after he
I left him,
a stage I went through,
I called it recovery.
but now I know,
it was not recovery,
recovery will last forever.
that stage was
numb.
that stage was
feeling empty.
that stage was
being free.
and since it was my first free time
in a while,
I had trouble coping.
soon I will be able to be.
just to be.
maybe one day
I'll be able
to be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey, qalbdaye!
This poem was a perfect Lament. I liked how you've let the feelings carve into a beautiful poem.
I admire the way the pain is expressed here.
The truth is that anytime you try to distract yourself from feeling what you’re feeling, you’re avoiding the fact that you’re not whole. Something is missing, damaged or broken, and until you face it, no person or thing will ever make you feel complete.
So true the void tries to gobble us up, we need to tackle it,as much as it hurts, the void should not be feared. The void is where miracles, strength and change are born.
Seeing that person who made us unhappy, So happy and normal does hurt like hell. If our affection is true it'll be unable to imitate them.
Facades are temporary though, the masks will fall off oneday.
I liked how you expressed at the end, that
It held the grasp to the poem.Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
Keep up the awesome writing.
My suggestions is that after a period you don't capitalize the first letter. Just a small error, for your kind info.
Thanks for sharing this amazing piece.
thank you so much for your awesome review i really appreciate it! ~a
You're welcome. The WORK was AWESOME
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem about the stages you experienced in recovering from a meaningful relationship. Most readers will identify with the speaker since most adult readers and even adolescent ones have experience the traumatic emotions involved in a separation.
I like the way that the poem seems to describe withdrawal symptoms as if a relationship can be similar to drug addiction.
One moment one feels loved and the next one feels hated. One moment one is the center of attention and the next one is ignored. One moment one has profound trust and the next one is given reason for suspicion. It is similar to coming out of a sauna into the blast of frigid arctic wind. Better yet, of being thrown into isolation in a padded cell to get rid of an addiction cold turkey. Not a very pleasant experience.
I had something similar happen to me when I was told that my aunt was not my real mother. Suddenly the whole universe was turned upside down and I had to deal with it the best I could. I was only four years old at the time. Very traumatic!
Suggestions
I find it more readable this way:
I left him,
a stage I went through[.]
I called it recovery[,]
but now I know
it was not recovery,
recovery will last forever.
-
[T]hat stage was
numb.
[T]hat stage was
feeling empty.
[T]hat stage was
being free.
[A]nd since it was my first free time
in a while,
I had trouble coping.
-
[S]oon I will be able to be[,]
just to be.
[M]aybe one day
I'll be able
to be.
Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
thank you for your suggestions !!
Thank you for sharing your views on a breakup.
--
Hi, Manilla here for a review. Let's get right in it, shall we?
I don't know how to describe this poem as a whole other than that you're trying to move on with the shell of yourself, and as you go, fill it up so you can be the person you were. I'm sure it's hard for you to write this out; Were you reliving your memories? Because you dropped us into a state of mind like the reader themself was doing so.
I honestly have no content comments on how you arranged the poem's plot, so I will focus on the more optional side of things. The flow of the poem was choppy, but given the meaning, that could be intentional. By doing this I suggest longer stanzas with commas, but once again, it is only optional.
Also, the capitalization could be more consistent if you'd like - I understand that you capitalize "I", but it, for me at least, breaks the poem's visual pattern slightly.
The italicization of "while" could be debated upon as necessary, whether the first and last lines definitely deserve it.
That's all from me - This was truthfully ambivalent, describing the baby steps it takes to find yourself again. I hope you can recover and find your wings again. If it helps, keep writing - You have so many beautiful things to say.
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem unhelpful or rude. That was not my intention.)
"Were you reliving your memories?" yes I was ! And thank you for your suggestions I will be glad to take them into consideration. ~a