D.A. Jones; Two, Three, & A Diamond Ring

“Armadillo!”

 If a short grunt was the first thing you heard from me you knew I was engrossed in my work. If it was a sigh you knew I was frustrated and it was best to leave me be. If my head was bent down and my brown fedora was on my Dell all you had to do was snap. But today, what you saw was none of the above.

 I was sitting in my chair, legs crossed, facing the door with my hat pulled down low over my face playing with that week old toothpick in my mouth. I had on a pair of ol’ faded Wranglers, worker boots, and a faded plad red Faded Glory button up with my gray tee underneath. There was also a revolver six-shot holstered in my belt. It was almost as if I had expected you.

I slowly raised my hat still playing with the toothpick. “What have I told you about knocking?”

“Sorry Armadillo,” came your reply, “but you are really going to want to see this.”

I sighed. “Rebecca, how many times have you told me those exact words and how many times have I actually wanted to see what you had to show?”

You thought for a minute before you replied. “One.”

“Yah, yah, well that doesn’t quite count.”

“Common you really need to see this.”

So I went with her. We hopped in the car and drove to the community pool. It was a cool fall day, much too cold for a swim, but for some reason everyone was around the pool. They were all standing around with puzzled looks on their faces whispering and looking at the floating dead body of a young girl.

I was shocked but the shock soon disappeared as duty faded into view. “Get back! Everyone step away from the pool! This area is now the prime crime scene of a homicide. Get back I want all of you out of the pool area! Go home! There is nothing to see here! Rebecca, I want an autopsy crew out here on the double.”

“They are already on their way. I called them just before I came to get you.”

“Good. Good. And Rebecca, be prepared for a long days work.” She knew something was wrong when I said that. Or at least she suspected.

“Is something the matter Armadillo? Do you know this girl?” Her phone buzzed about that moment and she walked away to take it.

“That’s a shame.” I whispered to myself as a walked around the pool surveying the crime scene. “That poor girl had a lot of promise going for her and I don’t give many compliments.”

“Armadillo,” It seems as though Rebecca had finished her call. “we have a problem.”

“Rebecca,” I sighed, “we always have a problem. Our job is to solve the problems. That’s how we keep food in our bodies and a roof over our heads.”

“Armadillo, I don’t know how to say this but we need to go. Another body’s been found. A young girl. About twenty-five from the looks of it. She’s also been newlywed.”

“How do you know that?”

“The DNA on her ring has been there for less than a month. She’s already been autopsied. Oh, and Armadillo.”

“Yah?”

“The new bride. She was pregnant.”

************************

“Armadillo! Armadillo! Help me! Armadillo!”

“I’m right here Lizzy! Just hold on a little longer the doctors are on their way! Be strong!”

“The doctors! The damn doctors! You put so much faith in the damn old doctors!”

“Lizzy I’m sorry there is nothing I can do I’m not the one with the degree!”

“The doctors! The damn degree! They aren’t gods Armadillo! Help me! Help me deliver this baby! He’s your son too for God’s sake just help me!”

“I don’t know what to do Lizzy! I’m a detective not a doctor! The professionals will be here any minute!”

“Well while we are waiting you can try to detect all the possible reasons why I let you talk me into having sex with you! What do you think about that Armadillo?”

*************************

“Armadillo? What do you think about that? Armadillo?” Rebecca snapped at me and I was out of my trance.

“Huh?”

“What do you think about the second murder? Any thoughts?”

“Oh, oh yah, plenty of them but none that are relevant. Where did you say this body was?”

“I didn’t. Pequeños is sending me the address now. Come on get in the car and we’ll go see what we can see.”

“What about the body here?” I realized how stupid the question was after I asked it. The autopsy crew was already taking her off to the lab.

“Are you ok Jones? You’re a little off your nut today. Is something the matter? And do you know that gal they are hauling off to the lab?”

“Yah, she’s a family friend. Smart gal. Darn shame her death is. She was going to be a writer you know. Had a lot of promise she did. And a lovely glow about her that could light a city on the hill. Smart girl. And her personality was more lovely than her looks. Now where are we going?”

“Pequeños just sent me the address. Let’s go.”

And that’s just what we did.

***********************

It had begun to rain by the time we made it to the address that Pequeños had sent us. Nothing hard. Just a light rain where every tenth drop hits your skin.

When we arrived at the house on 28401 Fox Horn Drive and upon stepping out of the car we heard an agonizing scream of pain. Rebecca ran into the house and I ran through the fence to the backyard. ‘Oh look another pool. What are the odds of that?’ I hear the screams again and rush toward the back fence in the direction of the scream.

Rebecca had already gone through the house and was rushing out the back door by the time I was at the fence.

“Armadillo!” She shouted for me but I quickly silenced her, the last thing I needed was for my cover to be blown. “Armadillo,” she said with more of a questioning tone, “what is it?”

“I don’t know,” I said as I looked through a hole in the fence “and now I do.”

“What’s going on? Can you see anything?” Rebecca was frantic. She really wanted to know what was going on over there.

I didn’t answer. She really didn’t want to know. She was clueless. Instead I pulled my revolver from its holster, positioned myself on a nearby rock, found my balance, and aimed to kill.

“Freeze!” I shouted at the man as he through the girl to the ground, looked sternly at me and reached for his gun. “You’re under arrest!” Rebecca started to head to open the gate but I stopped her. The rain was coming harder now. “The names-”

“Armadillo Jones. Yes I know all about you and your little detective game. What are you gonna do son? Shoot me?”

“Son? Did you just call me son? I think someone needs a little lesson in respect.” I looked at the girl on the ground. She hadn’t moved since he tossed her there. “Then again, Dr. Watson could tell that much.”

“You think you’re witty? You think you’re clever Mr. Badge? Well let me give you a lesson this gun is loaded and,” he cocked the gun, “ready to kill.”

“You don’t want to do that son. I’ve already called the county police. They’re on their way. And shooting a detective,” I clicked my tongue. “Would only make your hole that much deeper.”

“My hole isn’t as deep as the one I’m gonna put through your head detective man!”   

“Suit yourself.” I turned acting like I was leaving long enough to see the look of shock on Rebecca’s face before turning to fire. When I looked I was the one that received the shock. There was a pulled grenade headed right toward us.

“Get down!” I shouted at Rebecca as I knocked her into the icy water of the pool. And just in time too. Right as we hit the knife’s icy blades the grenade exploded sending shards of debris into the pool. As Rebecca and I resurfaced I saw the man running to the front of the house. “Go check on the victim!” I shouted at her. “I’ll handle this one.”

So that’s what we did. She ran through the back gate and I through the front. I caught the attacker in my gun range and shot at his right leg. Bull’s eye! He fell to the ground and his gun left his hand. I advanced toward him like a lioness toward a wounded zebra, revolver poised.

“Alright son, game’s over. Who are you and what was your business with that girl?”

“The name’s James and that gal back there was my girlfriend pops. I didn’t know she was your little baby.” He had a straight face but his wicked snicker gave him away.

“She’s not blood. But all the girls around here are my daughters. And none of them deserve to be treated that way. Now I’ll ask again what was your business with that girl back there?”

“I already told you pops are you deaf? She’s was my girlfriend and she was asking for it.”

“Son, there are a lot of thing I hate in this town, one being my ex, but topping my list, is liars.” I pulled back the igniter on my revolver. “Now I’ll ask one more time what was your business back there.”

“Oh I wouldn’t do that if I were you pop.” It was then that I saw the time bomb strapped to his waist. He was stalling me. I dove under the nearby Beamer and just in time too. The boy exploded seconds later. I rolled out from under the Beamer and looked through the smoke at the boys blown body.

“Well shit. Now how am I going to get any information.” I was talking to myself. “Might as well see if Rebecca has had any luck with the victim.”

As I rounded the fence I knew I wouldn’t. Rebecca was sitting on a swing on the tree house, rocking back and forth, hands on her face, crying.

“Rebecca!” I ran to her side to see what the matter was. “Rebecca is everything- Whoa!” Her face was redder than the devil could ever dream of being. I had no idea how long she had been crying but it looked like it had been hours. “Rebecca? Rebecca is everything alright? What happened?” I walked to her side and put my hand on her shoulder. I didn’t know what else to do. She pushed me off and stormed away shouting as she went.

“Why do we do this Armadillo? Why the hell do we do this every day? I mean surely there are more civilized jobs out there? Hell, a surgeon is more elegant than this. Why Armadillo?” She looked like she was about to collapse so I ran to her side not intended to get shook off this time.

“I don’t know Rebecca. I thought you loved what you did. What happened back there?”

“I did and still do it’s just that-” Suddenly it hit me. It made sense.

“Rebecca was your daughter at home tonight?” the rain was beginning to pour down now. She shook her head. “Was that by chance her back-”

She didn’t let me finish she turned, slapped me, and fell into my arms. I slowly began to rub her back to calm her down, it had been a long time since anyone leaned on me.

“I’m sorry Armadillo. I’m just upset about this. I’ll be okay.” Rebecca was coming back slowly now.

“I know being assaulted must be hard for your daughter but she will survive. She’s strong.”

“Strong? Armadillo she’s dead.” She was crying harder again. “That no good son-of-a-bitch killed her. She’s gone.”

That threw me off guard. I couldn’t believe he had time to kill her before making his break. I also couldn’t believe I didn’t pick up the hints the boy had thrown down. ‘She was my girlfriend.’ “Well,” I said, “if it’s any comfort to you that kid is dead too. Blew himself up he did.”  

She laughed at that, but it was a nervous laugh. “It’s not.” Rebecca was on the verge of losing it all. “You know what the last thing I said to her was Armadillo?” I didn’t. How could I. “I told her to get off her ass off the couch and to make something of herself. To quit letting people use her like they do. To fight back and not let people walk over her. I told her the next time she let it happen she was out of the house and out of the will. I screamed at her and threatened to banish my own flesh. I don’t blame her for disobeying me. By the way Armadillo that was her boyfriend.”

Interesting. So the kid wasn’t lying to me after all.

“Rebecca…I…I don’t know what to say.”

         “Don’t say anything then. I was going to apologize to her tonight.” She laughed. “Just goes to show you that we never know when someone will breathe their last. To cherish every moment and never do something you may regret.” She paused. “I loved her. I loved her so much, but the last things I told her were words of hate. Why?” Who do I look like God? How would I know.   “He slashed at her chest. Twenty-nine cuts I counted. He stood there, hacked at her, and still had time to pull a pin and flee. How?”

“I don’t know Rebecca but I do think these three murders aren’t just a freak coincidence. I think they’re connected. Do you mind if we autopsy her body?”

“Do what you must she’s dead anyway. Just don’t let this happen to anyone else.”

“I swear Rebecca, in God’s presence, we will catch the wicked one behind all of this. I will do everything in my power to bring him to justice.”

And at that moment the thunder rolled, lightning striked, and the Heaven’s released their tears.     

**********************

Rebecca and I were almost to our car when he came up. We already had Jasmine’s body bagged and ready for autopsy upon arrival to the lab and the boy was also bagged with her against my wishes. ‘They’re dead Armadillo. It’s not like he can touch her anymore. What’s the big deal?’ Honestly  I couldn’t answer that question from a scholar’s perspective. ‘It just doesn’t seem right.’ I said. ‘ You wouldn’t bury a murderer with its victim would you?’ But you still didn’t understand so I dropped the topic. If it were up to me I would have hauled the lad off to the dump. 

We were getting into the car when I spotted him walking down the street. I was hoping if we were fast enough we could get passed him or even “accidently” hit him. But I knew by his speed we wouldn’t make it in time. Besides he’s too cunning to let us out that easy. Why it’s almost like he knew we would be here otherwise he wouldn’t be. He lives on the other side of town. Wait. What the hell is going on here?

“D.A. Jones,” he said, “so nice to see you again. You know what the D.A. stands for right? Dumb Ass.”

“Oh, really,” I was feeling bullet proof tonight. “I don’t see why there isn’t  one in front of your name then.” He was discussed at that. “I mean, I’m a detective but that one fact has puzzled me for… what” I was playing him up. “Three years now.”  He was steaming at the ears, but I couldn’t stop now.

“You will quit that if you know what’s good for you.” He was furious and planning something evil but my pride was winning the inner battle within me.

            I should have stopped at that but I didn’t. “What are you going to do,” I said, “Stupefy me?”

