z

Young Writers Society


16+

Shock + Awe [1.2]

by penngreen4776


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

My hands, luckily, weren't covered in pus, blood, or torn skin when I peeled my gloves off. To keep that up, I wash my hands to make sure the smell of copper is off me. The mirror in front of me has a subtle crack across its face, only visible if you were facing it in an attempt at symmetricality. 

Of course, my face stared back at me. My eyes were somewhat reddened, probably from me rubbing them for the past few minutes to rid myself of the rampant tiredness that came with losing a charge. My dark hair was slightly frantic, and I combed through it with my fingers to keep it down. Either way, I was glad I looked like me, and not someone who had just threatened death upon an annoying gearhead. 

I was lucky enough to have not been seen moving beyond the bathroom door, so instead of people shouting "Holy shit, Gwen is Conduit!", my friends instead glomped on my person before I even stuck my head outside. Carla's arms were tight around my torso while Jess hugged my neck. It was pleasant, knowing how much they cared. 

I was only a little guilty that I lied about hiding in a bathroom during a school invasion. 

Carla spoke first as soon as she let me go, finger pointed directly between my eyes. "You ever do that again, Gwendolyn, I'm kicking your ass." Carla was around five feet tall, with blonde hair that fell in curls and bright green eyes. Because of that, she looked less like she was about to kick someone's ass and more like a pouting child about to throw a tantrum. Of course, actually saying that outloud was bound to get the girl to kick my ass, powers or no, so I only nodded in agreement. "Yes ma'am." I said, playfully giving her a two-finger salute. 

Jess hadn't let go just yet, and I neglected to pull away from her anyway. I knew how hard it was to let go of someone you knew and cared about when they weren't around. 

Before I could even turn and attempt to hug her back, the intercom came on as she let go. "To all students wandering the halls during this stressful time, it would be to your pleasure to know that the rest of this school day has been canceled. Buses have already gathered in the parking lots-" I didn't hear the rest of the message our principal was giving us, as soon enough everyone that knew someone with a car were suddenly dragging themselves downstairs and out the doors. The three of us were soon caught up in the sudden horde of scared/excited teenagers, and I hung on tight to my backpack as my nerves began to fire. 

Some people, those with no idea if a gearhead might've crafted an explosive self-destruct in her creations, were gathered around the cyborg bodies and puddles Tinman and I left behind. Though, I guess it was mostly I, wasn't it? I resisted the urge to shout at them to leave it alone. 

Carla had an elbow wrapped around both Jess and I, and soon we were out of the school and approaching Jess's car. "We needed a break anyway, don't we?" Carla tried to pull us into answering, but there was a simmering anger in her voice that I didn't want to trip. We were soon off, with Jess of course driving, Carla in the backseat, and me in shotgun. 

Unlike Carla, Jess wasn't easily pulled into casual conversation. The redhead was tall, pragmatic, and had a debilitating addiction to cape-romance and gossip. I didn't want to talk about that unless I had too, and I could feel that Carla herself wasn't feeling up to it either. Instead we sat in silence, waiting in traffic for what felt like a sign. 

Carla, like usual, quickly became bored and turned on the radio by sneaking her arm through the space between me and Jess. However, her concentration face, usually marked by her sticking her tongue out, was quickly overcome by her frustrated face, as Jess's radio was only playing a news channel and what seemed to be countless musical supers. "Seriously, Jess? How many capes with good singing voices even exist?" I wasn't too sure myself. Three years in and I never thought to ask. 

Jess obviously didn't dignify Carla's complaints with an answer, instead turning red as she turned left. Carla eventually settled on a radio show, from what I could tell was talking about supers and capes without mentioning either term. I tuned it out, instead choosing to look out the window for any plume of smoke. 

Was it wrong that I wanted Aegis, Ammo, and Tinman to burn Technomon to the ground? Maybe. But that was why Tinman made me charge a battery before leaving. Meanwhile, in my thoughts, my hand reached out for my bag at my feet. A small peak revealed my suit, still there and still ruined. I haven't worn it yet for a full day, and somehow I still ended up with tatters. It was certainly better than the others that came before it. Actual armor woven into the fabric, and the colors were easily recognizable if I were out. 

