Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » General

E - Everyone

The Sculptor's Knife: Chapter 1.1

by redvictory


I had a bad habit of running my hands against walls as I walked. My fingertips buzzed as they skimmed along bricks, over their rough faces and into their plastered grooves. It spread to anything, really. My heart raced when I sliced my palm open on something not made to be touched.

I did the same thing when I sculpted. There were a few splinters that I caught too late permanently lodged in my fingers from my wooden sculptures. I had no restraint with them before they were sanded. My clay pieces all boasted the faintest dips and warps. If anyone ever saw them they probably wouldn’t notice, but I did. I could mark where my fingertips grazed the curves and edges before the clay dried.

I was the worst about my found object pieces. I was surprised that they were all still holding together. A few of the pieces were less stable than they once were, but none had fallen apart yet. Sometimes when the world felt too tight I would pick one of them up and hold it for however long I needed. I had never timed myself to see exactly how much time that usually was.

Things felt too small like that all the time. Walking in the hallways through the crowds of kids who liked to shove me and call me names. The car when I took my neighbor who hated me to school. My empty house at night.

Small spaces were the only thing I was scared of ever since my friends in fourth grade locked me in a linen crate. And when they tied me up and left me under a bed. And when they pinned me to the ground with the legs of a chair and a blanket.

I didn’t have good experiences with small spaces. Or friends.

Maybe that’s why I liked touching walls so much. I liked knowing my boundaries. However confining they may have been.

I touched walls less and less when I started my senior year of high school. For the most part I just clung to myself. I slowly transitioned to walking with my hands in my pockets or clutching my backpack straps. Sometimes it felt like I was holding myself together with just my own two hands, and that without them my atoms would lose their grip on each other and fly into entropy. My family had moved at the end of the summer before, so without connections, all I had was myself to keep my composure.

I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. My family was poor, so my dad getting a higher-paying job in a new state sounded nice. I think I knew in the back of my mind that nothing would change. I would still have to pay the bills. My father would just have even more money to spend on things that, to me, didn’t need buying. But he had his monsters to feed, and they had no quota.

I was right; everything was the same. Same house that looked expensive enough to please my mother, but was just badly-built enough to be in our price range. Same lunches alone and rude classmates. Even ruder now: being the new kid makes one an easy target. Same nights spent alone bent over schoolwork and sculpting with the time I had left. Same pizza job where I came home smelling like grease with crumbs in my hair. The only things that changed were my sculptures. They always changed, and I got to control it. I cupped curves that I carved, clay that I pressed, trash that turned to treasure in my hands. Maybe that’s why I liked touching things so much. It gave me control. Or at least the illusion of it.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
122 Reviews


Points: 4081
Reviews: 122

Donate
Fri Nov 15, 2019 4:36 pm
Honora wrote a review...



Hey Red! Here for that review I promised! :D
Since I've never reviewed anything of yours before, I'll give you the rundown of my usual format. So, I start by telling you what I think can be worked on and then I leave you a positive note of what I liked. Also, I don't mean any offence by anything I say. I have good intentions and just want to help! ;) Feel free to disregard what I say if you don't agree. :D

Review time!

The car when I took my neighbor who hated me to school.
This sentence kind of confused me. I think you were trying to talk about the car being confining but I had to reread it to get it so maybe just change the wording a bit. ;)

I bit the sawdust out from under my nails. The taste spread dry across my tongue. I went up to bed.
Ok, so this was good but felt a bit choppy and ended a bit oddly. It felt rushed and kind of like you just didn't want to write anymore. Maybe have a sentence about her getting tired?

Those were the only small nitpicks I have for you. Now, the biggest thing I noticed about your writing style is that it's very heavy with no dialogue. There were lots of times where dialogue could have beenn used but you didn't use it. It made this chapter super dense. It was good in a way because I really felt like I was just in her hed because she's super secluded but it was a bit overwhelming.
When Connie first starts talking to her would be a perfect time to start with a bit of dialogue. You don't have to make her talk much but Connie and the others were chattering and having fun so it would be nice to see some of their words. How they talk and what they say is also an awesome way of your readers to get a read on them. Shape our own thoughts about them.
One more thing...WE DON"T EVEN KNOW HER NAME! Lol 'm not yelling I'm just dying :-P

Ok, I'm done being a pain now ;)

Overall, I really like this. I'm pretty curious to see where this goes. The way her mind works with all her imaginings of the sculptures and stuff is just fascinating and so different. I really like her intake on things (although slightly depressing) because they are super realistic and relatable. The way you gave us a good look on her family life was nice too. I hate it when authors just dangle information about the characters family life and then don't tell you anything more about it. So kudos for that. :D
I like the description you use because it gives your readers a good sense of what's going on around them and that's awesome. At the same time, you still let us connect with her. Saying her because we don't know her name. :-P

Anyway, I'll leave you with that. :D




Honora says...


OOOOPS! I thought your main character was character was a girl....



redvictory says...


Haha, it%u2019s okay! And yep, his name is Ashton! The writing is actually heavy on purpose, I%u2019m planning on introducing more and more dialogue and %u201Ctraditional narrative%u201D style as I go to emphasize Ashton%u2019s changing thought process. Your feedback means a lot though! I%u2019ll keep it all in mind as I edit! :)



Honora says...


Lol I thought if that after I posted it. I mean the using it as a way to evolve his character :) I am glad it helps tho! :D



User avatar
177 Reviews


Points: 918
Reviews: 177

Donate
Fri Nov 15, 2019 3:35 pm
EverLight wrote a review...



EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway...

First Impression
Interesting, interesting...but somehow this reminds me of a certain movie....

Nitpicks & Grammar
On to the review!

I had a bad habit of running my hands against walls as I walked.
Remove that sentence, it starts better with the preceding lines
My fingertips buzzed as they skimmed along bricks,-
Insert the word the-
over their rough faces and into their plastered grooves.-Reword that. Something about that sentence just doesn't read well-It spread to anything, really. Consider removing that sentence.


Same house that looked expensive enough to please my mother, but was just badly-built enough to be in our price range. Same lunches alone and rude classmates. Even ruder now: being the new kid makes one an easy target. Same nights spent alone bent over schoolwork and sculpting with the time I had left. Same pizza job where I came home smelling like grease with crumbs in my hair. The only things that changed were my sculptures.You used the word same three times. Be careful not to use a word more then twice. And you missed the word the before the word same.

Other then that I couldn't find any other problems.

Style & Flow
Nothing to critique here.

Overall you did an awesome job!! Keep it up!




redvictory says...


Thank you so much for your feedback! It%u2019s really valuable to me, and I%u2019ll keep it in mind as I edit. Could you tell me what movie it reminds you of? There%u2019s nothing I%u2019m consciously basing this off of, but I want to make sure I%u2019m not accidentally getting too close to a plot people have heard before. Thanks!



EverLight says...


You're welcome! I forgot the title of a movie unfortunately, but it was about how a criminal escaped from prison.



redvictory says...


Oh, Shawshank Redemption? I could see the wall symbolism lining up... Ashton isn%u2019t in prison though, haha! Well to be fair he is in high school, which isn%u2019t far off... ;)



EverLight says...


That's the movie I'm thinking off, yeah.




To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.
— Allen Ginsberg