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A truth or dare- 2

by silvermoon17


2.

Everything happened seconds before dusk.

It all arrived so fast that I must explain what came to be beforehand, so that you can fully understand why I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

‘Ahem, Honey;’ I gazed over to Willow, almost sleepily; at the mention of my name. ‘Truth or dare,’

‘Truth,’

We had been playing that game for hours and yet my friends which I had invited over, didn’t seem to mind. Halsey told me she was going to meet some friends at the old house and that I had to stay here with them. She was 13 and I was three years younger, but I still felt betrayed of her leaving me with them. All I wanted was to be left alone.

With me? Dawn asked.

Of course, I replied defensively. She chuckled.

‘Wait let me think a sec’, she said as she tapped her chin. Cassandra joked a bit and all three, Cassandra, Willow and Julia started laughing. Seeing I wasn’t laughing, Willow hastily made up a Truth.

‘Have you ever loved someone?’

‘Yes,’

‘Who is it?’

‘I can’t tell,’ I said smiling, noting that I had to watch out next time I chose Truth.

‘Cassandra,’ Julia asked. ‘Truth or dare?’

‘Dare,’

It all continued for a long time. My sister had prepared all we needed from juices to sweets and once or twice we watched a movie and checked YouTube stuff. We were normal children playing. Nothing that weird.

‘I dare you to enter Halsey’s room and look for her diary.’ She was grinning widely, but even though I protested; they all went for it,

When she shouted she had found something, they all rushed to see; though I stayed behind.

The strange weirdo friend? Dawn ironized, before I could reply she quickly said her comeback:Truth or dare?

No you, Truth or dare? I answered instead

Truth.

Do you, I hesitated. Then I told myself I was dumb and asked. Love me?

Of course!Her voice was soft. I liked its sound. A sort of brushing of winds in my head. I liked her, but she was not real; physically speaking.

I heard that, she warned; she chuckled then leant forwards. Or at least, that’s what I thought she did. Truth or dare?

Dare,I replied without hesitation.

Go out there with your friends and stop being so miserable!

She had said that almost seriously though I could feel a more playful hue in the tone she used.

You were planning that from a long way, right? I protested in disdain. But in me I felt actually grateful, it was almost as if my body had heaved a sigh when she said that. I didn’t worry of Dawn being hurt, she never was; that’s because she could feel what I felt and could understand all my acts.

That’s what I liked the most in our friendship: this silent understanding, when someone understands things which can’t be put in words. That way there never was a flaw in our friendship which didn’t have a reason we both understood.

Now quit talking and go! She exclaimed. I muttered but followed where they had gone. Don’t see me as a unsociable person, I just liked to sometimes be left alone. I planned my futile speech (since anyway I’d forget what I planned in front of them) as I walked in the corridor and into my sister’s room, but as I did; I did notice the open diary and the pages- but I also noticed my two friends bent on another piece of work which outlines were familiar.

My whole body went rigid as a cold atmosphere ascended on us. The most intense of hate emerged from my void of emotions; where I usually felt blank, I now felt a burning heat. I didn’t even try taking it out of their hands. And from their looks; I judged that they had already read what was prohibited information. First came the hate, and later, like a cold shower; came the smothering feeling of betrayal.

Honey! You don’t know what you’re doing! Stop!

My vision was blurry as I raced across narrow streets. The trees were bent on me in a gesture which was meant to be terrific though it now only brought more to my utter despondency. I brushed away the tears from my eyes but my vision just became more blurry.

“Look, I’m sorry. If I can do anything-“

You can be silent! I replied on the defensive.

-just tell me.Then she went silent once and for all. I did not have one feeling of remorse for her, she felt what I was feeling; there was no reason why she should weep on what I said if she could feel and know what I was living through. Or so I believed.

I skidded to a stop as the outlines of the house came in sharper view.

I shivered.

How could’ve my sister even think of coming here? Her, so delicate. Like a fairy gently fingering flowers and delicately stroking my hair. She always smelled like ginger and a bright halo always hung around her wherever she went. Dawn liked her too. Or, in another way; I made her love my sister as much as I loved her myself.

I shivered violently and decided to go inside.

I didn’t know that what I had just done sealed several fates. 


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User avatar
289 Reviews


Points: 14053
Reviews: 289

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Tue Jul 02, 2019 3:48 pm
Dreamy wrote a review...



Hello silvermoon17!

If I remember correctly, part 1 ended with the kids rising a not-so-friendly spirit. So I thought part 2 will be about the spirit. But lo behold!

I understand this part deals with what happened seconds before the rising of the spirit. And I actually like that; I like how you are going back and forth with the story before actually arriving at integral part, it adds to the mystery and gives us a bit of an idea of the characters.

I noticed few things that needs care:

With me? Dawn asked.

Of course, I replied defensively. She chuckled.


You forgot to put in the quotes, it's okay if it's the first draft.

The strange weirdo friend? Dawn ironized, before I could reply she quickly said her comeback:Truth or dare?


Ironized? I don't know what you're going for what with that description. Again, forgot to quote in the dialogues.

No you, Truth or dare? I answered instead

Truth.

Do you, I hesitated. Then I told myself I was dumb and asked. Love me?

Of course!Her voice was soft. I liked its sound. A sort of brushing of winds in my head. I liked her, but she was not real; physically speaking.


Again, the quotes. And Dawn is not real? Oh my god! That came out of nowhere. But it was also cute.

I heard that, she warned; she chuckled then leant forwards. Or at least, that’s what I thought she did. Truth or dare?
Dare,I replied without hesitation.
Go out there with your friends and stop being so miserable!


Quotes! And I'd go with "leaned" instead of "Leant" since the former reads well with the sentence, I believe. This conversation was cute, I still couldn't believe that Dawn is not a real person.

You can be silent! I replied on the defensive.


"Defensively."

I'm guessing by opening the sister's diary, they raised a bad spirit. I'd like to know more what happens next.

Keep writing!




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117 Reviews


Points: 38
Reviews: 117

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Wed Jun 26, 2019 8:09 pm
Katnes wrote a review...



Katnes here for a review-be warned! I don't mean to offend, and my intention is to polish your writing, but you may feel offended anyway!

Praise
Actually this was pretty thoughtful, I can see a thread of deep meaning through it. I appreciate writing like that. In My Honest Opinion, not enough writing has enough thought. Usually writing is designed to entertain. I thought that was neat.

Grammar, & More
To start with I believe this could be written differently

She was 13 and I was three years younger, but I still felt betrayed of her leaving me with them. All I wanted was to be left alone.

That of could be replaced with the word by.

She was 13 and I was three years younger, but I still felt betrayed of her leaving me with them. All I wanted was to be left alone.

She was 13 and I was three years younger, but I still felt betrayed by her leaving me with them. All I wanted was to be left alone.

See the difference?

And here again you use the word of where another word could have suited it better-


I didn’t worry of Dawn being hurt, she never was; that’s because she could feel what I felt and could understand all my acts.

Try this
I didn't worry about Dawn getting hurt, she never was; that's because she could feel what I felt and understood all my acts.
See the difference?

Here the word an is the proper word to use in this context

Don’t see me as a unsociable person, I just liked to sometimes be left alone.

Try this
Don't see me as an unsociable person, I just liked to be left alone sometimes.

That's all I could find at the moment. I'll be back however for a more more in depth examination.

Overview
This was a pretty interesting piece that was well thought out. Thanks for posting this.
Katnes out





"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt