Footballs, Lip gloss, and Butterflies

Alanna

He is pretty. From far away, I can tell that he knows he is. He looks confident when he speaks. He looks at the boy holding a football like they are lifelong buds. But they aren't. They just met today. They yell and holler at each other, begging to have the football passed. I watch them from afar, sketchbook in hand, and start to sketch him. His movements, his fluffy, wind-tousled hair, the way his Vans high tops look as he runs, stumbling and dropping the ball, laughing at his mistake instead of cursing it. I tilt my head and try to look scrutinizing instead of infatuated. Boys are boys, after all, and if a girl shows that she's interested, they are sure to treat it like a joke. I watch him throw the football in a precise arc and I almost smile myself when an ecstatic, proud grin lights his face as his new friend catches it. He whoops and jogs over to give the other boy a congratulatory thump on the back, as boys do. I can't even bring myself to wrinkle my nose at it like I normally do when my brother does it. There's something different in the way he does it, a sense of connection, pride, and vulnerability somehow tucked into the same motion my boarish brother uses to convey his popularity. 

The boy's new friend throws the ball with a wobbly spiral. The ball soars going off course, landing in front of me. I stare at the ball and as the two boys rush over pushing each other, I stare at them.

"It's fine. It's not like it hit me or anything," I reply, glancing back at my sketchbook, and I notice his eyes following mine.

"Did you draw that?" His eyes widen so much that I can see the reddish-pink veins in the whites.

"Yeah, it's supposed to be you, but I messed up," I say, pointing to the shoes in the drawing.

"No way, that's awesome! I can't even draw a fucking dog," the other boy exclaims. This makes me cringe. I just don’t understand why guys think cursing makes them sound cool. In all seriousness, it makes me want to curl into a ball and hide. 

"Sorry, I should have introduced myself," the pretty boy says like a gentleman, making me admire him even more. "I'm Neo. Don't wear it out." He plays with his tousled hair as he says the line with a crooked grin that makes me think he's said it many times, and I notice the studded nose ring on the left side of his perfectly shaped nose.

"I'm Alanna. I guess you shouldn't wear mine out either," I reply, trying to keep my expression neutral. Surprise flashes in his eyes, but the grin he wears becomes more genuine at my response. He picks the ball up from in front of my feet. 

"Can you throw?" He asks, gesturing to the ball. I used to play football with the boys when I was in fourth grade. I was the tomboy of the class and was always the one who did stuff to impress the boys. Now, I'm not like that. I don't have the guts to talk to boys anymore. I understand the pain my brother's girlfriend felt when he cheated on her. I don't want to feel that because I know that heartbreak is very, very real and very, very painful. 

I shrug, trying to shake away the uneasiness in my gut. "I guess I can. Not that well, though. And I definitely don't play." 

The other boy snorts, but Neo ignores him. Affection swells in my heart for Neo at ignoring the immaturity of his friend. "Sure you do," Neo says. "If you can throw, you can play."

"Not necessarily," the other boy cuts in, and Neo turns his attention to him, rolling his eyes. 

Neo lightly tosses the ball into the air as I stand up. "Dude, shut up. You sound like Jimmy Neutron," he smiles. "Here." 

I brush a thumb over the leather ball, remembering flashes of sunlight and giggled screams of my name during recess. Confidence bubbles in my chest, and I nod, smiling slightly as I look up and make eye contact with Neo. He's tall. Like really, really tall. Height was something I didn't really care about but now my heart swells so much more it might explode.

"I don't know if I want to," I mutter, his friend grins, puffs out his chest, and smirks.

"I'll do it," His friend retorts, trying to take the ball from me. Neo clears his throat as his ignorant friend tries to take the ball. His friend backs off and stands quietly.

"Alanna," he says, looking down at me. He's so tall, I can look up and see how long his eyelashes are. "You got this. Don't worry about your surroundings or what Max is saying. Just throw the ball." Neo takes off towards a large oak tree waving his pale arms in the air signaling me to throw. I turn to my side, aligning my core and letting muscle memory take over as I grip the ball the same way I did as a 9-year-old, and throw the ball. 

The football flies in a perfect spiral right into Neo's awaiting hands. 

Neo grins widely, and I grin back instinctually. He jogs over to me, football tucked under his arm, and claps my hand loudly in congratulations like I've seen my brother do so many times. "That was incredible, Alanna!"

