Heya, Soundofmind! Casanova here to do a review as promised!
Anyway, let's talk about flow and punctuation. In the first stanza/verse thing(I forget what to call a set of lines in lyrics) in the last line. To format it with the recording that you have of this, I would suggest placing a comma right after,"follows," as I think that might flow better for you. Anyway, onward.
Imagine a day in secret
Where you're spending all your time
And nobody follows and nobody falls behind
I feel like you could add more between the second line and the third line. There seems to be no connection besides,"a day," and I think it would be a good thing to expand on that a little. I know lyrics aren't the same as poetry(hey, I write both), but I would still like to see a little bit more description within the lines to add a little bit of spice to it. Anyway, onward.
The second lines are really good, but like the first set, I would like to see more description. Or, well, more story telling. What I mean is, you end it with,"in the meantime." In the meantime of what? Of the day? In the meantime means you're usually waiting on something, so what are you waiting on? Is it something important? Is it something good or bad? Is it someone? I would like to know exactly what I was hearing, and what it was about. I think that it would be a good thing to know.
Anyway, I think you have a very short, yet interesting, set of lyrics here that I would love to see expanded on. Write more and add to it, describe, let us know the full story, and yes, please show us the recording of the finished product.
Also, as a side note, I love how SOUNDofmind used SOUNDcloud. To me, that was genius.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
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