Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

The world was finally on one currency. It is a dark time. The tribal peoples had been all but eradicated, yet a remnant remained. It was from this group of people that our salvation would emerge. Our future or our destruction? Some may think that the future may be more hi-tech, and I would say that they’re correct. Others may think that the future may hold cures for all types of disease’s. One again I would say that that would be true. Then a very small percent will believe that Earth would be destroyed by the 2500's. That was also right, Earth isn’t habitable, humankind no longer lives there. But something else does.

Okay well this is an intriguing start. For starters it seems to be set in something akin to the far future but then something about it also makes it seem like its got a bit more to do with the past than what seems immediately apparent. It does at least appear to be set in some sort of reality alternate to our own as opposed to sort of a future version of our current one. Either way there is more than enough happening in this opening to capture your attention and keep it there quite well here.

After the destruction of Earth from the effects of global-warming and other variables, humankind didn’t have anywhere to go. People began to disappear. With fear that the end of Earth was coming, NASA astronauts set out to find a new plant to start a new life. NASA astronauts had their sight’s on set on a beautiful, peaceful, habitable planet that they have named Caste in the outer realms of The Milky Way. With a five years living on Caste the astronauts have evaluated that it is safe to create humankind’s new home there. They have already built city’s and homes, with the help of other astronauts and scientist all over the world.

So here we begin a new life, with unexpected twist and turns, Maybe then we might find the truth of who we really are and who we were meant to be.

Hmm well this is certainly a different take on this. With this start it seemed like it was headed in any number of directions, then we got the classic humanity destroyed Earth by being horrible at things situation, but surprisingly this is the sort of first time I've seen such a move take place so smoothly and quite so fast here. Of course there are those sort of alien civilization situation so this isn't completely unique but the sort of peace that seems to surround this situation is certainly unique so on the whole I think this makes for a pretty unique and pretty intriguing start here. I can't wait to see where you take this particular situation.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hello prefect! Nice to meet you, I'm Mark

I am sorry to say, but you have broken a rule on YWS: we do ask that you keep your review:submission ratio to 2:1. Please correct this, and will certainly get far more, and better quality, reviews. Also, you may want to introduce yourself in the Welcome forum.

But, I think it is my duty to give you a welcoming critique! So... here goes:

The world was finally on one currency. It is a dark time.

A few things: change in tense. You must decide whether you are writing in the past or present tense, and after skimming through the rest, I see this is set in the past. Also, second thoughts, I don't like the 'was' at start. This is a very dull verb, and used too often (especially as an opening) can drive the reader insane. It loses suspense as well, slowing the pace. Perhaps something like :Finally, the World saw itself on one currency. Not much better, but do see what I am saying?

peoples had been all but eradicated, yet a remnant remained. It was from this group of people

There is a close repetition of people which I don't like. Furthermore, I reckon 'It was from this' shortens down the sentence and removes unneeded words, which just bulk and reduce the quality of the piece.

Our future or our destruction?

'Our' seems out of place, perhaps just 'the'. Maybe you would want to join this with the preceding sentence, so it relates more with it.

Some may think that the future may be more hi-tech, and I would say that they’re correct.

Another change in tense. 'I would have said' flows better here.

I don't feel I am going to carry on doing more line-by-line feedback, as I doubt it will benefit you. Here, I am seeing a lot of telling, which although normally acceptable for the prologue, this is just making it dull. I find there is no personality in this piece - no opinions. I think you have had some great ideas here, such as "The future of our destruction?" but I am finding the way you get across them, very tiring.

We need your own style to emerge - I see so far that you are trying to find yourself, which is great really. Have a go at experimenting - try different genres, openings, stories etc, until you think you have found your voice. This takes a long time, and I can't help much there. Write stuff down, then ask yourself what works, what doesn't. If you want best advice, have a go at speedwriting. Take a look at this place.

Honestly, keep posting here, keep reading, keep improving. I hope I have been some help,
-Mark