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Wildflower

by oceans


Petals of thoughts surround
my head, protecting the
seeds of a universe.

In my mind, I'm
a wildflower.

I grow where nature places
me, point where the wind
takes me, wilt when the
world weighs me down. 

In the ground,
I begin
In the ground,
I end
Until I bloom again.


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38 Reviews


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Fri Aug 07, 2020 8:12 pm
Vilnius wrote a review...



Hey there, oceans! It's Vilnius with a review.

First off, I really liked this poem. It was really good at describing the life of a flower.

Second off, I like the idea of a person being like a flower. It reminds me of the words "from ashes to ashes, and from dust to dust," something you've likely heard if you've ever gone to a funeral.

Third off, there's nothing really bad about the poem, per se, but I do think that it is a little bit awkward when reading it. To me, it was less awkward when the first and second stanza were exchanged.

Have a nice [*insert time of day*]!




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Wed Aug 05, 2020 2:50 am
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I love this! Your words are very interesting and the way you play with it. Each line of what being said has it's unique meaning, it expresses what you feel as a wild flower (based on my understanding, correct me if I'm wrong.




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Wed Aug 05, 2020 2:34 am
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Morrigan wrote a review...



Hi, Oceans! We meet again!

I am blown away at the improvement in the line breaks between this and the first poem you posted on YWS. This is so much more pleasant to read, and it's a lovely poem, to boot.

That being said, there's always room for improvement.

my head, protecting the
seeds of a universe.

Ending a line on an article can weaken the line. It's a little jarring to read. I recommend tacking "the" onto the beginning of the next line, instead of having the poor thing dangle off a cliff. There's another place in which you break the line on "the," as well. I'll let you look for that one.

In my mind, I'm
a wildflower.

I feel like this could be more direct. I don't really know what the inside of your mind looks like, and while you describe your whole being as a wildflower, perhaps try comparing your mind to the wildflower instead. And make it a metaphor, nice and direct! Something like
My mind
is a wildflower.

This goes for your initial stanza as well, though I don't have as direct a solution for that.
Petals of thoughts

That phrase reads strangely to me, or rather, I think I don't like the way that an abstract concept takes a physical concept into the realm of the abstract. I'm not sure if that made sense. There's nothing wrong with abstractness, but you have great imagery, and you should trust the reader a little bit more than explaining everything to them. To be honest, I think it's enough for you to remove "of thoughts" and leave it as petals. And maybe add a little descriptor for them, as well. Are they soft? Yellow? Red? Are they from spring or summer? It's the little details that you can use as symbols to further illustrate that these petals are thought petals.

Let's talk about verbs. A strong verb can add description as much as a good noun or adjective. You have some good ones, and you don't use the same one twice, which is great! But I think you can come up with more illustrative verbs.
Before we begin, I particularly like your use of "wilt." It seems like a small thing, but you carry the image of the flower without describing yourself directly as a flower in that line, or the following line. That's what I'm talking about.

I grow where nature places
me, point where the wind

You can make both of the verbs in these lines stronger. In fact, I read it wrong the first time because my mind wanted you to write "plants" instead of places so badly. You don't have to use "plants" if you don't want to. There are other words out there that are more specific than "places" out there. I might write "sows" instead of "places" there.
"Point" is another one you can change to provide more specifically plant-based imagery. Seeds can drift on the wind, and I suppose they could sail, too.

...where the wind
takes me,

...when the
world weighs me down.

These are cliches, and while the imagery works here, I thought I would warn you about it. You are smart enough to find something that isn't as cliche that still works in the poem.
You could argue that it's an idiom. To be honest, I feel that there isn't much of a difference.

Your punctuation in the last stanza is interesting since you create a cyclical feeling with the lines here. Nice job. Don't listen to anyone who wants you to change the punctuation there (or do. You're the poet).

Altogether, I enjoyed reading this. I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy writing!




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Sun Aug 02, 2020 3:59 pm
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neptune wrote a review...



Hello oceans! Lovely poem you have here (and I love your username :) )! I haven’t reviewed in a while, so apologies if this is a little rusty/feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.

I really like your strong wildflower imagery—you clearly stuck to the metaphor and continued it throughout the entire poem, which makes for a stronger piece in general. My favorite part would have to be the first stanza; but I also love “wilt when the world weighs me down.” There’s some alliteration going on there, which I always love. c:

I think that the last stanza could use some work though. It’s a little vague, and it feels like you’re trying to conclude the poem but it’s not fully cohesive with the rest of the piece. I like the idea of “until I bloom again,” except I think the other lines could be rewritten somehow to really flesh out the imagery that you have going on earlier—and expand on it. It might be nice connecting back to seeds/wilting, rather than simply saying “I begin” and “I end.” As the last stanza of the poem, I think it could be a litttle more powerful.

It almost seems to me like the order of the poem could be reworked? In the second stanza, the speaker is explicitly saying “I’m a wildflower” which kind of cuts off the first and third stanzas, which describe wildflower-like aspects and imagery. It might make more sense to have it be at the beginning of the poem, in order to segway into the meat of the imagery. So the start of the poem would be “In my mind, I’m / a wildflower” to kick off the metaphor for the remaining stanzas. This will keep the flow and connection of the other stanzas that go into detail about being a wildflower. Just an idea! :)

Thanks for sharing your poem! Overall, I enjoyed the rich flower imagery! Hopefully this review is helpful and let me know if you have any questions!




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Sun Aug 02, 2020 2:36 pm
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starlitmind says...



Ooh, this is very pretty! <3 I love your last stanza particularly




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Sun Aug 02, 2020 10:08 am
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Hi there <3 I'm 4revgreen and this is my first review in months so forgive me if it's not exactly the feedback you're looking for!

i thought this poem was beautiful. Nature is a hard concept to do well in poetry because it can be such a cliche but you avoided the completely in my opinion and have written a very thought provoking, person and beautiful poem.

I do think that the first and second stanza's should be swapped, because then the first stanza has 2 lines, and the second has 3, the third has 4 and the fourth has 5. That was it's echoing the theme of a flower growing, but is the opposite of what you are really talking about, which is going back down to the ground until you grow again. I hope that makes sense.

That was really my only criticism,

keep writing!
-4revgreen :-)




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Sun Aug 02, 2020 5:49 am
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cosmic_jazzy says...



I am blown away by your poem, I don't know how to begin. I can feel your emotions, this is why I love your work. Please teach me your ways.





The snow leopard is absolutely magnificent. It represents really what endangered species are all about.
— Jack Hanna