I tried not to dwell on the fact that the first bad guy I came across in it immediately tried lethal force. Bad thoughts did not equal happiness. 

The radio's volume suddenly went up, and I wanted to thank Jess for pulling me out of my thoughts when I heard. "-and it seems that the local Hero League has already pulled out to face the dreaded villain that dared to attack one of our local schools! We have a caller already on standby. Hello, you're on."

A young man's voice came on. "Hi, yeah, I was there. I was stuck in one of the classrooms, but also got to see first hand whatever the fuck Technomon had rampaging through our school!" I winced slightly at the admission. If he saw the cyborgs, he likely saw me too. "We didn't do anything, but we also got to see some kickass action from Conduit! She was there, in some kickass new costume too! It was all glowy and shit, and she, after something from Tinman when he came by, fucking exploded those robot-animals into puddles! I don't know 'bout anyone else, but I'm kinda glad Conduit got here so quickly."

I blinked. That was unexpected. I don't think I've ever actually been referred to as "kickass" for destroying someone's toy soldiers before. The radio host coughed over the line. "Ah, well, thank you for that energetic retelling. Now, if you don't mind, we over here on Capes'n'Cowls have a few questions for you."

"Yeah, no problem man." The boy's voice was jittery. I had hoped that no one had actually seen me, but in this digital age it was a moot point. Carla and Jess were already paying deep attention, and I looked at my phone in what I hoped looked like a nonchalant gesture.

"How much of the action were you able to see? From what we can tell from our people on the scene, there were actually very few of these... 'robot animals', you said?" There were five, exactly. Two of them were wandering the school as if they were searching for something, and three of them seemed to have found it. 

"I only saw the two get wrecked by Conduit and Tinman, yeah, and I was on the ground when that last one exploded. But yeah, there were a couple more some friends of mine saw that were dead. They were gross, man, I mean grotesque as all fuck." They were animals crudely and harshly lobotomized and outfitted with lethal weaponry. He wasn't wrong about them being hard to look at. 

"Alright, second question. Conduit was on the scene, yes? Did anyone actually see her enter the school to take on Technomon? Or was she visiting for something else?" Crap. Jess and Carla were paying enough attention they didn't notice me fidget, but I was already forcing down static as the guy answered. "No, I don't think so. I mean, she's Conduit, right? She's a hero, what other reason would she be at a school other than to save it, yeah?"

The Capes'n'Cowls host answered before I could get my thoughts in order. "Well, yes. We most certainly thank Conduit for her service all these years, especially against monsters such as the Triple A, and we're not trying to expose or criticize her for a thankfully victimless crime-in-progress. We here at Capes'n'Cowls are simply curious as to the speed of which she responded."

Thankfully, the caller, who seemed to be a little brighter than I thought, was imagining something different to what Capes'n'Cowls were inferring. "I mean, Technomon was stealing some stuff from Blizzard, who I think goes here?! It's so crazy! I could know this chick! She might sit behind me in class!"

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. No one except the nosy host thinks Conduit might be a student at Conner High. Unfortunately for Blizzard though, I don't think my offhand comment helps her any. If the League gets into contact quickly, we might be able to keep anyone from breaching Conner High's attendance for today, but I doubted Blizzard would appreciate us digging into her private life. 

The host seemingly faltered after his subtle digging failed, and the call was soon dropped after some excuse of having more callers on hold. The host spoke, "Next caller, you're live."

"Hey, so, I actually got to meet Conduit for a minute before she took off." Carla said in the back seat. I turned hard enough I felt whiplash, and Jess quickly swerved off the road and into a parking lot when she heard Carla's voice echo on the radio. 

"Really?" Asked the host. "What was she like? We here at Capes'n'Cowls have heard rumors that Conduit might be sporting a new outfit. What was it like?" I rubbed my eyes in frustration and just let Carla speak of her own accord. "Oh, uh, well it was totally meant to be fully concealing, you know? Skin tight, navy blue, kinda glowing on some spots?" Oh no, please don't. I was about to shush the petite girl but she just kept talking. "It was all torn up though. A huge hole just smack dab over her stomach. I don't think she realized how much was exposed because I was pretty sure I could see her-" I made a cutting motion with my hand towards Jess, and she understood immediately. We both simultaneously pulled the lever on our seats and leaned backwards. Carla stopped her motormouth speech and made a sound that was fairly appropriate for someone of her size, all the while dropping her phone. I snatched it up and quickly drained and recharged it while making a show of hanging up. 

The radio host was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Ah, she hung up. Must've forgotten to charge her phone in all that mess!" he quipped. Jess turned down the radio, and I could tell she was already tired of it. Carla, however, seemed to be fuming. Calmly, I held out my hand with her phone. "Please don't do that again."

She immediately snatched it out of my hand. "Then don't steal my phone!" She complained as she swiped and typed on it. "You better not have deleted it..." I frowned. "Deleted what?"

She froze up a little. Then she smiled coyly, and I knew I just stumbled into a loaded topic. "Oh, you know. Actually, no, you were in the bathroom, for some reason..." Carla swiped again on her phone and turned its screen towards me. 

...it took me a moment to register that Carla had a picture of me, of Conduit, and her abs on full display. 

"Oh dear goodness, Carla," I laughed in spite of my shock. Carla laughed too, a pretty chuckle that made it obvious that she thought getting a picture of a super's abs was amazing. Jess didn't laugh all that much, and as I turned forward just as she got the car moving, she held a rather conspicuous grin. "Hey, send that to me?"

I couldn't help it. I face-palmed, trying very hard not to let my inner sanity crack under the pressure of my two best friends ogling my body. Carla howled in the backseat, and idly I wondered how they would react if they knew it was me under that suit. 

Eventually, Jess and Carla saw me going home. Specifically, they saw me enter my apartment building and drove off. As I watched them leave my street, out of view from my sight, I did what I felt was right for the moment and went up to my apartment. 

A boring elevator with no music and five floors later, I unlocked my door. It was... small. Cozy. I had my couch, my kitchen, my bed and TV... It made sense, inside my home. I wasn't Conduit right now, nor was I Gwen. I was just someone who needed to relax after a trying day of heroics and tempting fate.

I felt my body deliberately aim for my couch to unwind muscles that have yet to untense. As my backpack fell off my shoulders and my legs collapsed as they always did after school, my mind suddenly flashed with my self-appointed mission; Get up and find Blizzard. 

"Mmhrmm," I groaned, despite myself.

I rolled over to my back. Instead of hurrying, like the professional three-year veteran Conduit would do, I acted like the teenager I was and set a timer on my phone. If I were lucky, Tinman and the others would be back at HQ by the time I woke up. 

What hasn't Tinman or the others called in? I checked my phone again, making sure I hadn't missed anything. Still nothing. My nerves set in again, and this time I didn't force down static and let bright, yellow-green tendrils of plasma fire in the space between my fingers.

Sleep couldn't come fast enough.


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Sat Sep 05, 2020 2:34 am
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EternalRain wrote a review...



Hi there!

I haven't read the first part of the chapter, I'm just jumping into this right here! I hope that's okay. Despite not having read the first part, I still feel like I have a GREAT understanding of what's going on, which I always think is a good thing when I read random chapters of someone's story. There's lots of context available, and I'm easily able to put together descriptions and events. It's smooth and understandable!

One thing I noticed right away when reading was the switch between past and present tense--I think there was just a little slip up there at the beginning of the chapter, because most of the rest of the chapter seems to be in past tense.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. No one except the nosy host thinks Conduit might be a student at Conner High. Unfortunately for Blizzard though, I don't think my offhand comment helps her any. If the League gets into contact quickly, we might be able to keep anyone from breaching Conner High's attendance for today, but I doubted Blizzard would appreciate us digging into her private life.


This bit confused me a bit; not sure if this is something I missed in the previous part, but thought I'd mention it anyway just in case. The "Blizzard" bit confuses me (does Blizzard also attend the same high school as Gwen?). The "off hand comment" also confuses me a bit as it feels a bit out of place. But again this could have been addressed in the previous part haha.

Jess didn't laugh all that much, and as I turned forward just as she got the car moving, she held a rather conspicuous grin. "Hey, send that to me?"

I couldn't help it. I face-palmed, trying very hard not to let my inner sanity crack under the pressure of my two best friends ogling my body.


THIS IS HILARIOUS, I love it. Secret identities of superheroes are so fun to work with and her friends seemingly being pretty into superheroes themselves is great.

I made a cutting motion with my hand towards Jess, and she understood immediately. We both simultaneously pulled the lever on our seats and leaned backwards. Carla stopped her motormouth speech and made a sound that was fairly appropriate for someone of her size, all the while dropping her phone. I snatched it up and quickly drained and recharged it while making a show of hanging up.


This scene confused me a bit! Jess seems like a good friend, although it does seem kinda weird that she wouldn't show any confusion about why Gwen would be so adamant that Carla stops speaking. Also, did they just like, lean their carseats back on her xD? I like it, although it does seem like a weird way to get her to drop her phone haha.

Overall, this was very enjoyable to read! A lot of the information that was given about the world and characters felt very very natural and was written in ... hmm, not exactly sneakily, but it was smoothly incorporated without pulling the focus away from what was happening.

Happy RevMo!
Peace,
~EternalRain






Thanks for the review! The fact that you caught onto what's happening in the chapter was unexpected, so I'm glad you can understand it! That makes me feel better about this particular chapter's writing. What you're confused by in the first quotation is explained by what happens in 1.1, so that's natural for you to question.

For the second quotation, I'm glad you thought it was funny! I felt like I was toeing a line between a parody-like humor and repetitive sexulization, with the situation on Gwen's costume, (and female superhero costumes in general) but that might've been me replaying the scene in my head over and over.

For the third quotation... yeah, that sort of spawned all on it's own. I couldn't think up another way for the scene to continue, so I just kept it in after making sure it moved the chapter along smoothly.



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Tue Aug 25, 2020 11:00 pm
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Vita wrote a review...



Hi! Vita here with a review!
This chapter again has really excellent world building. You've clearly put a lot of thought into what our world would look like with superheroes into it, and it pays off in a really interesting story. You also reveal information about this world in a really smart way, between Gwen's gossipy friends and the radio show.
This chapter also reveals a bit more about the characters of the show, though I still wish we had learned more earlier.
The pacing also feels a bit inconsistent from one chapter to the next. However, since this is your first draft, I'd say its more important to get all your action and ideas on paper now and worry about that when you go back and edit.
A few grammar and wording things:
"It was pleasant, knowing how much they cared." Not sure pleasant is the right word here. I don't know why, it just felt a bit off. Maybe try touching?
"The three of us were soon caught up in the flash mob." A flash mob is that thing where people assemble in public and do a dance routine unexpectedly. Unless this story is a musical, or these girls go to a high school for the performing arts, I don't think thats the right word. XD
Overall, this another really interesting and engaging chapter, and I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep writing!






hiya! sorry it took a while to reply, i'm not very good at keeping to schedules or deadlines. i want to thank you for the, well, review, and know that those mismanaged words will be fixed lickety-split!. (hopefully.) also, i had no real idea what a flash mob was when i wrote this, i was thinking about how flash floods worked and how they came unexpectedly, and that sort of merged together with what a flash mob might be. you think someone ever confused a flash flood with dancing water, knowing what a flash mob was?




The simple truth is that authors like making people squirm. If this weren't the case, all novels would be filled completely with cute bunnies having birthday parties.
— Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians