Published May 17, 2008
Last nite i had a dream
About you about wen i said i love u
Then i said i missed u to
And now i wish you were here
Then laughter and the
Words i love u would be all
You could hear
And even when my blood
Spills onthe floor
It forms heard with your
Name and i love u more
All i need is u
Life withought you is like
Havin my heart riped out
When your a round
A light you light up my life with
It makes me want to shout
I love you like a fat kid loves
Cake and breaking choclate bars
I'd do anything for you
Even climb a billion staires.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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128,309 Literary Works • 671,489 Reviews
Welcome to YWS!
I'm sure others will be drilling you about the 2:1 ratio, so I'll just be getting to the review.
This isn't very good in my opinion.
1. You need a dictionary! And please no tlkin lik dis...
2. To, Too, and Two... learn the difference.
3. I'm a fan of cliche *points to sig*, but this is just... argggh! Been there, read that. Please try putting some originality into it!
4.
50 Cent song? "21 Questions"? Yeah, that has to go.
5. you need a better beggining and end and poem... it's too boring and overused.
Well, that's all I got. Good luck, I hope you improve this, it needs a whole lotta work!
I must agree with Mad on this subject please change it, then ask people to take you seriously.
Just edit this, please. Proper spelling, proper punctuation all that unimportant stuff.