His friend, Max, looks like he just ate a lemon. "That's nothing. Any of us could do that. Throwing while running and actually playing the game- now that's what proves if she's really "incredible". Besides, you're just trying to make her feel good because she's pretty." He says, and Neo looks at him incredulously, his grip on the ball slackening. Max reaches out and deftly grabs it, spinning it between his fingers while glaring at Neo, who looks exasperated and annoyed. 

"Max... just leave it alone. I just met him today and I think Neo is really nice," I exclaim, staring at Max. "I have the faintest doubt that Neo thinks I'm pretty. Maybe you think I'm pretty." 

Neo grins as Max sputters, the douchebag's cheeks dusting pink. 

"I do not, dude!" Max protests, and I roll my eyes. 

"Cool. And I'd love to believe you, but the way you're talking right now is giving failed Gilbert Blythe." I say drily, holding my hand out for the ball. "How about we throw and catch for a few rounds, you from the tree and me from here, and then we transition to throwing and catching the ball while running?" 

Of course, Max looks furious. 

"Just go along with it, dude," Neo says, the most annoyed I've ever seen him. 

"Fine," Max grumbles glaring at me before taking off. I throw the ball in a perfect spiral that hits Max square in the face. Max falls to the ground holding his face. Neo and I jog over to check it out. 

"Damn..." Neo mutters. "You made his nose bleed." I don't know if I want to say sorry to Max. I look at Max while crimson blood flows and flows from his nostrils. Neo smiles at me. "He deserved it." From that day forward I knew Neo was my friend. My best friend.

* * *

3 years later...

Neo

"Here," Alanna hands me a cheap-smelling drink that has been poured into a red plastic cup. "Max mixed it with some Coca-Cola."

"Gross. He could have done Dr. Pepper or something," I grimace sniffing the drink.

"I know, I know. He's pretty hammered so I'm gonna have to be the D.D.," Alanna claims, using her index finger to smooth out the lip gloss on her lips. 

I roll my eyes, smiling despite myself. "Dude, I could drive."

"No, you're staying here with your... not-girlfriend," Alanna says, rolling her eyes back at me. 

"She's not my girlfriend," I say emphatically. 

"I know," Alanna says. "That's why I said "not-girlfriend"." 

I almost groaned and started pummeling the ground in frustration. "Alanna-"

"Alaaaannaaaa-" Max slurs, coming up behind Alanna and wrapping his arms around her neck, a drink dangling from one of his hands. "Where have you been?" 

Alanna wrinkles her nose, likely at both his behavior and the terrible smell of his breath. Even I cough from the stench a few feet away. "Away. Come on, party boy, let's get you home."

I swallow nervously, watching Max start to whine. "Alanna, can I-" I begin to ask her if I can talk to her alone, but, being my best friend, she sees the look I give her and understands before I even start talking. She interrupts me with a nod. 

"Max, can you go and make sure you didn't leave anything?" she suggests. 

Max narrows his eyes and says, "Right-o," before staggering off drunkenly. 

"God, I'm worried about him," Alanna sighs, closing her eyes and rubbing the space between her eyebrows with her thumb, index, and middle finger. "Okay, what is it?"

I run my tongue over my bottom lip, thinking. "I'm worried about you being alone in the car with him."

Alanna rolls her eyes, and I grimace. "He's harmless, Neo."

"No, he's under the influence and might try something with you, and I don't know if we can trust him to make good decisions right now."

She looks at me exasperatedly, and I have to fight myself not to take her by the shoulders and start telling her all the reasons why she shouldn't take him home alone. "Neo, you can just stay here with Bella."

"Bella's not a big deal." The confession bursts from my mouth before I even realize my mind formatted it. I run a hand through my hair to end my frustration and inhale deeply through my nose to calm down. "I can go with you. Please let me go with you."

"I couldn't find anything, 'Lanna," Max whines as he stomps back over to us, resting his chin on Alanna's shoulder. Alanna purses her lips and I close my eyes and sigh in annoyance. I can't look at his face right now, especially when he's draping himself all over Alanna like that, pouting childishly, and calling her by the nickname she has profusely reminded him it's only okay for her brother to use. 

"That's fine. Let's get to my car." Alanna levels a stern, pointed look at me behind Max's back as he gleefully flies out the door. 

Once Max's figure vanishes into the night air, I take a step closer to Alanna, staring deep into her eyes so she'll see how much I mean it. I start to get dizzy after looking into the deep brown depths for so long, and I swallow to break myself out of the reverie. "I'm going with you-"

"For God's sake, Neo, just stay here with your not-girlfriend!" Alanna says, brown eyes turning annoyed. 

I shut my mouth. I don't want to. I consider telling her she looks beautiful tonight and right now, even though I hate it when she's angry at me. I consider leaning forward and capturing her mouth with mine, tangling my fingers in her long black hair. Instead, I keep it platonic. I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and lean down to kiss her cheek, pulling her into a soft hug. "Be careful, Alanna," I murmur against her skin. I can't help the small amount of desperate, not-at-all-platonic love creep into my voice, and I feel her shiver in my arms. I move to step back nervously, but her arms tighten around me as she hugs me back.

"I will," she mumbles against my hoodie. "Don't worry."

But the second she leaves, all I can do is worry.

* * *

Alanna

I try to find a way to breathe normally when I get into my car. Max is babbling from the passenger seat, and I can't help but tune him out as I hold a palm to my temple to try and get the dizziness to go away. 

God. 

Neo. 

He's gonna be the death of me, I swear. 

"You know, Alanna, I never really cared," Max says sharply, and that gets my attention. 

"Huh?" 

"I never really cared that you and Neo have that super-special, fizzling little chemistry and that you like him more than me."

My jaw drops, and I whip my head toward him. "What?" 

He's staring at me intensely, no longer fiddling with his seatbelt like he had been when he first sat down. "I don't care because you're pretty and you're interesting and you're mine, 'Lanna."

I blink at him, then the rage sets in. "Max, you can't-"

But I'm cut off by a pair of lips on mine. 

I think I might've blacked out for a moment. 

Max is kissing me. I don't know how to stop him without hurting him. 

Neo's face flashes in my mind's eye, and I break away from Max with a gasp, placing a hand on his chest to shove him away from me and keep him away from me. Then, I slap him across the face. My hand stings, but it's nothing compared to the anger burning in my heart, stifling my mind with flames. "Max!" I say furiously. "That's not okay! I don't like you like that, and you know it! I know you're drunk, so I'm going to give you a pass, but-" I interrupt myself to shove him further away from me as my anger floods through me, giving me a burst of energy, "-what the hell!" I hate using profanities, but it feels right to use it at this moment, to make sure he gets the message- that I don't want him and that I'm not his. 

"But, I kissed you, you're supposed to like it-" Max starts to say angrily, but I cut him off. 

I feel like flames are boiling in my gut and erupting from my mouth like a dragon spitting fire. "I didn't like it, Max, because I don't like you like that, and you know it, you literally just said it! A woman's world isn't going to revolve around you just because she's a woman and you like her and you expect her to like you back." 

I turn to face my windshield and sigh frustratedly, a hot huff of breath as my hands grip the steering wheel and nearly make my knuckles poke out of my skin. Then I look at Max, who is staring at me with wide, despairing eyes like his entire world has come crashing down. 

I sigh again, this time to calm down. "Max," I say, gentler this time, "you can't just kiss someone without their consent, especially if you know that they don't like you like that. I'm not going to beat you while you're down, but one of the reasons why I don't like you like that is because you're immature and can be pretty mean. Heck, you were really rude to me when we first met. So, for future reference and not for me, you might want to work on that." 

He's silent, watching me. Then, he groans and puts his head in his hands. "God, I'm so sorry, Alanna. I've been such an asshole. Not just to you, but to a lot of people. Can we still be friends? Can you help me be a better person?" 

And he looks so pleading and sincere while he says it that I can't help but joke around a bit. "Okay, so first off, we are not doing the whole good-girl-fixes-bad-boy thing or the girl-is-only-friends-with-boy-to-fix-him thing. But otherwise, sure. As long as you aren't just saying this in a drunken stupor and you'll forget by morning. That was strike one, bucko. And in this game, you're out at two."

Max nods in understanding, his eyes wide with fear. "I get it." 

"Good. So you're going to stop being an asshole and I can drive you home?" I ask with a raise of my brow.

"Yes. Yes, please." He corrects himself, and I smile, huffing a laugh despite myself. What a confused little jerk. 

"Okay." I start the engine and we start moving. 

We're quiet the whole way to his house. I park my car in front of his house, and he looks at me. I look at him. "Please don't hate me," he begs me after a moment. 

"Don't give me another reason to," I say. 

He visibly wilts, his shoulders sinking. 

My heart softens in sympathy and when I speak, my voice is gentle. "Hey. I'll drive you to school tomorrow, okay? And back home. We can talk in the car, see if you remember and understand all of this while you're still sober." 

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Thank you, 'Lanna."

I grimace. "You might want to start with calling me "Alanna" instead of "Lanna", because I've told you many times that only my brother can call me that, and you've just ignored it, which is a dick move."

Max winces. "Yeah, that is a dick move. I'm sorry." 

"I accept your apology. Now get into your house and go to sleep." 

Neo

I choke down the drink Max mixed. It's bitter and strong enough to kill your liver in two seconds. The R&B music is blasting, which makes my head spin even more than it is. I'm not drunk, but I'm not sober. Alanna hates when I get drunk, so I stick to three drinks a party. I walk around towards the living room area where the true party is located. 

I see Bella. 

Wait, not just Bella. It's Bella and another guy. I don't like Bella, but damn. The guy kisses her softly and passionately while holding her hips to keep her close. My throat tightens and my chest burns. 

What I would give to give that kind of kiss to Alanna. God, I hope she's okay. If Max did anything to my Alanna, he's gonna fucking suffer. I sigh and rub my face. I walk towards the door like I should have when Max and Alanna left. 

I can't get Alanna out of my head. I remember how pretty she looked at her quinceañera. How her dress flowed around her body. I also remember how her mom said she always thought we would be a couple by now. I step outside and unlock my car. I wish I could kiss Alanna or at least tell her how I feel. The way she makes my chest pound when she speaks. The way she smooths out the lip gloss on her lips when she's nervous or scared to do something. I hop in my car and fire up the engine. The car hums and I blink twice to make sure I'm seeing right. Yep, he's spinning under the lamplight. I bark out a laugh and grin because I know Max is coming to school absolutely hungover tomorrow.

* * *

I pull on a pair of pajama pants and plop on my bed. I try to sleep, but my mind wanders. I think of Alanna as a bright star. She infects my dreams like the flu infects a toddler. I need to tell her.

Alanna

Max's house is fancier than I imagined it would be. It suits him; rich and snobby all over. I'm wearing the jacket I stole from Neo at my quinceañera when I was cold and the wind nearly blew us over. Neo wrapped the coat around me and kissed the top of my head with his soft lips. He stood in his dress shirt which was translucent and tight against his body. His black hair was a mess and his eyebags were more purple than usual which made him even more handsome than he already was. 

I shake the memory and watch Max open the car door. Max is clutching a green apple Gatorade and some type of hangover powder in a small white packet. His brown eyes look heavy and exhausted. 

"Hey," Max says pulling himself into the passenger seat, "about last night... I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. You didn't deserve that what-so-ever. I just really like you and..."

"Max stop," I put my left hand up to pause his speech and put both hands on my steering wheel again gripping it like I had last night. "It's okay, but let me explain something to you. I know you love me, but I don't love you back. You need to change how you act. Okay, say a girl likes you and you start disrespecting her, how do you think she'd feel? How do you think she feels when you break her down into a million worthless pieces just for her to pick them back up all by herself?"

"I- I don't know because I'm not a girl," Max notices how much of a douchebag that made him sound and fumbled for words to fix his common mistake. "Honestly, I'd be upset because I'd hate if a girl did something like that to me."

"You see how easy that is?! Just think about how you would feel before you say it."

Max grins and chugs down his Gatorade while I gag at the smell. Max has the potential to be a good person, he just doesn't try. I shake my head and sigh. That's why he has me, I guess. 

Neo

I stand in the parking lot shaking hands with Coach Reiner. His bald head is a bit too shiny, reflecting light straight into my eyes. He goes in for a hug and pats my back as he does so. He's like a dad to me. He basically took up the title when my real dad got locked up. When I was little, he used to take me to hockey and football games. Gotta admire a man with that much dedication to a kid that isn't even his.

I'm waiting for Alanna so I can know what happens. I bet she got pissed at Max and made him sit in the backseat. That's how Alanna is; pretty and easily irritable. I like that about her. 

I glance to the side and see a girl with light pink hair and an oversized Radiohead hoodie leaning on a car and smoking a cigarette. I remember seeing her at the party dancing with a dude with sandy brown hair, but I can't remember her name for the life of me. She glances over at me, and something in her expression shifts. She puts out her cigarette and starts walking over, her boots clomping against the smooth pavement. She waves at me with fluttering fingers and continues to approach me when I nod in acknowledgment, my mind whirring as I try to remember who she is. "You're Neo, right?" She asks, threading her fingers through her cotton candy cloud of hair.

Her apple and marshmallow-scented perfume is overpowering, and I try my hardest to be polite and not cough at the stench despite my eyes watering from the odor. "Yeah. Is there something wrong?" I ask, calm and collected despite the thoughts of Max being alone with Alanna flooding my mind.

"You're Alanna Marsala's best friend right?" 

"Yeah since we were 13," I slowly start to frown. "Why? Did something happen?" This is where Cotton Candy Girl notices the concern in my voice and starts crumbling under pressure

"I'm Bea Wiggins. I... I was at the party last night. I'd had enough of inside and went outside to share a smoke with my sister. Alanna and this guy, Max, came outside, and he was really hanging onto her waist. I don't know if he was copping a feel or what, but whatever it was, Alanna obviously didn't like it. She looked super uncomfortable standing there with him. They got into the car and sat for a while and we heard a kinda muffled scream from the car. Naturally, my sister and I ran over and peered in the car to make sure everything was okay. We saw the dude kissing her forcefully. She was trying to push him off, but he was almost superglued there. If it was Max, I know that would have sucked, because I've seen him at the gym, and that guy can bench, like, 230 pounds, and he was being pretty forceful. I'm pretty sure he didn't even ask her for a kiss, he just did it." The words seem to spill from her mouth like a waterfall. Her eyes are wide, glassy, and nervous. "I was scared, and I've been worried that I should have done something, but I've known Alanna through a few friend groups for a year now, so I know how she is."

"Wait, Max kissed Alanna?!" I raise my voice a little too much that even she notices. "Without her consent?!"

"Yeah, like I said," she says, nervously taking out a pack of cigarettes. 

My eyes blaze with fury, and I run a hand through my hair, exhaling harshly. When I realize she's still standing there and looking at me nervously like I'm a ticking time bomb, my eyes dart up to her and I try to dismiss her kindly. "Thanks for telling me," I say, smiling rigidly.

Her fear seems to diminish at that, and she nods and lights a cigarette flightily, sticking the stub between her lips and taking a long drag as she puts the cigarette pack away with practiced fingers. "No problem," she mutters after she exhales the smoke (very kindly being aware and exhaling away from me). "I guess I can tell my sister I did something about it." 

My body tenses, and my eyes narrow. "How many people did you tell about this?" I say in a low, almost threatening voice.

Her eyes widen again, and her shoulders tense as she raises a hand complacently. "Just you! And my sister was there, so she obviously knows about it, but we're the only people who know."

I nod slowly, accepting this. "Alright. Excuse me, I need to find Max."

She blinks and gives me a two-fingered salute. "Good luck. I know you're a football player, but Max still isn't someone to fight and win against."

"He's practically a twig. Whenever we wrestle, I win. He's nothing against me, though I appreciate your concern." I say with a small roll of my eyes. 

She purses her lips and rolls her eyes back at me. "Well, go get him, then."

I turn away from her and start walking, ignoring the smoke rings she starts puffing. I need to find Max and make him regret what he did to Alanna. 

* * *

Alanna

Max isn't been too much of a jerk right now. We talked and joked on the drive to school, and whenever he said anything remotely jerk-like, I just gave him a look and he hastily fixed it. We've been in the parking lot for five minutes because we actually arrived ten minutes early (I know, I was impressed too), and were just chatting to pass the time.

I say something particularly funny, and Max gives me a longing look, which I squirm uncomfortably at. "Sorry. I guess it's just going to take some time for me to stop being in love with you."

I hold my pointer finger up and waggle it a bit. "Better, but how about we just not be in love with me?"

He laughs and nods. "Believe me, I'm trying."

I nod back, smiling slightly. "And you're doing such a great job." 

He pauses, then hesitantly asks, "Can I hug you?"

I blink. Well, that came out of nowhere. I think about it. "Well, you've been doing better, and I'm counting that as an improvement, so sure. Just don't be weird about it, okay?"

He grinned. "Okay."

Max spreads his arms out and leans across the console, but the car door wrenches open in a flash and before I know it, Max is being dragged out of my passenger seat. 

I gasp and a terrified yelp leaves my throat as I frantically unbuckle my seatbelt and fumble with the door handle, getting out of the car clumsily. What I see blows my mind. 

Neo is pressing Max against my car, holding him by his collar and growling in his face, "You don't touch her, you prick."

"I got her permission!" Max sputters. 

"Liar!" Neo snarls, grip tightening on Max's shirt and almost choking him. 

"Oh my God, Neo, let him go!" I cry out, running a hand over my mouth in a fearful sort of panic. 

"He practically manhandled you last night, Alanna, and he kissed you without your consent. And now the damn bastard is trying to put his hands all over you again when he should've learned his lesson!"

"He made a mistake last night and he learned his lesson, Neo! He's getting better, and I said yes to the hug just now."

"Alanna. He could have fucking hurt you, now it's okay?!"

"Neo, we talked about it and it was a huge mistake, but that hug means nothing! Zip, nada, zero!" Max says still lying on the ground.

"Neo, please let's just get in the building and forget about this okay?" I say moving forward and resting my head on his chest. He wraps his left arm around me and gives me a quick hug. I pull away, smoothing out the lip gloss on my lips and Neo turns a pale pink. "Alright, Max you get up," Neo's gaze pierces into Max's chest, making Max shiver. I've never seen Neo like this and I'm not sure if I want to ever again.

Neo

Alanna and Max haven't talked to me at all today. Alanna shot me some pretty threatening glances, pointedly saying with her eyes that we need to talk after school. Max is getting a lot of attention because of his black eye and Alanna by his side. Alanna is kind of like a social pollinator. She flies from her hive, drifting from person to person, and there isn't one person who can hate her. Or at least I think so. 

* * *

It's around lunchtime now and Max and Alanna are giggling in the cafeteria. She gives him playful punches whenever he looks at her for too long. I can't help but look at her longingly. I need to tell her. If I don't, I could lose her because there are plenty of guys who would be happy to have her and none of those guys are me, and if she ends up with someone who's not me, I don't know what I'll do. 

Alanna walks in with her purse at her side, clutching it forcefully. Max is laughing about something and holding her makeup bag while a guy gives him a quick high five and Alanna a quick smile. Alanna glances over at me and then points, but Max isn't having it. He's puffing out his bottom lip and making puppy dog eyes. Alanna pulls him over and she walks toward me, her pink and white Nikes clicking against the linoleum floors. Alanna plops down next to me and Max sits across from the two of us.

I let out a small moan because damn, Alanna smells amazing. She always does, but it isn't the same smell as usual. "Did you get a new perfume?" I ask, grinning at her. She smiles back and Max passes her makeup bag over. He's shaking his leg under the table (which he always does when he's nervous).

"Yeah, does it smell bad?" Alanna asks, smoothing out that damn lip gloss. I can't help but stare at her. She playful wipes it on my shirt, and the touch of her nail makes me shiver. "I think that it smells like this outfit."

"How does it smell like your outfit?" I laugh, which makes Max laugh. 

"It just does, Neo," Alanna shrugs. "I feel like the coconut matches the vibe of my clothes."

I shake my head fondly, chuckling at her silly thoughts as I rip open a bag of M&M's. "What, so you'll just switch the perfumes around?"

Alanna gives me a dry look. "What do you think, genius?"

"Yes?" I guess. 

Alanna makes the wrong buzzer noise, laughing softly. "No, I'm sticking with this one," she says, holding a hand out for a few M&M's, and I give her 2 of each color like she's told me she wants ever since we first became friends. 

From across the room, I see Bea looming around staring at our table. She moves closer slowly while letting out a few tiny, not-at-all-discreet coughs. What the fuck did you do? Her eyes ask, and I purse my lips and shake my head subtly. Later. My eyes say back. We can have this conversation later. 

Alanna is frowning at my bag of M&M's. "How much of the bag did you give me?"

"Uh, the same amount as usual," I say, my eyes flicking to Max, who is tearing into his PB&J. 

Bea finally inches her way to the table next to Alanna, who tries to hide the way her nose scrunches at the overpowering smell of her perfume. "Hey, Bea! What's up?" Alanna asks with a friendly smile. 

Bea flicks her eyes to me and I can literally see the idea spark in her eyes. "Nothing much. I heard about what happened this morning and wanted to see if everyone was okay..." She pauses and looks at the empty seat beside me. "Can I sit here?" She asks, eyes gleaming. 

I shrug, but give her a small smile, "Sure."

She grins and sits down, leaning in to whisper in my ear, "I'm gonna pretend to have a crush on you to make Alanna get out of her anger for you, okay?"

My eyebrows scrunch up and I turn back to whisper into her ear, "That's not going to do anything, stupid."

"It will. I'm not telling you much else, but it will." Bea finishes talking directly to me and leans away, her lips molding into a shy smile as she inches closer to me. "I also heard you were the one who got in the first punch," she purrs, her eyes flicking to my lips and then back up to my eyes playfully. "And that you didn't even let poor Max fight back."

My eyes say, Wow, great acting, and I let my eyebrows flick up slightly in surprise. "Well, they've got most of that very wrong. There was no punching. Just some rough handling. And it was on me." My gaze flicks to Alanna instinctually. Her eyes are wide and fearful, and her mouth is parted in shock

"Well, whatever it was, I heard it was amazing," Bea rests her hands under her chin. "I would've loved to have seen it."

"It wasn't too bad of a fight, I guess," I pop a few M&Ms into my mouth and put up my pointer finger to signal that I need a minute. "Alanna stopped it though." I blink at Bea, noticing that she suddenly gave up the act, her eyes catching on someone or something behind Alanna and her entire face tightening almost imperceptibly.

"I guess I should go. Nice talking to y'all." She slides out of the seat and gives us all a crooked farewell grin before clomping over to the open doors of the cafeteria leading out to the side doors of the school. 

Alanna gives me a tight smile, leaning her folded arms on the edge of the table. "Well, that was interesting. Looks like Bea's got a crush on you." Her face is frozen in a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. 

I smile back, but my heart isn't in it. "Yeah, I guess," I say, and I make a mental note to ask Bea what the hell just happened. 

"Nobody's been fawning over me since the fight," Max grumbles, frowning. 

"Have you considered the fact that nobody cares?" Alanna snaps, pushing her chair backward and storming out. 

What did I do?

Alanna

I'm trying too hard for Neo's attention and it sucks. I wear my makeup, I straighten my hair, and hell, I dropped my accent so he would look at me. I want to hate him for it; for not paying attention. Hating him would be the easiest solution if I ever manage to make myself do it...

***

Max waves at me from his friend's car. I think his name is Lucien or something. It's that sandy-haired boy that Bea swoons- well swooned for. I remember seeing them all friendly at the party before I left, but now she's all over Neo... My chest tightens and I take a deep breath, pushing those thoughts from my mind.

I lean against my car, waiting for Neo. I'm telling him today. After years of pining from the shadows, I'll let my love see the light. I see him from afar and lock eyes with him. He awkwardly jogs across the street, waving goodbye to his football coach/makeshift dad. "Alanna!" He calls out, waving and finally stopping in front of me. Face-to-face, eye-to-eye, mouth-for-mouth. And dios, that mouth... His gorgeous, tempting mouth starts moving, and my eyes snap up to meet his. "I need to tell you something. Just please hear me out, okay?" He says, shoving his hands into his pockets after stopping himself from reaching out to me.

My stomach flips. "I need to tell you something too. You can go first, though."

"Okay, let's see if I can spit it out," Neo chuckles under his breath. "I love you, Alanna. Not in that platonic way either. I lose my mind every time I look at you. I was always scared to say anything because I knew how Max felt, so I waited, and yeah, it upset me like crazy when he kissed you like that. There's not much more to say than that," Neo says with his perfect crooked smile.

It's too perfect. But I school my expression into neutrality because it's nice to pull his leg and joke around with him. Best friend and boyfriend- boy, this guy sure does know how to be it all. That is, if he wants to be my boyfriend after this...

"Neo, wanna hear something crazy?" I watch his jaw tighten.

"Nothing could be as crazy as that," he chuckles. "Trust me."

"I feel the same. I always have, ever since we first met that day at the park." 

I hear Neo's breath catch in his throat and my heart speeds up nervously. I watch his Adam's apple bob as he swallows, running a hand through his fluffy black hair and tugging slightly on it with his tense, tight hands, looking like he's at war with himself in his mind. "Well, that's just about the one thing you could say that would have caught me off guard. And of course, you said it. Congratulations," he says in a hoarse voice as he looks down at me, his pupils dilating when they land on me. 

A surprised laugh wheezes from my lips, and I can't help the butterflies rioting in my stomach as his gaze flits to my lips and it's like his whole world has narrowed down to them. 

"Alanna?" he whispers, and my chest tightens, the butterflies going even crazier. 

I smooth the gloss on my lips nervously with my thumb, and I swear I see something flash in his eyes. 

"Alanna?" he says again, and his voice is strained like he's trying to keep himself from doing something.

"Yes?" I finally whisper, my hand falling to my side. 

He catches it. "Can I-" he interrupts himself and groans, running a hand through his hair again, his thumb making soothing circles on the skin of my hand in a small nervous tic I've never had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of. "Can I kiss you?" he finally asks, eyes locking on mine and looking desperate. 

My lips part and a disbelieving breath passes them. "I- yes, Neo."

He gingerly cradles the base of my neck with the hand that isn't holding mine and steps closer, tilting my head up as he does. He closes his eyes and leans in, and I close my eyes, letting his lips brush mine in the softest of kisses. The butterflies in my stomach are screaming at me, and I tilt my head up, kissing him like I've kissed his cheek so many times. He kisses back immediately like he's been waiting to do it all his life. 

The butterflies fall silent, turning into something low and sweet and molten as I kiss him. 

Neo

My lips are on hers. I'm kissing her and I never want to stop. Her hand got in my hair somehow and mine is in hers and her other hand is on my chest and my arm is looped around her waist so my other hand holds her hip and God, I don't ever want to stop. 

But, of course, a voice that's even more annoying than Jar Jar Binks and Goofy combined breaks us out of it. 

"Y'all finally got together, huh?" Max says, his voice tight and gruff. 

Alanna breaks away from the kiss and gives him a stare that sends chills down my spine as I instinctively wrap my arms around her waist and tug her close. "Yeah, and you don't get to be upset about it. We've talked about this." Her voice is serious and firm, and I watch as Max's face tenses, and then relaxes. 

He takes a controlled breath and then releases it. "Okay," he says, giving us one last look before his lips quirked up into a crooked grin. "Am I allowed to go spreading this all across the school?"

Alanna laughs and I smile despite myself. That's why I'm friends with this guy despite his continuous butchering of being a nice guy. "Go ahead, dude," I say, pressing a kiss to the top of Alanna's head. 

Max gives me a two-fingered salute, and I snort at the little reminder of Bea in the gesture. "Thanks, captain," he jokes before turning away and jogging back to his friend's car, eager to spread the news. 

Alanna looks at me, and I can see the nervousness shining in her eyes. "So... What are we now?"

I pause, my arms tightening slightly around her. Girlfriend, girlfriend, be my girlfriend- I tell my mind to shut up and hear her out. "Whatever you want us to be," I say, my voice low and smooth, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. 

But, as my best friend for 3 years, she hears the bit of anxiety hidden in my voice and narrows her eyes. "Nuh-uh, you're not getting out of this that easily and pinning this all on me. What do you want to be?"

"I want you to be my girlfriend." The words burst from my lips before I think them over, and my cheeks heat up, flushing with embarrassment. 

Thankfully, Alanna is smiling. "Then that's what I'll be," she murmurs, turning in my embrace so she's hugging my waist too, her face tilted so she's looking up at me. Short girl. My short girl. My chest swells and I grin at her, gently grabbing her chin between my fingers. 

"How did I get so lucky?" I murmur, and she laughs softly, her breath brushing against my fingers. 

"I was going to ask the same thing." Her eyes widen as she realizes how I could interpret that. "I mean, I was about to ask how I got so lucky for you to like me back, to any other really egotistical and conceited way- ay Dios, I'm messing this up so bad-" 

"You're doing great, baby," I say with a soft laugh. 

She blinks, her plump, glossy lips parting, and I realize what I said, my own eyes widening. "Um, is it okay if I call you-?"

"Call me baby again," she breathes, her eyes wide with disbelief like she can't believe I called her that and she needs verbal confirmation that I actually said it. 

My lips tug up into a grin. "Baby," I say, leaning down and brushing my lips against hers in a soft kiss. She leans up into me and kisses me sweetly, pulling away only after oxygen eludes us. "I like that," she says breathily as she rests her head on my chest. "And I like that I get to call you my boyfriend."

I chuckle, resting my cheek atop her silky hair. "Trust me, I like it even more than you."

I can sense her eyes narrow. "Don't belittle me, Neo," she says into my chest, the words muffled by the fabric of my hoodie. 

I laugh. "I'm not belittling you, I just think I'm happier about this than you."

She pulls away from me and gives me a playful punch in the chest, her eyes glittering with amusement. "Looks like I gotta show you my appreciation now. Great move," she says, sarcasm leaking from her words. 

I press a kiss to the top of her head and she melts. "I think the best move was the one I made was playing with Max that day in the park so the ball would go awry and I would be able to talk to you."

Her jaw slacks in shock. "You did that on purpose?" 

I laugh. "Fate works in mysterious ways. Who knows? Maybe it works in footballs, lip gloss, and butterflies. Because you've always given me butterflies."

Alanna rolls her eyes, a sweet smile curling her lips as she tugs me close and gives me a crushing bear hug that I return with a soft smile. "Gracias a Dios por las mariposas."