z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Hunters Arena

by lightbombhunter


The Hunter’s ArenaM&Kbook co

(Front cover)

























By: unknown(for now)

Prologue

“Please give me some medicine, my friend is very sick. He needs some-” I said.

“NO, I have told you for the last time. We can not give you any. If I give you some free medicine, I will have to give everyone else some” interrupted the store manager.

“Please?” I asked.

“Get out of my store!” He yelled angrily.

“Please?” I asked again, desperately.

“GET OUT!” He roared.

“Fine. When my friend dies, I'm going to hunt you down.”

I stormed out of that stupid store. That guy was annoying, but my instinct told me someone was following me so I started to walk faster. I could tell that someone was still following me. I started to sprint to my hideout. When I was there I grabbed my father's knife. I stuck it in my sheath and put the sheath on. I ran out into the night with my pack and knife. It was time for me to move on.

Chapter 1

I was on the road yet again, because I knew someone was following me. I had to leave my hideout for the sixth time. I started to set up camp, and used my oldest trick. I stuffed a racoon and my pack in my blanket, so it looked like it was me moving around in my blanket. I knew eventually the racoon would fall asleep and it would look I had fallen asleep as well. I started a fire easy as pie. I hid in a hole under a nearby tree, and waited for the racoon to fall asleep.

A few minutes later I saw a man in a black coat tieing the blanket up. I got my rope and snuck to my camp swiftly. I jumped on him and tied him up in less than twenty seconds. If I were in a different situation, I think I’d, well, I don’t know what, but it was pretty impressive. He was yelling at me nonstop. I might have kicked him somewhere I shouldn’t have, but he was being really stupid. When I kicked him that shut him up. I clutched his neck, and picked him up. (Not very gently) I am very strong for my age. He was a midget! Then again, I can’t talk because I’m 15 and only 5 foot. He was about one inch shorter than me. “Who are you and why are you following me!” I yelled. This was starting to freak me out.

He said mysteriously, “I am ‘The Hunter’, and who are you?”

“I am Filo, and why are you trying to kill me?” I said.

“You have talent.” The man said, as if that explained everything. “And why not? Killing is fun!”. That last comment was just a bit disconcerting.

“What about it?”I asked, ignoring this last bit.

“Ever heard of the “Hunters Arena”?, he asked

“Yes, the leader of it is my hero.” I replied excitedly. Where was he going with this?

“How would you like to come to the arena?”, he asked.

“I would love to, do you know the leader?”I responded.

“Then can you release me if I am your hero?” He asked.

“Bull (censored), you are not “The Hunter”, are you?”

“Yes I am, I’ll show you my bow if you LET ME GO!”he responded.

“You have the bow with you?”I asked, while I was cutting him loose.

“Yes”, he pulled out a beautiful bow made of egyptian steel.

“It's beautiful.” I said, sentimentally

“It's also powerful.”he responded.

“I'm sure it is.” I said.

“Would you like to hold it?”he asked.

“May I?” I asked eagerly.

“No, first you must prove who you really are.” he said. “ However, it will not be easy.”

“How hard will it be?” I asked.

“I’ll give you an example. Go run to that tree and back in 10 seconds”he said pointing to a tree 200 yards away.

“That's impossible!”I responded.

“Then you will never wield the bow!” yelled The Hunter.

“Fine.Where are you going to take me?”I asked, shaken.

“Far away.” He responded. “ Be vigilant, some people that don't like me will be trying to…kill us.”

“Okay I’ll be vigilant,”I said. “Whatever that means.” I mumbled under my breath.

We started walking and it was probably two miles into the walk about thirty “soldiers” fell out of the sky holding smoke bombs and bows, all of them had quivers on their backs.

I assumed these were the people that were trying to kill us, so I sprang into action. I got my metal bo staff I had on my back and whacked two of them on the temple.My hand got tired so I put the staff in my other hand(I am ambidextrous).They all started to fight me all at once. They were all seeing stars when I was done with them. The Hunter was just staring at me.

“They were 30 of my least experienced soldiers” The Hunter said, astonished.”Yet they were still better than the artillery in town.”

“You tricked me!” I said, “I might of killed some of them.”

“It’s fine, I only need you…and they were my worst soldiers any way”





























Chapter 2

“Dang this a cool house!”I said.

“Wait till you see the the arena.”

“I can’t wait to see it”

“Guards might try to kill you.” He said. “Some are mentally crazy, I still have a scar.”

He lifted up one of his shirt sleeves to reveal a scar, that went from his shoulder to his wrist.

“I got it from a sword made of Roman iron.”

“Who did it?”I asked.

“Berserk is what we call him.”He responded.

“What did you do to him?”I asked.

“Put him in exile for three years.”

“How long has it been?”I responded.

“Ten years...since he got back.”He said.

“How is that possible?”I asked.

“I started training him when he was two, he was my first soldier”He responded.”But it came with a price:he has seen more blood than anyone should ever see it has impacted him more than I orignally thought it would.”

“How old is he?”I asked

“18 years old.”He said. He is a...The top general.”

“Where is he?”I asked.

The Hunter took out a horn,and blew it.I heard rustling in the trees.A man who was probably 400 pounds (but it was not fat it was muscle, all muscle),fell from the highest tree eating raw pork(with his bare hands.)He must have been at least 7 foot.He was also missing his left sleeve and one of his eyes was white with a scar going through it.

“Yes my lord?”He asked in a voice as soft as silk.

“This is our new general.”The Hunter responded.

“Seems weak to me.”Berserk responded.

“I am not scared to fight you, deb.”I responded.

Berserk’s eyes narrowed.”How did you know that. Lets fight.”

“It's settled”The Hunter said.“You will fight in the arena.”

“I don't have any actual weapons.”I said.

“I will get you some then. What do you prefer to fight with?” asked The Hunter.

“I prefer to fight with bows, swords, and knives.”I said.

“One sword made out of Roman steel. one knife made out of Greek bronze. A bow made of Oak or Dark Oak wood from Danmark, very strong, thick, light Spider webbing smoothed to the finest texture and strong enough to cut the head off of the big ox, and the finest bow polishing. They will be delivered to your 2 acre room on the 3rd floor.” The Hunter said.

“I get a room?” I said, surprised.

“Yes you retard, where would you stay if you didn’t have quarters in our house.”

“I don’t know.” I responded.

“Your room has a practice arena, queen size bed,a window that has a great view of our sundial, And a well that goes down and gets really pure water for a bath, And you get a personal servant to do as you please.” Said The Hunter, Smiling.

“What is his name.” I asked.

“It is a her, Her name is Funa but she also responds to her middle name:Wola, She kinda looks like you, But she is a few years older than you.”

“Okay I will go up to my room now and take a little nap.”I responded

“That is fine, you have had a long day”Said The Hunter

I then walked up to my room. I looked around to see all of The Hunters promises were true. I lied down and fell asleep thinking that this was the best day of my life.





















Chapter 3

I woke up by a girl poking me in a place she shouldn’t have, I yelled at her to get out and she ran out as fast as she could.I looked out at the sundial and it was five in the morning and the sun was barely rising. I assumed that the girl that was poking me was was Wola. I realized I was changed in different clothes very nice silk and leather clothes. I went downstairs.The Hunter was there eating some nuts on a leather reclining couch and I tried to sit next to him.

“No!”He yelled unsheathing his sword and stabbing my butt.”My couch!”

He pointed towards a nice couch(not as nice as The Hunter’s) to the right of his.I looked and saw Berserk sitting there eating raw beef with his bare hands and one cup of pig blood and one cup of brown liquid with no plate. There was a plate there for me. It had beef and cheese and some sort of yellowish green liquid.

“Why don’t you have cheese and this… drink Berserk?” I asked him.”Also Hunter I really like bread.”

“The drink is from dimension 4 and 3 it is called Peak Vapor, it is filled with a substance that makes you stay awake” the Hunter interrupted. “Also noted.”

“I kinda like cheese but I HATE Peak Vapor I drink choco bean milk I HATE all soda.” Berserk grunted.”Except Green Cow.”

