Young Writers Society

Hi looseleaf,

Mailice here with a short review!

Every good story begins when you look around in the attic long enough. The title wouldn't have made me think of such a story. It begins calmly and classically and gives the reader not only the necessary information about Sabrina, but also a motivation for how the story will continue.

In terms of structure, I think in general you've made an effort to make the beginning as orderly as possible. I like that you also try to introduce the characters a bit while they are cleaning up. One thing I noticed, though:

Sabrina was tasked with cleaning out the attic. She loved her great-great-aunt Ida (everyone did) but Ida was a bit of a hoarder. Anyone who saw her attic would agree.
Great-Great-Aunt Ida was moving to a retirement village down in Florida and the family was helping her move her boxes out of her house to the moving truck.

This is really neat! I won't be reviewing this series, but I'll try to be a consistent reader & commenter! c: I'm reviewing a lot of stuff for three or four people right now, I might come back later on and review these XD

Hello, LUNARGIRL here with a review!
Let's get straight to it.

Sabrina was tasked with cleaning out the attic. She loved her great-great-aunt Ida (everyone did) but Ida was a bit of a hoarder. Anyone who saw her attic would agree.

Great-Great-Aunt Ida was moving to a retirement village down in Florida and the family was helping her move her boxes out of her house to the moving truck. Uncle Harrison was cleaning out the kitchen and dining room, Mom was doing the backyard and shed, Dad was doing the two bedrooms, Quincy was cleaning out the living room, and because she was the smallest, Sabrina was assigned the crawl space. Grandpa and Grandma were already in Florida, settling into their own home.

Sabrina continued to work as she listened to the conversation below. Dad joined it as Sabrina took the first round of boxes to the moving truck. There was nothing important about them. They were just filled with old junk from mom’s childhood. Sabrina climbed back up to the attic and was taking the second round of boxes, which held photographs, down in no time. Sabrina took a few pictures of photographs that interested her with her phone.

Hi!
I thought this was a really good prologue, especially the dialogue.
I did find some mistakes in it, though.

Great-Great-Aunt Ida was moving to a retirement village down in Florida and the family was helping her move her boxes out of her house to the moving truck

Dad joined it as Sabrina took the first round of boxes to the moving truck.

Sabrina climbed back up to the attack and was taking the second round of boxes, which held photographs, down in no time.

Sabrina took a few pictures of photographs that interested her with her phone.

and she had thought her mother had a stroke while deciding it.

and ignoring the letters and photographs all together.

Hey! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed this prologue! It's a lot more straightforward than most of the prologues I've read before, so it was, in a way, quite refreshing. I really enjoyed it and thought you did a remarkable job.

One thing I enjoyed was the way you opened and closed this. Your first sentence jumps right into it, introducing Sabrina and what she's doing. Your last sentence is also quite good. I really enjoyed how you ended it with dialogue, and what she's saying segues into what I'm predicting to be more info about Philip. I'm also interested to see how you're going to incorporate the diary format that you mentioned in the description. In short, I'm excited to see what comes next!!

One general suggestion I had was to maybe put in more visuals/Sabrina's thoughts? When I first started reading, it was told from a very objective point of view. It felt like you were almost dictating the tale. It was very straightforward, and sometimes stories are. It just felt a little too straightforward, you know? And that could just be your style, in which case just ignore this part.

Specifics

She loved her great-great-aunt Ida, everyone did, but Ida was a bit of a hoarder.

Uncle Harrison was cleaning out the kitchen and dining room, mom was doing the backyard and shed, dad was doing the two bedroom, Quincy was cleaning out the living room, and because she was the smallest, Sabrina was assigned the crawl space.

That was Sabrina’s middle name. She hated it, mostly because it was a man’s name, and she had thought her mother had a stroke while deciding it.

Ida sighed, “Yes, dear?”