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Young Writers Society



The Lost Dragon 19.2

by soundofmind


Chapter 19 Part 2: If you let my [James] go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will... take him from you.

After scarfing down water and food, crying for another hour, and asking a million questions about Hogarth’s sword and how far they were from the town, the child was exhausted. By the time Hogarth reached the city, the little boy had fallen asleep in his arms.

The setting sun cast shadows over the tall buildings into the city streets. Street lamps were being ignited in the main roads passing through the shops that led up to the arena. Fireflies jumped out of little gardens and patches of green, and their noisy friends started to hum loudly from the bushes.

There was only one tea shop in Ruddlan, so Hogarth made it his first place to look. He walked through the streets with the child in his arms and his horse in tow, hoping that Mindy had made it back to the mansion in time to get back up. Neither of them wanted to run after that strange monster hunter alone, especially with a child on their hands. He hoped that Clandestine wasn’t lying when she said the child’s parents were at the tea shop - then at least he’d have one less thing to worry about.

The sooner the kid was home and safe, the sooner they could get this griffin mess behind them. Or at least, that’s what they were hoping for. That’s what he was hoping for.

The kid began to squirm in his arms, sleepily opening his eyes.

“Papa,” he muttered, before looking up at Hogarth and showing a clear look of fear and disappointment. Hogarth was not his father.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find your parents soon,” he said, giving the kid a small pat on the back as he adjusted his grip on the child. “Do you recognize this street?” he asked, tilting his head to the side at the different shops around them. Most of them were closed or closing, and the street was dark, but he hoped the child would recognize his home.

The boy grabbed Hogarth’s sleeves and clung tightly. He looked around the street with wide eyes, before his gaze fixed somewhere further down. The boy immediately let go of Hogarth and started pushing away, trying to get down. Hogarth was reluctant to let the boy go free and lose him again, especially since he was holding the boy with one arm and leading a horse with the other.

“Woah, woah, you see your home?”

“Yes!” the boy squealed earnestly, still squirming to be let down.

“Okay, let’s go there together, alright?”

The boy paused for a second and nodded. That was enough for Hogarth, he let the boy down and watched at the six-year-old began to run as fast as his little legs could take him. Fortunately, Hogarth took one stride to each of the child’s three. It didn’t take long for Hogarth to pick out the tea shop sign poking out from the tall building and the several potted plants out front. As the child ran for the door Hogarth looked up to the second floor where there was a window propped open and a light on. Whoever ran the shop was home.

The child knocked on the door over and over, both fists pounding.

“Mama! Papa!”

From above, a quiet: “Killian?”

Hogarth saw a shadow pass over the window and saw it disappear from the window almost as quickly as it appeared. In a few seconds, he could hear running footsteps hurrying to the door just before it flew open and revealed a man with curly hair and tear-filled eyes who immediately grabbed the child, picked him up, and pulled him into a tight embrace. A woman who he assumed was the mother came right behind and wrapped her arms around the two.

But as she joined the hug she paused and looked up at Hogarth, eyes lighting with recognition, and then narrowing with confusion. She pulled away, wiping her eyes and straightening up.

“Barlowe took our case?”

The question pulled the father’s attention away from his son, and he looked up to Hogarth as well, casting a shared look of confusion towards his wife. Hogarth wasn’t sure what she was talking about.

“No…”

The mother stepped in front of her husband and the child, letting the father take Killian further into their home. Words were exchanged between the child and the father but they were quiet and muttered.

“I thought they said it was just a local griffin - how - where did you find him?” the mother asked, holding the handle of the door.

“We found him in a griffin nest outside the city.” Hogarth took a slight step back. The horse snorted behind him. “And though it seems we did not formally file a case for your child, I will need you to come by the mansion tomorrow morning to fill out some papers for recording purposes. I understand though that it is late, and I’m sure you want to make sure your son is cared for. I’ll just need some information from you before I leave you for the night.”

The woman listened quietly, standing in the doorway with her brows pinched together. She nodded slightly.

“Of course, sir.” She backed up, opening the door all the way. “Should you come -“ her voice cut off when she looked behind Hogarth at the horse. The two of them met each other’s eyes. She stuttered.

“I’ll come out here to talk with you,” she said quickly with a dip of her head. “Sorry, I’m disoriented. I’m - well, I was just expecting someone else. But I’m just happy Killian is back home.”

Hogarth raised his brows.

“Someone else?”

In the distance, he could hear the howl of a dog ring out into the sunset. His head lifted up and out in the direction of the sound. He knew what that meant.

Mindy had made it to the mansion and got back up, and had the dogs with her. And a howl meant they caught the monster hunter’s trail, and Clandestine would soon be caught and imprisoned, along with the egg returned to their hands.

--

Clandestine was beyond consolation. She was convinced that if she stopped looking for James she would never find him again. She’d forced herself to slow down enough to stop in town and brush Billy down, get him some water, and make sure he was okay, but the whole time her insides were itching. She couldn’t abuse Billy, but she couldn’t lose James - not like this. It was different, she told herself when he’d said goodbye. That made sense. He’d wanted to leave, they had no reason to stay together anymore because her wanting to stay with him wasn’t enough. Everyone always left, anyway.

But if Alex let the mayor know he was in town he was doomed, wasn’t he? And there was no way she’d be able to rescue him from a whole army. Even if she threw a few flames, she’d be too tired by the end of it to pull him out, and that would be no good.

No, she had to find him now. She had to find him before anyone else did, before anyone else recognized him. She’d already tracked him down once. She could do it again.

Clandestine sat atop Billy in the middle of an open field on the outskirts of the city. The sky was getting darker, and the sun looked like it was about to disappear behind the now distant cliffs. A faint breeze blew through the field, causing the grass to wave and sway to the side. If she wasn’t so stressed, it might’ve been a peaceful scene, with the pinks and oranges spreading across the sky, but as it stood, she was just anxious to get across the field to the other side. The only downside to a field when looking for something was that, if you were looking for a person, you’d be able to tell if they weren’t there pretty quickly. Unless James was for some reason lying down in the grass, he wasn’t there.

She didn’t know a lot about criminals and how they did things, but she had a hunch they would be outside the city walls. That’s where she’d seen the diamond brothers the last time they were doing sneaky business, so that’s probably where they would be again. She lucked out the last time she found them in the city at the auction of course, but she hadn’t been looking for them then either.

Now she was. She’d been going around the city and was very close to coming full-circle. She was afraid she’d missed something. Maybe she’d run through everything too quickly, or not traveled out far enough, or missed him by a mile. Maybe she missed a clue, or was just too caught up in her own mind to hear or see something obvious. Or maybe he skipped town.

The thought struck her in the chest like an arrow flying out of nowhere, causing her to stare out blankly into the field as Billy walked forward.

Would he have done that? Left her? Suddenly it occurred to her that what happened in town - him talking to her, listening, going along with her haphazard, disaster of a plan might’ve all been a lie again. He just told her he’d go off and find the Diamond brothers to get her off his back again because he didn’t want to run into her. He was just being Matt again; a nice cowboy with a heart of gold.

But she didn’t want that to be true. Desperately, desperately, she begged to the empty sky around her that it wasn’t true. If he’d lied to her again just to get rid of her she didn’t know if she could take it. But how would she ever know if that’s what he did until she found him?

If she found him?

Her eyes caught on something ahead of her, maybe a mile out, poking out of the trees. It definitely wasn’t a person. And it was too short to be a horse. She squinted, leaning forward in the saddle even though the improvement was minimal if nonexistent, and tried to make out the silhouette.

“Oh my gods,” she said aloud, putting a hand on Billy’s neck.

“Do you see this?” she asked, eyes wide.

Billy didn’t really reply. But that was okay. Clandestine was busy staring at the griffin standing at the edge of the field, with one wing flapping and the other limp at its side.

It was the mother griffin. The one they’d abandoned by the cliffs.

Clandestine knew it wasn’t a good idea, especially if the griffin recognized her, but she waited until the griffin disappeared back into the forest to follow. It was going in the direction she was heading in anyway, and there was something in her gut that told her she had to follow. There was still unfinished business for the mother griffin with purple, injured wings. It still had a baby to get back.


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Thu Sep 03, 2020 5:19 am
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Omni wrote a review...



Hey sound! Happy RevMo!! Are you gonna be doing any reviews? You gotta get that fifth star, y’know XD (although, I know how long it took ME to get my fifth star, so I feel for ya)

Ahhh the chapter titles are back! Oh how I’ve missed these.

So! It’s Hogarth’s perspective now. I do like this perspective better than Carter’s in the last chapter. I just, haaave to ask the same question I did last time: what purpose does this serve, as it detracts from our main characters? To be clear, I do like this part here! I just think it’s something we, as writers, always have to ask ourselves because every perspective should serve a purpose. As we put in more perspectives besides the main characters, we go to a more omniscient third person point of view, which is definitely a choice but does offer some limitations when you want to narrow your story back to Clandestine and James. And limitations is a weird word, but uhh, like let’s say you want a James and Clandestine part where they don’t know some kind of information, so we as the reader don’t know that information, but then as the reader, I’m confused, because you’ve given me the information before in multiple different perspectives. For example, even though Clandestine doesn’t know that hunting dogs are after her, I as the reader know from two different perspectives. That in and of itself kind of does me a disservice as a reader because I don’t get to put two and two together and get this information myself because it’s hand-fed to me (multiple times at this point). I think I’ve had this critique before in this story at multiple times. Where’s the mystery? Where’s the connections that I can theorize and connect on my own? I feel like you’ve been holding my hand as a reader throughout this entire story, and that’s just not my cup of tea. I get that that might be some people’s cup of tea, but I think you’re doing a disservice to your readers in general by not letting them be an active participant in the story.

And now we’re back to Clandestine, and it’s getting interesting again! I would have loved to see this part instead of Carter and Hogarth, because wow it’s getting interesting! I really wanted to see Clandestine getting to the Griffin and helping her out because that’s such a huge character development! IT’s time it’s time it’s time!! Can’t wait for the next chapter part!!




soundofmind says...


Hahahaaaa yeah I do a little too much hand holding ^_^'' definitely something I'm trying to not do so much of lol. Also, I think the diff POV for this part was mainly because I wanted to show that the kid got home lol, iirc

IM GLAD UR EXCITED FOR CLANNY THO LOLLL



Omni says...


I honestly think you would be a master at writing young adult novels where a bit of hand holding is helpful and strong characters with a bit of a weaker plotline is rampant in the whole industry there. I totally just realized that



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Fri Jul 03, 2020 4:51 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And we continue chapter 19

First Impression: Well bit of a filler but yeah that makes sense although I assumed Mindy would have escorted the child because she was the one who calmed him down. But this does make sense. Also only one tea shop in a huge thriving city? Seems very unlikely.\

Anyway let's get to it,

“No…”


Now wait a minute. He's stealing the credit. Very bad thing to do right there.

“I’ll come out here to talk with you,” she said quickly with a dip of her head. “Sorry, I’m disoriented. I’m - well, I was just expecting someone else. But I’m just happy Killian is back home.”


Almost slipped up there.

Mindy had made it to the mansion and got back up, and had the dogs with her. And a howl meant they caught the monster hunter’s trail, and Clandestine would soon be caught and imprisoned, along with the egg returned to their hands.


Well looks like Clandestine is going to be in big trouble very soon.

But if Alex let the mayor know he was in town he was doomed, wasn’t he? And there was no way she’d be able to rescue him from a whole army. Even if she threw a few flames, she’d be too tired by the end of it to pull him out, and that would be no good.


Well this part is done really well to capture the hopelessness. Although Clandestine seems to be overreacting a little bit because she wasn't this devastated earlier. Also this has got to stop for some time now. How many times have they parted ways, gotten sad, then run into each other again.

She didn’t know a lot about criminals and how they did things, but she had a hunch they would be outside the city walls. That’s where she’d seen the diamond brothers the last time they were doing sneaky business, so that’s probably where they would be again. She lucked out the last time she found them in the city at the auction of course, but she hadn’t been looking for them then either.


I think that's supposed to be Diamond.

Billy didn’t really reply. But that was okay. Clandestine was busy staring at the griffin standing at the edge of the field, with one wing flapping and the other limp at its side.

It was the mother griffin. The one they’d abandoned by the cliffs.

Clandestine knew it wasn’t a good idea, especially if the griffin recognized her, but she waited until the griffin disappeared back into the forest to follow. It was going in the direction she was heading in anyway, and there was something in her gut that told her she had to follow. There was still unfinished business for the mother griffin with purple, injured wings. It still had a baby to get back.


This better tie into the main plot quick.

Overall: Well good to see that Killian got back safely. That was nice to see. And Clandestine following an animal while a bunch of animals are following her. The last part of this chapter promises to be intriguing.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Apr 26, 2020 2:49 am
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mellifera wrote a review...



Hey sound!

I wasn't planning on continuing on tonight, but I still have some MOTIVATION so let's go for ONE MORE!!

If you let my [James] go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will... take him from you.


ONE (1) FEAR??

After scarfing down water and food, crying for another hour, and asking a million questions about Hogarth’s sword and how far they were from the town, the child was exhausted. By the time Hogarth reached the city, the little boy had fallen asleep in his arms.


SWEET <3 someone protect the boy

The setting sun cast shadows over the tall buildings into the city streets. Street lamps were being ignited in the main roads passing through the shops that led up to the arena. Fireflies jumped out of little gardens and patches of green, and their noisy friends started to hum loudly from the bushes.


yesssssss feed me that description :D

The sooner the kid was home and safe, the sooner they could get this griffin mess behind them. Or at least, that’s what they were hoping for. That’s what he was hoping for.


oooooooooh,,,,,,,,,,,,,, buddy.

“Papa,” he muttered, before looking up at Hogarth and showing a clear look of fear and disappointment. Hogarth was not his father.


I love your writing style this made me smile :')

“I’ll come out here to talk with you,” she said quickly with a dip of her head. “Sorry, I’m disoriented. I’m - well, I was just expecting someone else. But I’m just happy Killian is back home.”

Hogarth raised his brows.

“Someone else?”


*wiggles eyebrows*

In the distance, he could hear the howl of a dog ring out into the sunset. His head lifted up and out in the direction of the sound. He knew what that meant.


OH NO

Mindy had made it to the mansion and got back up, and had the dogs with her. And a howl meant they caught the monster hunter’s trail, and Clandestine would soon be caught and imprisoned, along with the egg returned to their hands.


DOUBLE OH NO

Clandestine was beyond consolation. She was convinced that if she stopped looking for James she would never find him again. She’d forced herself to slow down enough to stop in town and brush Billy down, get him some water, and make sure he was okay, but the whole time her insides were itching. She couldn’t abuse Billy, but she couldn’t lose James - not like this. It was different, she told herself when he’d said goodbye. That made sense. He’d wanted to leave, they had no reason to stay together anymore because her wanting to stay with him wasn’t enough. Everyone always left, anyway.


Clandestine's anxiety and fear of abandonment is so well written and it hits very hard?? I feel so much for her <3 You did such a good job at showing how this is affecting her and hurting her, and while she's trying to be rational and think through this, it's just an endless loop and it's slowly getting worse.
James better be REALLY NICE to her when he gets back

Clandestine sat atop Billy in the middle of an open field on the outskirts of the city. The sky was getting darker, and the sun looked like it was about to disappear behind the now distant cliffs. A faint breeze blew through the field, causing the grass to wave and sway to the side. If she wasn’t so stressed, it might’ve been a peaceful scene, with the pinks and oranges spreading across the sky, but as it stood, she was just anxious to get across the field to the other side. The only downside to a field when looking for something was that, if you were looking for a person, you’d be able to tell if they weren’t there pretty quickly. Unless James was for some reason lying down in the grass, he wasn’t there.


VERY GOOD DESCRIPTION A+ I LOVE IT (also I'm a big fan of "Unless James was for some reason lying down in the grass" your writing style is such a wonderful mix of action/adventure and goofy)

That’s where she’d seen the diamond brothers the last time they were doing sneaky business,


I think you meant to capitalise that :)

He was just being Matt again; a nice cowboy with a heart of gold.


people with hearts of gold,,,, do not abandon their friends. someone please help her. she needs A Friend.

But she didn’t want that to be true. Desperately, desperately, she begged to the empty sky around her that it wasn’t true. If he’d lied to her again just to get rid of her she didn’t know if she could take it. But how would she ever know if that’s what he did until she found him?

If she found him?


OOF SOUND IT'S VERY WELL WRITTEN BUT OOF

It still had a baby to get back.


very, very good *rubs hands together*


It was a short chapter, but you really nailed on Clandestine's personality and fears in this one, and it was very good and sad. Those last lines of Hogarth's section about the hounds was a haunting note to end the section on, and I enjoyed it immensely.

I'll probably take a little while to circle back to this because I have a list of stuff to catch up on, but I promise I'll try not to take to long!! I waNT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS


Anyway! I hope you're having a fantastic time <333 GREAT JOB and keep it up!!




soundofmind says...


THANK YOU SO SO MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAA

James better be REALLY NICE to her when he gets back

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU RIGHT

ASHLkfhljk I'm so glad you enjoyed how I wrote Clandestine in this chapter :,) I know this was one of the chapters i agonized over a little more so it's nice to know some good came out of it lol



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Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:46 pm
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Mageheart says...



I'm a little too exhausted to review right now, so I'll leave you with another comment instead. :)

I really love how the scene with Hogarth, Killian, and Killian's family went - you could see the wheels turning in Hogarth's head. I'm also hoping that Clanny's griffin-chasing goes well, and that she reunites with James whenever you write more of this. Overall, I'm really loving the chaos in this part of the story!




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Sun Jan 26, 2020 4:56 pm
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Brigadier wrote a review...



Image

Heyo soundo old buddy old pal. Review day is far from over but I see that I've reached the end of your story. Just taking from the initial description, my mind is wandering all sorts of places with the trouble that your characters might be getting into.
imagine having to navigate through a city without google maps haha what a nightmare

I feel like Clandestine's dependence on the griffin positioning system (gps) is a little bit humorous just like the slight touch of humor that exists in your story. It's more obvious in this chapter than in the previous ones even though every chapter I've read is equally dramatic. And as the drama goes on it gets more digestible for me as a reader.

Hogarth is a more enjoyable character now than they were in previous chapters but before they were just a confusing military member. With their interactions with the child and the child's family, Hogarth becomes an even more interesting character. They shift from having these very emotional thoughts in connection to the child, and then they have to blend back in to being the standard military attitude. It's nice to see a character that has such a complex personality and from what I can tell many of your characters are rather complex.

Switching between the two perspectives did trip me up a little bit again, but that was just me getting used to reading your style. Another thing about this story that I keep forgetting is that Billy is Clandestine's form of transportation. Because every so often I'm like "who the heck is this billy guy" and then I realize it's whatever creature she's riding around the country side.

The appearance of the griffin does make for an interesting plot point and I'm left to wonder where the story is going to go. So I'm hoping that there will eventually be more to this story, but I think these are all of the comments that I have for now.
Happy review day.
-Jack




soundofmind says...


Hahaha yeah, Billy is Clandestine%u2019s horse :,) lol. I%u2019m glad you%u2019re enjoying the drama! Thanks again for your reviews, I really appreciate it <3



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Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:43 am
LadyMysterio wrote a review...



Hello it's me again, this is the best chapter I have read o fthis so far.
The only thing I found that could be changed was in this sentence.

If she wasn’t so stressed, it might’ve been a peaceful

It reads better with out that comma there, so I would suggest taking it out.
The story read very nicely you don't dwell on any moment too long.
Thats about all I have for a review.

-Lady M




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Thu Nov 07, 2019 5:47 pm
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Lael says...



The (adorable) kid’s name is Killian . . . And I have a character named Kilian!! Wow! :)




soundofmind says...


adsDGHajkhk Two Kil(l)ians!!! And aa I'm glad you think he's cute lol




You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy and reality apart? They're both ridiculous.
— The 12th Doctor