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an honest lie

by scribbleinks


there's a well of ink and fantasy within my chest
pouring out from my heart onto paper
and still I cannot express my introspections
or even begin to form the words
to convey a truth or feeling
to manifest a shattered pulse
wherein would lie daydreams of wandering
of a weary caged bird's wings in flight

why should I give up my own repose
when it's easier to prevaricate and lie
when it's easier to don a fanciful mask of deceit
my honesty is shrouded away from sharpened knives
and tucked out of sight of lashings from tongues
why should I allow somebody else to behold my heart
and to pass judgement on what they may divine
when my cocoon is perfectly alone unassailable

there's a severed path between my mind and my mouth
and I'm so scared of paint dripping from the brush I hold
marring all the lucid colours
yet how can I perceive such distress
when the stains have already smeared together
and warped all the vivid images spilled onto canvas
trading another part of a restless soul
only to trial amnesia over a pining ember for more

this world is my weight to bear
and I'll forever be better when I'm on my own
isolation with my fictitious truths
I have no reason to grant anyone a window to my soul
when I am insincerely capable of my own providence
so here I will keep with these aching wings
and you can't enter this gilded fortress
if you have no presence presents to offer


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29 Reviews


Points: 1400
Reviews: 29

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Wed May 16, 2018 3:17 pm
LadyAstella says...



This is very deep, I love this!
Very emotional, and full of meaning.
I love your work, keep on writing
You are an amazing writer.
I look forward to reading more of your work.

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
-Mahatma Gandhi




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29 Reviews


Points: 1400
Reviews: 29

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Wed May 16, 2018 3:16 pm
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LadyAstella says...



This is very deep, I love this!
Very emotional, and full of meaning.
I love your work, keep on writing
You are an amazing writer.
I look forward to reading more of your work.

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
-Mahatma Gandhi




scribbleinks says...


thank you! :)



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23 Reviews


Points: 281
Reviews: 23

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Tue May 15, 2018 9:39 am
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Jevan13 wrote a review...



Your poem was like ambrosia from the gods, appeasing, beautiful, powerful yet not all can take it in. Your eloquence is amazing, so much so that this seems like a professional piece of poetry. This has the potential to be famous as it speaks to a topic that nigh everyone on the face of the earth can relate to. The imagery was clear, it was not hard for me to conceptualize the words and see the persona of the poem. Just one thing, remember that all meaning should be relevant in some way, so if you want to use flight give us a reason as to why. Let the readers understand that the persona is indecisive or anything you need to convey. But that would not stop me from giving this a 10/10.

Most compelling Lines:

"and I'm so scared of paint dripping from the brush I hold smudging all the lucid colours"
"I have no reason to grant anyone a window to my soul"
"why should I give up my own repose when it's easier to prevaricate and lie"
"the atlas is my weight to bear"
"this gilded fortress"
"to manifest a shattered pulse"




scribbleinks says...


that's super sweet, thank you for your review! I hope you have a lovely day :)



Jevan13 says...


It was a great read! You have a good night as well.



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Mon May 14, 2018 5:15 pm
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Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing this poem about someone who feels like both a caged bird in flight and a painter and one who is cocooned and wants to remain in isolation. I love poetry that uses imagery as much as this one does. It completely sets it apart from common prose in a very powerful way. Usually, poems tend to restrict themselves to one image and develop the poem around it. This poem adds two, caged birds wings in daydreaming flight, and a painter. So care has to be taken that they don’t cancel out or contradict each other.

Questions arose

The speaker is determined to remain isolated. If indeed that is so, why is he desperately flapping his wings in daydreams? When a bird flies it wants to go somewhere. If it is in a cage and is flapping its wings, it will be understood as wanting freedom from that cage. Yet the cage is where the speaker tells us he wants to be. How does that harmonize with his happiness in being isolated in the cage he compares to a gilded palace?

Expressions that I like:

Caged bird’s wings in flight

....my honesty is shrouded away from sharpened knives

....and tucked out of sight of lashings from tongues

....this gilded fortress

....fanciful mask of deceit

....isolation with my fictitious truths

....daydreams of wandering

....manifest a shattered pulse

....insincerely capable of my own providence


Suggestions:

Mask of deceit and honesty seem to clash.

Atlas was not a weight-The Titan Atlas bore a weight.

Dripping brush doesn’t smudge, it blots.
A finger smudges or blurs details when pressed and swiped over a surface .

to done a fanciful
[to don a fanciful]

-----------------------------------

All in all a very interesting read that captures the imagination and provides a vast diversity for profound interpretation.




scribbleinks says...


Thank you for your review! The painting was actually more metaphorical (something happening and ruining hard work/a mistake being made and causing a fallout/etc), but I also like that interpretation.

The voice on the right is meant to be lying (what writer wants you to believe), while the one on the left is longing (what writer is actually feeling). If that clears anything up :)

Again, thank you for reviewing this <3 I hope you have a lovely day!




The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson