Hey there! First off, welcome to YWS! If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask! <3
Okay I love this cute little poem. It's so playful, lighthearted, and fun! I love your choice of using rhyme; it really adds to the playfulness of this poem and gives it a nice rhythm. This definitely brought a smile to my face. Now I'm hungry xD I would love to point out my favourite lines
A few towns over, do stop for some sprinkles-
A rainbow lining for when the stars twinkle.
I love how you referred to sprinkles as "rainbow lining" - that's a pretty neat image! Overall, I really, really enjoyed this cute poem c: I do have some things I'd like to mention. Now, these are just suggestions, so if you don't agree, then please feel free to ignore them! I just would like to give you some of my thoughts
So the first thing I'd like to mention is stanzas. Right now, your poem is a large block of text that can look intimidating to some people. Using stanzas would make this easier to read and less intimidating, in my opinion. Here's an article from the Knowledge Base on here about stanzas if you'd like to check it out! There's some cool information here: Stanzas
I'm going to give you one way you could divide this poem in the spoiler below. Of course, this is just one out of the many ways you could divide this poem up! (side not: formatting stanzas on YWS can be a bit tricky, so please feel free to ask if you need some help!)
While reading this poem again when diving your stanzas, I realized how clever and neat your poem is!
Another thing I'd like to mention is your rhyme scheme. It's pretty consistent, but there are some places that you don't stick with it that I'd like to point out.
Welcome to the era of happiness.
You, sir, have missed out on quite some action,
Pure satisfaction, immeasurable attraction.
I think it would be cool if you could rhyme the first line with the next line so the reader knows to expect a rhyme scheme. I was a bit surprised to find out this was going to rhyme since it didn't start out that way.
Meet Milord Cookie and Milady Cream,
With chocolate chips and peanut butter dips.
(I love the names you've given Cookie and Cream haha) Okay so with this, you have an internal rhyme, which is cool! I personally would also make the second line rhyme with the previous one, but since you have an internal rhyme, I could see that might be a bit difficult. I just thought I'd point it out if you want to have something to think about.
And that's it! Like I said, please feel free to disregard anything you don't agree with. Overall, this was such a fun poem. I love your theme and the playfulness of this piece. It was fun, bouncy, and lighthearted, which made for an overall enjoyable read. I hope this helped!
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