z

Young Writers Society



The Lost Dragon 28

by soundofmind


Chapter 28: She's So Hot She Caught on Fire Ba Dm Tsh

(this title is dedicated to @mydwindlingsanity)

Carter was doing something different, and Clandestine didn't know if it was bad or good, but she could only assume he had bad intentions.

She was being moved this time. Not for food, not for water, and not to help her go to the bathroom. The chair was getting taken away, and even though her body was still nearly numb all over, she could feel her joints ache as her arms and legs shifted. The cuffs that held her to the chair were replaced with giant metal gauntlets that swallowed her hands in capsules, and then they did the same thing for her feet.

The new cuffs were chained to the floor, but the chains looked like they would be just long enough for her to move, at least a little bit. Anything at this point would be better. Any amount of freedom for her muscles to stretch, for her body to shake off some of the stiffness. But she wasn't sure how far she'd be able to get.

The cuffs were heavy, and it felt like someone was sitting on her hands and feet to hold her down. She already couldn't move, but now she felt even more helpless.

Once her cuffs were secured, the servants helping her slowly exited the room. Even Carter backed out, only glancing back for a moment before he stepped through the door.

But instead of the solid steel door groaning shut, a different door passed over. One with bars. One she could see through, and Carter stood there, looking in.

He wanted to make her useful? What, by putting her on display, like some zoo?

It wasn't until she slowly started regaining feeling that she realized what was really changing.

He was going to stop drugging her. He was going to let her actually be able to move, even if she was still chained up. Even though she was glad for it she couldn't help but feel like it was an insult of some kind. Like she'd proven herself to not be as dangerous or intimidating as he first assumed. Almost as if he'd overestimated her power, and was now disappointed.

She glared at him.

"I think you deserve a little change of pace," Carter said, tapping his armored fingers against one of the metal bars with a rhythmic clinking.

"See, the king is a little disappointed that you're not all we'd hoped," he said, letting his eyes drag slowly over to her. "But in some ways, that plays into our favor. A weak dragon is easy to kill, and we wouldn't have to worry about that kind of power being in the wrong hands."

He shrugged slightly.

"I'm the only one who wants to keep you alive right now," he said, lowering his voice, and squatting down to look at her closer to her eye level. Because she was lying on the ground.

"If you can't prove yourself useful to me, in a minute, you'll be joining your traitorous friend in the ground."

Clandestine started to feel her blood burn again. The numbness started to peel away from her fingertips as pins and needles started to prick at her nerves. It was painful, but it was the first thing she'd felt in days. Weeks. She still didn't know how long. She wished she could flex her fingers to spread the sensation, but they were pressed securely between two walls of metal.

She took in a deep breath and huffed through her nose.

"Good, that's where I belong," she spat. But she had to swallow a knot threatening to form in her throat. She couldn't cry again. Not for Carter's entertainment.

Another deep breath and she closed her eyes.

She was back there. Back in the cave. Her freed hands slammed against the cavern walls and then she looked to the light ahead and rushed forward. She didn't know when Carter would interrupt her again. She had to hurry.

As she burst out of the cavern tunnel, the inside of the mountain opened up into a massive cave that stretched further and higher than she could comprehend. Ice crystals had formed in the ceiling, in the walls, and grew out of the floor like stone-carved bushes. And in the midst of the crystals, was a dragon.

She filled the whole room, curled in a ball, and a wave of fluttering fire seemed to peek through the cracks of her vibrantly red-orange scales. Her shoulders moved up and down with her slow, steady breaths, but otherwise, she was still.

Her long neck curved around her body and her head was laid in front, facing the place where Clandestine had entered, with her eyes closed. Clandestine stared in awe at the tall, arching horns that curved around her face. They were yellow in hue and almost looked like they were glowing.

Tendrils of smoke came out of her nostrils, and Clandestine couldn't help but feel like... she was waiting for her. But she was asleep.

She could remember the stories Sylva used to tell her about dragons. About their god-like power, and how they could smite you with one breath. Fear gripped her heart, and she shuddered.

Then she took a hesitant step forward.

The dragon's eyes sprung open and stared right into hers.

Svida. That was the dragon's name. Svida, the dragon of fire.

Clandestine let out an audible gasp as she came to once again, back on the cold, hard, dungeon floor. She had feeling in her arms and shoulders now, a buzzing spreading throughout her whole body. She was able to curl forward, just a little, and she was able to feel the sweat sticking her shirt to her back.

She had to go back there. Everything in her mind told her no, to stay away from the dragon, to do the smart thing, but her heart told her to close her eyes again. She was supposed to be there. She was supposed to meet her.

Her eyes snapped shut.

She could feel her heart beating like a drum.

The tendrils of smoke turned into clouds as Svida let out a breath through her nose, and Clandestine felt it enter her lungs as it engulfed her. It was sulfuric, but it didn't sting.

When the smoke cleared, Clandestine saw Svida's bright green eyes were fixated upon her, and she felt glued to the ground.

"Time is running out," the dragon's voice echoed like it was booming throughout the whole room. "I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner." Svida shifted and brought her head closer, so they were looking face to face, with less than a foot between them.

Svida's eyes were bigger than Clandestine's head.

She felt so small.

And yet, Svida's draconic features somehow expressed concern as her scaly brows knitted towards each other.

"I'm sorry, young dragon," she said.

Clandestine felt like her heart could burst out of her chest.

"I won't be around for much longer. Please, find me," the voice rang in her ears. "Before it's too late."

Carter's voice ripped her from the cave, and she came to heaving and sweating even more. She hadn't heard what he said, but it didn't matter. She could feel her strength returning. Something was boiling in her gut, spilling over, ready to burst. She rested her elbows on the ground and pushed herself up, so she was on her hands and knees, facing the door. She couldn't get any higher. Her restraints wouldn't allow it.

Carter was silent now, watching her with a neutral expression, and half-lidded eyes. She looked at him and scowled.

"You can't keep me here," she said, her voice low. Heat was rushing to her face and rising in her chest.

Carter put his hand on something beyond the doorframe.

Fire itched in her throat, and she took in one more deep breath.

She was going to get out of here. She would fight, and she would fight with everything she had.

She could hear the creaking of the metal door sliding shut.

She opened her mouth and let out a roar, and the entire room was engulfed in flames.

Just before the door closed, she thought she caught a glimpse of Carter smiling.


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Tue Apr 13, 2021 9:36 pm
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Carina says...



hehe I understand the title's reference

ALSO want to learn more about SVIDA! too bad clanny couldn't roast carter with her breath




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Sun Jan 24, 2021 8:03 am
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Shady wrote a review...



(this title is dedicated to @mydwindlingsanity)


Ahahah I briefly forgot this was a user and was like another mood xD Seriously, though, the "this girl is on fire" reference means that YOU HAD BETTER give Clandestine her magic back in this chapter. I want a Scorched Carter or I will do absolutely nothing about it except give you a very disgruntled sigh.

Carter was doing something different, and Clandestine didn't know if it was bad or good, but she could only assume he had bad intentions.


YOU AND ME BOTH GURL

"If you can't prove yourself useful to me, in a minute, you'll be joining your traitorous friend in the ground."


I HAVE SO MANY WORDS FOR CARTER (and none of them are longer than 4 letters >:( )

"I won't be around for much longer. Please, find me," the voice rang in her ears. "Before it's too late."


GAH TOO MANY EMOTIONS IN THIS CHAPTER I CANNOT --

Carter's voice ripped her from the cave


Okay so when she first went back into the cave in this chapter I was kind of confused how she'd done it, and I still am at this point? Because at first she of course thought it was a dream... but she's clearly not asleep here? So, a vision? Like, I think it works, it's just not clear to me how we go from Carter to cave to suddenly being back to dealing with Carter... maybe make it clearer what transition is actually going on here?

She opened her mouth and let out a roar, and the entire room was engulfed in flames.


YES CLANDESTINE GO! *takes back disgruntled sigh*

Just before the door closed, she thought she caught a glimpse of Carter smiling.


Gah, okay, so this is one of those things that is starting to bug me since I jumped in so late xD But I really can't get a sense for whether Carter is one of the good guys or the bad guys. Like he seems like one of the bad guys and I hate him for that and I hate him for being mean to Clandestine... but also he's strangely endearing... but I also hate him? The other characters are so much clearer about whether or not I'm allowed to like them.

I'm getting Strong Vibes that Carter is one of the antagonists of this novel, and in that case, I guess you are doing a really excellent job with him because he's so vile but also strangely likeable and it is CONFLICTING but really good. So great job there.

I like how we see Clandestine starting to go back to being her old self here. It's felt like she's been the weak little maiden who needs rescuing up til this point and I like that we are starting to get a glimpse of her being a Dragon instead of a victim. It's good stuff, and I'm excited to see how this progresses.

I think that's all I've got for this one!

~Shady




soundofmind says...


just to confirm for u
yes Carter is badguy badman poopoostinky but I will let u form ur own opinions about him as u please

and yeah CLANDESTINE BE GETTIN HER FIGHT BAK... she was grieving bro... lost her friend bro. .. ... anyways uh
THANK U FOR ANOTHER REVIEW!!



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SilverNight wrote a review...



sound you are killing me with the hilarious titles (and apparently your sister is too)

So today I got hit with an impulse to Review Everything and I'm back for my third review of the day! (I've had far too much coffee please forgive me for blowing up your notifs with these reviews of mine I'm very very sorry take my coffee away from me.)

Carter was doing something different, and Clandestine didn't know if it was bad or good, but she could only assume he had bad intentions.

She was being moved this time. Not for food, not for water, and not to help her go to the bathroom. The chair was getting taken away, and even though her body was still nearly numb all over, she could feel her joints ache as her arms and legs shifted. The cuffs that held her to the chair were replaced with giant metal gauntlets that swallowed her hands in capsules, and then they did the same thing for her feet.

The new cuffs were chained to the floor, but the chains looked like they would be just long enough for her to move, at least a little bit. Anything at this point would be better. Any amount of freedom for her muscles to stretch, for her body to shake off some of the stiffness. But she wasn't sure how far she'd be able to get.

The cuffs were heavy, and it felt like someone was sitting on her hands and feet to hold her down. She already couldn't move, but now she felt even more helpless.

Once her cuffs were secured, the servants helping her slowly exited the room. Even Carter backed out, only glancing back for a moment before he stepped through the door.

But instead of the solid steel door groaning shut, a different door passed over. One with bars. One she could see through, and Carter stood there, looking in.


Oooh, okay. Not looking too great for her, as I believe she's correct about Carter having bad intentions. ;-;

One thing I noticed was that we never actually saw her being moved, but we see the replacement of the cuffs for the gauntlets as if it had happened already in the past. The line "she was being moved this time" seems to be more in the present moment of action (or just about to happen), but she would have had to move first before the new cuffs in another room were put on her. So maybe something set more in the past like "she had been moved" would help fix the confusion about exactly when this is all happening. If you have other ideas for this, those would most likely work too!

It wasn't until she slowly started regaining feeling that she realized what was really changing.

He was going to stop drugging her. He was going to let her actually be able to move, even if she was still chained up. Even though she was glad for it she couldn't help but feel like it was an insult of some kind. Like she'd proven herself to not be as dangerous or intimidating as he first assumed. Almost as if he'd overestimated her power, and was now disappointed.


After what we've seen in the last chapter, he's probably underestimating her... Unless he knows about inheritors. I honestly hope he doesn't!

"I think you deserve a little change of pace," Carter said, tapping his armored fingers against one of the metal bars with a rhythmic clinking.

"See, the king is a little disappointed that you're not all we'd hoped," he said, letting his eyes drag slowly over to her. "But in some ways, that plays into our favor. A weak dragon is easy to kill, and we wouldn't have to worry about that kind of power being in the wrong hands."

He shrugged slightly.

"I'm the only one who wants to keep you alive right now," he said, lowering his voice, and squatting down to look at her closer to her eye level. Because she was lying on the ground.

"If you can't prove yourself useful to me, in a minute, you'll be joining your traitorous friend in the ground."


I wonder how convinced he is that Clandestine's a dragon, because that's still what he's calling her even though she hasn't shown any other signs of being one. Also, there's quite a bit of irony when Carter says "in the wrong hands", because I cannot think of any worse hands than his or King Blackfield's!

The phrasing of "because she was lying on the ground" feels a bit wrong as a complete sentence. I think it might be a dependent clause, so it needs to be part of another sentence and can't really be on its own! A option to fix that would be attaching it to the end of the sentence before it.

Another deep breath and she closed her eyes.

She was back there. Back in the cave. Her freed hands slammed against the cavern walls and then she looked to the light ahead and rushed forward. She didn't know when Carter would interrupt her again. She had to hurry.


She's awake, so if the dream is continuing... It's clearly something more and I'm excited! c:

As she burst out of the cavern tunnel, the inside of the mountain opened up into a massive cave that stretched further and higher than she could comprehend. Ice crystals had formed in the ceiling, in the walls, and grew out of the floor like stone-carved bushes. And in the midst of the crystals, was a dragon.

She filled the whole room, curled in a ball, and a wave of fluttering fire seemed to peek through the cracks of her vibrantly red-orange scales. Her shoulders moved up and down with her slow, steady breaths, but otherwise, she was still.

Her long neck curved around her body and her head was laid in front, facing the place where Clandestine had entered, with her eyes closed. Clandestine stared in awe at the tall, arching horns that curved around her face. They were yellow in hue and almost looked like they were glowing.


I really like the beautiful description of the dragon! It's very easy to picture how she looks.

She had to go back there. Everything in her mind told her no, to stay away from the dragon, to do the smart thing, but her heart told her to close her eyes again. She was supposed to be there. She was supposed to meet her.


The last sentence is a good indicator that like Bo said, she's an inheritor and needs to find Svida! It's interesting when someone in a story doesn't know something yet, but the reader and other characters do already.

"I'm sorry, young dragon," she said.

Clandestine felt like her heart could burst out of her chest.

"I won't be around for much longer. Please, find me," the voice rang in her ears. "Before it's too late."


It feels like she's in danger... Maybe she's dying. I wonder if it has anything to do with those ice crystals in the cave. Those felt mysteriously out of place and had to be there for a reason-- and if I was a fire dragon, I'd want to do something about that if I could.

She opened her mouth and let out a roar, and the entire room was engulfed in flames.

Just before the door closed, she thought she caught a glimpse of Carter smiling.


~this girl is on fireeeeeeeeeeeee~

I don't like that he's smiling. He's not scared of that impressive display of flames that could roast him easily, so... uh-oh. Uh-oh isn't even fitting. I'm quite worried! That's a really chilling line to end the chapter with.

As usual, I'll be back tomorrow for the next chapter. Hope you're doing well! You're awesome <3




soundofmind says...


the fact that this chapter title is getting appreciation?? bless

One thing I noticed was that we never actually saw her being moved, but we see the replacement of the cuffs for the gauntlets as if it had happened already in the past. The line "she was being moved this time" seems to be more in the present moment of action (or just about to happen), but she would have had to move first before the new cuffs in another room were put on her. So maybe something set more in the past like "she had been moved" would help fix the confusion about exactly when this is all happening. If you have other ideas for this, those would most likely work too!

oops yes hahaaa this is confusing - I WILL NEED TO REREAD AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO CLARIFY and make it less word barfy



SilverNight says...


ahhhhh you%u2019re good! <33333




My one true aspiration in life is to make it into the quote gen.
— avianwings47