rabbits in holes , birds in nests
it will take too long to mention the rest
the worms and the bugs
the birds and the bees
could live in soil ,nests or honey trees
everything ,even rats will always keep thier habitats
thier is lots of kinds of habitats
for tigers,lions,bears and bats
ants have anthills ,hedgehogs have holes
everything has a habitat
even things like moles
everything even dogs and cats
will always keep thier habitats
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey there rachel.
I looked over this poem a couple of times this morning but it took me awhile to get my thoughts into place for a review. One of the first bothersome things to stick out to the readers is going to be the issue with the comma formatting, which I'm hoping to blame on the publishing center. However if it's not a publishing center formatting issue, that is gonna be a major problem and thing to learn in the future.
1. commas stick next to the word.
2. there needs to be a space after each one of those commas.
And this also brings me into the flow issue because commas are a major player wrapped up in that. I'd like to see a bit more work on the flow, through proper punctuation and perhaps a bit of rewording and structure changes as well. These are more minor issues on their own but the amount of repetition in this (and then of course in other things), is causing some annoyance for me.
The repetition within the poem content needs to be cut down because there's just too much of it. The word "Habitats" being repeated over and over again, is giving more of a childish feel to the poem, which was already apparent with the wording. I can see the age that you were when this was written and I doubt you ever expected it to be judged as an adult was writing it. But age isn't really that much of an excuse, no matter what the followup reviewer is about to say.
I'm disappointed in this poem because I usually like to see the potential of science based poem. It lacks a flare to set it apart from the rest of the group and my main recommendation is to think about actual imagery? Like the current set up is just generalized descriptions and this doesn't do anything for any part of the story telling effect.
Good luck.
Happy revmo.
- lizz
It was... cute. No offense but it sounds like an "introduction to biology" thingy for little kids. The ryhming is too forced. I think that the next one you write shouldn't do rhyme. Try and write an emotion based one.
:twitches: this is original one for me. Rhymes do tend to make me shiver, as did this but it was still nice. I feel obligated to tell you that it sounded forced and that it makes hard on my stomach and I just finished eating. Good job, however.