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General Impressions
My thought at the end was at least James and Clandestine have some distance between them and the mysterious torch-bearer. Where we last left off, I remember thinking James would just be immediately caught by this person. I get the impression that this is meant to be a tense encounter overall. The new character gives off ambiguous vibes – on the one hand when they talk they sure sound friendly – on the other hand they look like they could throw down if they wanted to, and it’s not a good sign that Clandestine thinks he is dressed like a mage hunter. Having a pet wolf is definitely an ‘important character’ trope though, so I wonder what role they’ll play in the story.
Characters
I was interested by the disagreement between Clandestine and James here. I think previous chapters have established in what ways they are similar – being on the run all the time, fighting monsters, being betrayed in some way by people close to them – so it’s interesting to have a difference of theirs highlighted here.
James pulled up to her side on Elliot, and Clandestine's heart jumped in her chest.
"Let's go." he hissed.
I thought this was a very in-character moment for James. He’s got a sense of urgency, and I really like the choice of word “hissed” there. It kind of makes him seem almost hostile even though we know he’s not actually being hostile to Clandestine here – it just shows the kind of person he’s had to adapt to becoming in order to survive with a bounty on his head.
Flow
I liked the general flow of the scene. The central idea of Clandestine wanting confrontation while James wants to get out of there comes across well to me and the scene also successfully introduced quite a few facts about this new character (wolf companion, probably knows how to fight, maybe mage hunter, etc.) without feeling too bogged down by exposition.
I did feel like the introspection took me out of the scene at points. Clandestine gets into some pretty heavy self-reflection even though the scene seems to be occurring quite quickly in the story’s timeframe, so there was a bit of incongruity there for me. The content of the introspection is definitely interesting, though.
But she didn't like running away from things unless it was the only option left. All her life, she'd been trained to face things head on; to run into danger, instead of from it. That was how you had the courage to face monsters, and that was how you had the courage to do things like run after strange ex-soldiers who had a complicated past.
I wonder if this would work if she just said “We can’t run if we don’t know what we’re running from” or “Not this time” (to James saying “Let’s go”). Or maybe since Clandestine does actually turn around and approach the stranger in the end, that action in itself might get the idea across that she’s willing to confront trouble.
Who were they? What did they want? Why were they still coming closer?
This line of thought made sense to me. I liked moments like this where I felt I could get into Clandestine’s head in that specific situation. These three questions are simple but urgent which reflects the fact that Clandestine had just been woken up. It also portrays the stranger as being more of a threat.
Overall
I’m looking forward to seeing how Clandestine’s conversation with the new person plays out. I can’t decide if he’ll be a help or a hindrance to her at this stage – perhaps he’ll be both? Again, I like the concept of James and Clandestine being different in how they deal with conflict. I suppose James will have something to say to her about it after they resolve this encounter.
Hope this helps – keep writing!
-Lim
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Reviews: 545
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