Hey looseleaf!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This was an incredible first chapter that immediately makes you want to read more. I loved the way you have introduced us to this world. Your narration was easy to follow and, infused with the occasional humor, it was a pleasure to get acquainted with these characters and their situations.
She was like that. Her own kids would hurriedly spoon oatmeal into their mouths for breakfast while her clients would eat warm, authentic meals.
I loved how the opening paragraph pulls us right into the story and does not waste words on hefty descriptions. Instead, it is simple and witty and it introduces us to the characters in a very natural and simplistic way. Before we even know who these people are we learn things about them and it builds our impression from the get-go. Each sentence is effective and purposeful and conveys the beginnings of a story instead of beating around the bush. In other words, it was a great opening!
Hedvika giggled. It was a sweet but refined noise, one that braved the stock market crash and dad’s death and came out alive. It could change a room full of people’s emotions in the blink of an eye. It was one of the things Eduard would miss most.
Once again, I loved your narration here! It was an effective way to sneak in information in a very casual and easy manner. There are so many things we learn here and in engages our sympathy in different ways. First, it builds our impression of Hedvika as a kind-hearted, intelligent and genuine human being who is clearly very matured and insightful for her age. It also shows us how Eduard views his sister and establishes the easy relationship between them. It gives us a glimpse of the family's history, the troubles and tragedies they have had to face. And finally, it hints at a possible departure since Eduard says he is going to miss his sister's giggle (although, not very sure about the last one as it is not addressed again in this chapter).
There was no point in actually opening the door, seeing as there were large spaces where the windows should be, but Mr. Klement taught him to never touch a shoe to a car’s paint job.
The references to the car were absolutely lost on me but it was the only part of the chapter that felt more like a filler and a little disconnected to me. His technical references could be reflective of his interest in cars and the mentions of his worries of his car being swept away by the wind may suggest his concern over their financial situation. Of course, it could be just a creative decision on your side and I might just be reading behind the lines.
It was a small, craftsman house, much like the others in the neighborhood. The white paint was chipping off the shingles, the wooden porch had one too many holes in it, and the flowers were long past saving.
I like how simple and effective the descriptions are. The fact that they appear later in the story when the readers are already invested in your world make them less of a hindrance and more like an accessory that not only establishes the world of the characters but also hints at their stories and backgrounds. For example, from here we can take a guess at Mr. Dostal's less than fortunate status and his humble disposition.
Its engine jumped to life like a cat whose tail was just stepped on.
This was funny and clever and the fact that I could actually imagine the cat made me laugh out loud at the mental image!
Overall, this was a very strong beginning to the novel! I have probably said this more than enough times already, but I love how reflective your narration is. It has done justice to your characters and established them in the most humane way possible. I loved the little actions that conveyed so much - like Eduard silently challenging Mr. Dostal to enquire about his mother (suggesting his own insecurity and concern) or Hedvika walking away obliviously for all her maturity (suggesting innocence and a tendency to deny rather than confront) or Eduard wanting to score more money for his mother but only increasing the cost by ten cents (suggesting his good nature moral sense) These little things already make me feel connected with the characters and interested in their stories and journeys.
That's all! I hope I was able to help somewhat with the review.
Keep writing and have a great day!
Points: 82352
Reviews: 659
Donate