"Funny how after all this time," Alexander said, his voice growing quieter. "He still wants you back alive."

Alexander's voice fell to a whisper.

"So he can kill you himself."

Alexander's attention was locked onto James's expression.

This was his window.

James held eye contact.

"If that's what he really wanted," James said, feeling his strength wane. "Then why isn't he here?"

Alexander started to laugh. Then James relented.

What happened next was in quick succession.

First, the long needle of the syringe pushed into James's shoulder with the power of Alexander's full weight and all of the pent-up pressure behind it.

Less than a second after, James lost the dagger in his hand as Alexander ripped it away.

But at the same moment, James's left hand was free.

And Alexander was right-handed.

And Alexander had a gun. On his right hip.

While Alexander was preoccupied with emptying the full contents of the syringe into James's system, James reached for Alexander's holster and ripped the gun out of its cage. Without even seeing it, he knew by touch alone that it was a six-shooter, similar to his own.

He flipped off the safety. His finger found the trigger. He pointed it into Alexander's side.

The impact of the gunshot felt like a burst of energy between them.

Alexander let out a cry of pain. James pushed him off with all of his might remaining and began to run, already feeling his body entering the precious few seconds between consciousness and unconsciousness.

The world around him was on fire. His hands were slick with sweat. The syringe remained stuck in his shoulder like an arrow, swaying with each step.

When had his ears stopped ringing?

Alexander let out a strangled cry behind him.

James stumbled up to Clandestine, whose body lay mere inches from the fire.

Steeling himself, he reached down and brought his arms under hers.

The world around him was beginning to spin.

What about Elliot? He was tied to a tree. He couldn't run away. What about Clandestine's horse? Who was going to put out the fire? What if it spread out of control? When would the town of Bone spot it? Would they even be able to contain it?

What about Alexander?

James dragged Clandestine through the grass as quickly as his legs would take him. He was starting to lose feeling in his arms, at first. Then his legs. For a moment, they still moved without sensation.

Then they started to give out. First, it was his left arm. Then his left leg.

Just a little further.

He fell to the ground, crawling. Dragging Clandestine beside him.

We just have to get to the water.

He could hear the creek. The faint sloshing of slow-moving water felt all the more distant with the increasing heat of the fire encroaching upon them.

His body gave out when his hand touched dirt. He couldn't move anymore. His breaths were ragged.

James looked down at Clandestine.

In the flickering light of the fire, he could make out her face. Unconscious. Unaware of the fate to befall them both.

She came all this way to have died for nothing.

As darkness crept in around him and the cold grip of drug-induced slumber pulled him under, the last thing he saw was Clandestine's eyes flutter open.


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Sat Mar 11, 2023 3:14 am
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SilverNight wrote a review...



Heya sound! I'm back again <3

A little note about my current reviewing habits-- I wanted to make sure your newest chapters get some reviewing love, so although I've made sure to read everything since the last chapter I reviewed, I'm picking up again here since this part doesn't have quite as many reviews yet. However, I imagine that in the future I won't be skipping reviews of any chapters that have made it out of the Green Room, so I should be consistent from here on :]

That being said, I am very !!! :o about those latest chapters! I love how Clandestine's already decided James is worth taking risks for (she's being very cool right now, go Clandestine) and I just know that this is gonna be so great.

So much for being wanted alive. No one seemed to care about that, did they?


Shaking my head at Alexander, he's trying to kill James (for that I do not like him) and then wouldn't even get the money for that like WHAT is the point man das very rood

Alexander reached into his jacket. James shot again.

The brief flash from the gun made his vision go white for a second too long. What he saw next was the quiver of Alexander's leg for a split second before he was reeling backward.


The action is really good and you do a great job of keeping it suspenseful and dramatic. It goes by fast, which is keeping me very interested and on the edge of my seat, though sometimes a detail gets confusing. For this part in particular, I'm not sure whether this means Alexander got shot or not (what does the leg quiver mean happened exactly?) and who it was who went reeling backwards.

Instantly, the grass caught fire.

"Sorry!" Clandestine's voice carried over the sound of flames crackling.

No. No.


I had a bit of a hard time figuring out what James's internal panic is actually about. My best guesses are that the fire spreading is very worrying to him as it increases the danger of this whole situation, or maybe he's afraid for Clandestine's safety because she's brought herself into this fight and also showed Alexander that she's a mage? I feel like it's mostly one thing rather than both together that he's reacting to, but I'm not quite sure which it is.

"What did you--?" Clandestine sputtered again. Her movements were slowed.


ohhhhh nooooo this is gonna be a problem >_>

The sun was setting. The light was fading. Somewhere, in the distance, the sun had dipped behind the hill and all that remained was the residual light in the darkening sky and the light of the growing flames eating away at the grass, ever inching toward them.

The firelight danced off the glass of the syringe, piercing through the semi-transparent liquid of a purple hue. The needle seemed hauntingly long as it hovered over James's shoulder as if it were trying to reach him while they stayed there, hands interlocked with wrists, each keeping the other from piercing through the skin.


I like these two paragraphs! The longer sentences and the descriptions in contrast with the shorter action sentences really create that effect of a still frame/a moment where time has slowed that you're going for, and it's very vivid in my mind.

The syringe was filled with lumshade. It had to have been what Alexander laced his darts with as well. It was the chosen weapon of the kingdom and their mage hunters - known for its ability to temporarily neutralize magic and knock out an opponent within seconds with even a small dosage.

And he was staring at a whole syringe full of it.


dang Alexander that's a liiiiiittle bit overkill don't ya think

This stalemate wouldn't last forever. The fire was growing. Clandestine was unconscious. James could feel his arms beginning to tremble. Such was the disadvantage of being underneath his opponent.


I think I missed the exact moment that Clandestine actually went unconscious as opposed to just collapsed on the ground, and even though this is a pretty busy scene, maybe that'd be a helpful moment to include even if it's just something James notices in the corner of his eye?

Less than a second after, James lost the dagger in his hand as Alexander ripped it away.

But at the same moment, James's left hand was free.

And Alexander was right-handed.

And Alexander had a gun. On his right hip.


OOOOOH clever James. I love this kind of quick thinking.

As darkness crept in around him and the cold grip of drug-induced slumber pulled him under, the last thing he saw was Clandestine's eyes flutter open.


yes yes y e s pls wake up Clandestine

~

I loved this chapter so much! The action and tension was great and super well-written, and the cliffhanger is so intense-- I'll be eagerly waiting for the next part of it. But James and Clandestine had better be okay when I see them again >.>

I'll be back to review more soon! Great work and thank you so much for this story :]

- silv <3




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Tue Feb 28, 2023 4:22 am
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Carina says...



the buildup here is so intense am at the edge of my seat 10/10 scene




soundofmind says...


hehehehehehehee
hehehehehehehee



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Sun Feb 26, 2023 7:49 am
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Benji wrote a review...



The Choreography here is great! didn't have a difficult time envisioning it all as it happened and both sides of the fight were easily understandable, each section is phrased like the attacks themselves, so that's fun way of incorporating text with actions lol. I feel like with some sections though they can be more leisurely grouped or stringed together to make the physical altercations in the writing flow a little easier on the eyes (though that could be in part to this site's formatting and the way I am viewing it... with my mole vision, so take this with a grain of salt). With all that said you definitely took the time to pepper in extra information that really add to the details around the fight too and doesn't feel out of place or that it holds up the fight. Of which, the first half feeling like a crashing wave after another, while the latter half as they begin to match wits and slow down, feels more draining and each blow pangs, it's really well thought out and felt out imo. Speaking of which, that fire... it feels like it's painting the entire chapter with it's heat, ramping up that feeling of danger and intensity. What follows really caught my attention and I feel is easily a highlight of both the chapter and your skills as a scene writer

The firelight danced off the glass of the syringe, piercing through the semi-transparent liquid of a purple hue. The needle seemed hauntingly long as it hovered over James's shoulder as if it were trying to reach him while they stayed there, hands interlocked with wrists, each keeping the other from piercing through the skin.
this was an especially poignant moment as suspense and helplessness hold you at gunpoint all the way till' the end, it's gripping, tense, and leaves you wondering what's gonna be the outcome, even beyond this chapter and the next ones, the stakes are high and I'm def gonna keep tuning in for more as it goes on until the end.




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Thu Feb 23, 2023 4:00 pm
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Anastazia says...



I am brand new to this site and stumbled upon this post of your story. I really enjoyed it and that ending statement - OMG! That was great.




soundofmind says...


Oh hey!! Thank you so much!




Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.
— Enid Bagnold