            At that it was too late, he pulled his six-shot from his belt and shot. Right through the back window of Rebecca’s Convertible. To this day I have never found a faster quick-drawer. She screamed and I figured the bullet must have hit her. Damn, he was right. I am a dumb ass. If I weren’t I would have shot him when he was coming down the road. Because while he may be the fastest quick-draw, I’m the best at long-range shots.

But it was too late. I turned to shoot at him but he was gone. After the shock of his disappearance wore off I ran to Rebecca’s side. There was a sea of blood flowing from the back of her shoulder where her hand was and she was curled up in her seat, but she wasn’t making a sound. I can’t say I was surprised, Rebecca’s as atrong as an ox. I removed her bloody hand to look at the wound. The hole was huge and at least an inch deep. I couldn’t see the bullet.

“Armadillo…” Rebecca moaned a moan as cold as death. “Armadillo help me.” Her voice was the eeriest sound I’ve heard to this day. It chilled me deeper than the icy waters of the winter pool. “Help me Armadillo before I can beg my daughter’s forgiveness.”

I fumbled for my phone for a minute and told her I was going to call the ER. She said she would hold on as best she could but I heard something different entirely.

“The doctors! The damn doctors! You put so much faith in the damn old doctors!”

I dropped my phone. There was no way she would make it till the medics got there. I told her I would be right back and ran to the front door. It was locked so I kicked it in. I ran to the parent’s bathroom cabinet and fumbled around till I found some painkillers. I grabbed them and a cup of water and ran them back to Rebecca. She was looking even worse and all the color had left her face. After forcing the pills down her throat I pulled her out of the car and flipped her on her stomach so I could search for the bullet.

I grabbed the first aid kit out of our car and grabbed the tweezers. I talked to Rebecca as I worked to keep her from passing out. Those must have been really strong pain killers because her eyes became dilated and she was babbling like a two year old. I finally found the bullet and I was able to remove it. I then rinsed her with a cup of alcohol. A half Solo of Crown, for we had no rubbing. She screamed like a wild banshee and tried to claw at me but I held her. After about five minutes of struggling I was able to stitch her up with a needle and thread I found in her trunk.

Granted she screamed even more than with she did with the Crown but the pills had her so high I don’t think she really knew what was going on. I knew the sewing thread wouldn’t last long so I jacked up the speed on that Convertible and got her to the ER in ten minutes passing three cops along the way. I continued to talk to her; I just couldn’t let her pass out quite yet.

*********************

            The medics took her in immediately when I said she had been shot. They then called Sheriff Smock and upon recognizing me his face darkened. He asked about the shooter and when I told him where he lived Smock said that that house had been deserted for half a century and was un-livable. I wonder how long it’s been since he’d been up there.

**********************

            The medics must have put Rebecca on a stronger drug than I did because she was out two minutes after administration. I was worried that this would be bad for her, but Dr. Davenport said she would be fine. He also said she was lucky I was there, for if I hadn’t stitched her up she would have surely bled to death. Then he showed me to the door so they could remove the thread, look for any bullet fragments (regardless that I showed him the whole bullet I pulled from her), and sew her back up. When they were finally done, after what seemed like decades, he told me I could go back in. So that’s where I stayed the remainder of the night, right by Rebecca’s bed side.

************************

I’m dead. That’s the first thought that went through my mind. I’m dead. Armadillo failed. I’m going to apologize to my Jasmine. Then we’ll hug and live our lives happily in Heaven’s arms. But wait, what’s that burning sensation in my back? Is that where the torment begins? Am in none other than that of Heaven’s opposite?

Ow. What’s that? OWWWWW! Damn Armadillo, there’s rubbing alcohol in the glove compartment. You don’t have to use the Crown. Ahh, that rain feels good in an open wound. Wait? What the hell’s that? Is a bee stinging me? No it’s a needle. Armadillo is sewing my shoulder together.

            Hopefully it’s just temporary. I really don’t think he knows what he’s doing but I appreciate it. Yah, I suppose my life is in his hands. Is he still talking? Doesn’t the idiot know I can’t make anything he’s saying out? But maybe it’s not important he’s probably just trying to keep me from passing… out.

*********************

            It was about three when Rebecca came to. I was relieved to say the least. Rebecca is my best friend, she’s all I have left. Those who fight together, grow together.  That’s my motto.

            “Armadillo…” Rebecca was starting to rise, but her voice told me she was still asleep. “Armadillo are you there? Armadillo?”

            “Rebecca! Rebecca I’m right here. I’ve been here all night. I never left your side. I’m here.”

“Armadillo,” she’s wide awake now, “be honest with me. How bad does it look?”

“I don’t think you’ll want to wear any spaghetti straps for awhile.” I was joking with her of course. It was mid-November; no one is going to be wearing straps for a while.

“Well shit! I just bought a new one last week.” She laughed then. We both did. It was nice; it had been a long time since I last laughed. After a while she continued. “Look at us! I was just hanging on to my life by a thread only hours before and now we’re laughing.”

Now I did know what to say to this. “If the time to laugh isn’t in the middle of a crisis, when is it?” And at that we laughed some more.  

            “Oh, hell, I don’t know? When things are good perhaps?” We were pathetic. My best friend almost died and here we are, both laughing about it. We laughed a little longer before she went on. “You’re a fool Armadillo.” That scared me for a moment. “A damn fool!” Then I realized she was kidding. “You are well aware that there was rubbing alcohol in the glove box right,” Interesting she knew what was going on after all, “and it’s always a good idea to sterilize a needle before shoving it into my back.”

“Hay, I panicked. I thought you had died.” I began to cry. “You are all I have left Rebecca. I didn’t know what to do. I just needed you tied up temporarily so I could get you here.”

“Well thank you for that. I suppose I owe my life to you. You truly are a genius detective, amazing man, and above all a true friend. I really owe you for this one.”

“You owe me nothing Rebecca.” Then I leaned into her and we kissed. Nothing graphic or really romantic, just a simple friendly kiss. Little did we know that that sweet innocent kiss would grow into something that no gunshot could ever stop. I pulled away from her and smiled. “Let’s just call it even at that okay?”

********************

Rebecca got leave from the hospital the following day so we headed back to the lab where all the bodies had been autopsied and were already waiting our arrival.

“Pequeños! I shouted for him. I wasn’t too happy with our miss communication about the murder the other night. “Pequeños! Where be you?” Still no response. “Midge where are you.” Then I spotted him in the corner on the floor. He must of fallen asleep here working last night. It wouldn’t be the first time. I motioned to Rebecca. “Bring me a cup of cold water.”

“Armadillo? You’re not that mean are you?” she looked discussed at the idea but her actions spoke louder as she went to the jug.

“It’s not mean. Actually I’m doing him a favor what if the boss were to see him like this. Sleeping on the job. It’s sinful.”

“Armadillo, how many times need I remind you that you are the boss.” Rebecca was shaking her head as she handed me the cup. “Besides don’t you think we should give him a break and just tap him on the shoulder today? He is the hardest worker of anyone in the agency anyways.”

I just want to point out that we are an agency of three. Midge, Rebecca, and I. That’s it. Vamoose! End of story. But tell me why do you need a large detective agency in little ol’ Bryan, Texas. It’s not like we’re in New York City or Vegas or even Miami. Our crime rates aren’t supposed to be near as high, though recently I’ve had my doubts.

“Well then,” I said, “he should be glad I’m a merciful boss.”

Rebecca looked as if she wanted to argue but didn’t.

“Ready?” I said.

“Aim.” came her reply.

“Fire!” We both shouted just as Midge opened his eyes to be greeted with a rush of water. Our shouting was custom, this wasn’t the first time we arrived to find Midge asleep.

The water rushed in Midge’s eyes knocking him flat on his back. “Maldita sea bastardo sangriento!!!” Somebody wasn’t too happy with his wake-up call.

“Don’t use that kind of language with me Midge or you’ll be looking for another job.” Of course I was kidding, he knew that. I’ve made this very same threat before and never acted.  I couldn’t replace Midge. It’s not worth the trouble to find another person to run the autopsies. Besides, no one could do it as well as Midge could.   

“Besides,” I said, “if anyone has any right to be angry it’s me after what happened last night.” Midge had a sincere look of confusion on his face. “You  really don’t remember do you? The adress you sent to Rebecca last night! The one where the dead body was found! There was no dead body there! Only a…” I paused for only a moment. “Only a … young couple.”