I went to sit on the couch and it was clearly not leather. I asked about other soldiers and he said they sit on the ground or stand.

“okay.” I said“Anyway who changed my clothes?”

“Your servant. I was going to send a male in but she insisted on meeting you and changing you if you were still asleep.”He responded

“When I woke up she was touching me in the nether regions!”

“You two look and act so much alike.”He responded.

“Do you think that is a coincidence?” I asked

“No,if only you knew.”He mumbled.

“What?”I asked

“Never Mind” He responded.

“Okay I'm going to go practice with my swords and other stuff.” I responded, annoyed.

I went upstairs to my 2 acre home. Wola was there.

“I sorry”She said.”We look alike.”

“I noticed.”I responded.”Where did you put my swords?”

“I set up your training gear on your bed.”She said.

“Thank you.”I said.

“Where do you come from?”She asked.

“The streets.”I responded.

“Oh I'm sorry.”She said.”I didn't know.”

“It's fine, I'm used to it.”I responded.”Take the day off”

“The Hunter would never allow that.”She responded.

“I will”I said.”I don't know what it is but I feel a connection to you.”

“Same with me.”She said.

“Then go take the day off.”I responded.

“Thank you Master Filo.”She said.”I have to just let it out, I like you.”

“I could tell.”I said sarcastically.

She left. I went to my room using a map of the absolutely massive place. I found my gear, it was plated with thin silver That Attila the Hun owned (before he kicked it) that was light and flexible. The mask was like a ninja mask but a thin plate of silver over it giving a gray tint. The torso was like a samurai torso with brass knuckles that were made of roman iron. The gloves, a quiver, a new sheath made out of the nicest leather I've ever seen, matches, and a place on the back to rest my bow but the whole armour was lined in silver plating.

Beside my gear was One sword made out of Roman steel in the quiver, one dagger made out of Greek bronze. A bow made of Dark Oak wood from Danmark Very strong, thick, light Spider webbing for the string smoothed to the finest texture and had a 1 in blade on the end sharp enough to cut the head off of the huge ox, and the finest bow polishing.Lastly I found 4 shurikens made out of the same material the silver plating but so thick(and sharp)it was not flexible.

“Wow, I better learn to know how to use this stuff.”I said to myself...for some reason.

“You should.”The Hunter said, walking towards me.”Or you will kill yourself trying to kill someone else.”

“How dangerous are these weapons?”I asked.

“More dangerous than you can imagine.”He responded.

“Do you want to know about the dimensions?”He asked out of nowhere.

“Sure.”I responded.

“Number uno:BORING.”

“Number two:Also BORING”

“Number three:Earth.”

“Number four:Infinite islands called the “Islands of the Legends” where my closest friend Shadow is.”

“Number five:Utopia.”

“Number six:The dimension of the demons.”

“Number seven:The dimension of weird or strange.”

“Number eight:The infinite lands Dreamworld where one of my other friends but not my closest friend Crooked is.”

“Number nine: I personally like this one, The Hunters Arena...Because that's us.”

“finally number 10:Shadow, Crooked, and I made it too vulgar to talk about(however it was mostly Shadow).”

“There are over a billion dimensions but 1-10 are the main ones.Dimensions:3,4,8,and 9 are portal weak points,in those dimensions you can open a portal to any other dimension.If you are in any other dimension you will have to find a portal.Or you can use a dimension map,with these maps you can touch the dimension that you want to go to and you will teleport to that dimension.”He said.

“Can I touch One?” I asked.

“Be my guest” The Hunter replied

I touched the number 4. I felt like I was being sucked up a tube. I got a message from The Hunter on a piece of paper that came out of the portal also.

“When you want to come back, Raise your bow into the air take out an arrow and say where you want to go then the arrow will turn into a portal arrow. Shoot it and the arrow will open a portal.”

Chapter 4

I heard someone coming so I dove into the bushes. I saw a skinny guy walking with a short guy.They seemed to be waiting for someone. Then, A whole group came out of the bushes. They started to walk north. I saw them walk into a clearing. Then suddenly, A huge group of dragons sprang from the cliffside. I saw one of the guys had a dragon. On his arm. He started to walk back but a dragon breathed fire on him.

“Well that guy is a goner” I thought.

To my surprise, he was not dead. He made a gesture with his hands and the dragons all stood up straight.

“Bad Quake!”The skinny one said”No fish for you.”

He walked away and the dragons didn’t do anything. They just stood there like statues. Meanwhile, He went to a house. I looked inside a window and saw a dragon,It looked like the dragon that the skinny guy had was tamed but bigger.

“Helio go take Lightning to the dragon house, Zin is coming to train.”The skinny one said.

“Yes Neuro.”The short one said.

I think he had tamed it. Then when I turned around, There were about million dragons. They were a lot bigger than The dragon that the skinny guy had tamed. I ran into the woods as fast as I could. I saw the short guy look in my direction. I raised my bow into the air said dimension nine and shot an arrow but nothing happened.

“Who are you?”The short one yelled.

I tried again A portal opened and I stepped through and suddenly I was back in The Hunters Arena

The Hunter was eating honey roasted and salted nuts(as those are his favorite food) on a leather sofa.

“I didn’t expect you back so soon” The Hunter said, embarrassed

“Sorry, but there was two guys over there.”I replied.

“What did they look like,did they look like black ghosts?” The hunter said anxiously.

“Well no… One of them was tall and skinny the other- I said

“I have to talk Shadow” The Hunter interrupted.

“Why?”I asked.”Wait who is Shadow?”

“Those people were not eldeons and that is bad.”He responded.

“What are eldeons?”I asked.

“Filo, We are all on the same team,except the Eldeons are not our allies not our enemies they are neutral.” The Hunter said

“Oh, So Those people are our enemies?” I asked.

“Yes, anyway I need to call Shadow to come here. Go into that room until I say so.”

“Okay”I said.

I walked into the room but I screwed a little hole in the door with a arrow so I could listen because I did not really trust The Hunter yet. I heard them talking.

“You need to kill those people, Shadow. If our plans are going to work we need to kill everybody,including Crooked.”The Hunter said.

“I am working on it,also you are not the boss of this operation.We both have equal control.”Shadow said.”And I need Wola now.”

“Yes I realize that,but where are the troops you said you would send and Wola she is supposed to be my slave not yours.”

“I ran into trouble,I needed them.”Shadow responded.

“What is more important than enslaving every person in this dimension?”The Hunter asked.

“A man named Neuro. He is a big threat.”Shadow said.

“Then find a way to bring him here Filo and I will take care of him.”The Hunter responded.

“He will kill Filo he has elemental powers Hunter!”Shadow said.”Besides Crooked will take care of them. You know? Give him one last big fight before we kill him. You know he only has to fight Wasp and not The Legends.”

“Don't be absurd,only in dimension 5,4, and 7 can people have elemental powers.”The Hunter said laughing.

“You just wait you will see.”Shadow said.

“Shadow are you smoking marijuana again?”The Hunter asked.

“NO, NOW DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME TRULY MAD?”Shadow yelled (so loud I thought I might have a heart attack) whilst his eyes glowed black somehow.

“Shadow calm down you are tuning back into the true Shadow I remember when we met.”The Hunter said.

“I'm sorry,but we must carry out this plan Hunter.”Shadow said.

“I will do my best to train Filo.”The Hunter responded.

“Then I take my leave.”Shadow responded.”Good bye.”

Shadow left. The Hunter came and got me.

“We will not stop training until you can win against me.”The Hunter said.

“So what's this master plan?”I asked.

“Why, were you listening?”The Hunter yelled.

“No, well I listened at the end because I thought you said to come out but when I heard you say master plan I came back in”I said quickly.

The Hunter glared at me. I smiled uneasily at him.

“Fine” he said.

“Okay I'm going to go and practice with my bow and knifes”I said.

“Okay, I will be practicing too”The Hunter responded.

I went back up to my room but right as I opened my door Funa popped out of nowhere and kissed me! Before I could yell at her she flipped away. I whipped out my sword so if she tried it again I would be ready. She tried again when I went to the bathroom.

“Holy (censored), woman!”I yelled.

She covered her eyes, which would be a nice gesture if she wasn't peeking through her fingers.

I got out my bow.

“If you don't get out there and do you job I’m going to SHOOT YOU WITH MY BOW” I yelled.

“I'm not scared of you master.”Funa said very calmly.

“Well you should be.”I yelled

I sprang towards her. At first, she dodged me easily. When I got the gist of her movements, I easily grabbed her wrists and jumped on her back(I think she was a few years older than me) I am 5 foot and she was about 6 foot. I pinned her arms behind her back and held onto her back with my legs. I kept holding her arms behind her back when I got my knife out and held it to her throat.

“Let me go” she ordered me.

“No, we are going to have a chat with The Hunter first. WALK!”

“No” she replied,firmly.

I pressed the knife harder into her throat.

“Fine i’ll walk!” she said.

She walked downstairs with me on her back. When we got downstairs,The Hunter looked at us strangely.

“Why are you on Funa’s back with a knife to her throat.” he asked us confused.

“Funa has something to tell you” I said angrily.

“Fine, I have been “tormenting” master Filo.”Funa said,

“Filo I told her to do this,You need to learn patience.”The Hunter said quietly.

“Why did you tell her to do this she has poked me in the nether regions, trying to look at me in the bathroom and mostly being annoying. ”I yelled.

“I was testing your skills and it seems like you have good skills. My last 5 apprentices couldn’t take her down. The last one was even 8 foot(he died of a heart attack because he was so tall). “He said laughing.

“So you told Funa to do this?” I said hopefully.

“Yes I did, now go to your room and practice.”he said. Funa you go to your room. “

“Yes sir.” Funa said.

I went to my room and started to practice with my bow. I actually am really good with a bow and arrow. I pulled a robin hood five times. The Hunter has trained me well. I accidently shot an arrow through Berserk’s pants and he chucked me through...I don’t remember.

When I woke up I went into berserks room. I rushed at him with my sword. We were fighting when a little ball rolled in.

“Smoke bomb!”Berserk yelled.

“Filo time we get that fight between you and Berserk to happen.”The Hunter's voice called out.

“Sir as much as I want to kill Filo…”Berserk said.

“Hey! I am standing right here you know.”I yelled.

“Let me finish.”Berserk yelled.”He is new He will die against me. Did you not learn from the your last six apprentices you brought into that sacred arena that I built instead of being in exile for four years. My blood is in there and you bring a weakling into MY arena.”

“This one is special he is ambidextrous so he will be able to hold two swords at a time.”The Hunter responded.”Also MY arena.”

“Sir you do not deserve that arena I created it!”Berserk yelled.

“I raised you.”The Hunter said so quietly I could barely hear it(and I have very good ea.

It was silent for a two full minutes.

“Yes my lord.”Berserk responded.

“So you will both fight in the arena” said The Hunter.

“Okay.”Berserk said.”But if he dies it is not my fault.”

A minute later I was standing in my room, getting dressed into my armour. When I was waiting in my room I practiced with my sword and I practiced with my bow too. I went downstairs to see everyone staring at me. I walked into the café which has the best food and everyone was still staring at me.

“Since you are going to live with Satan soon, Filo... I will let you have anything from The Hunter’s menu. It is filled with gourmet stuff. “The baker and bartender Wech said quietly.

“Why would I live with Satan?”I asked baker Wech.

“Have you not noticed yet, The Hunter is a murderer. He had Berserk(who was 5 at the time) build that arena and uses it to to watch people die and He loves watching it he laughs. Did you ever notice that only people of ages 23 and up and people that are associated with The Hunter can go in the arena,do you know why? Because it is so bloody.Even though there used to be no rules,it has somehow gotten even bloodier!” baker Wech whispered.”Anyway to shorten it up you help The Hunter that means anything bad he does from now on you are associated with and anything he does is basically evil and Satan loves evil.”

“Wech I know what I want.”I said.

“I already choose for you.It is a very thin very nutritious unleavened dough used for making pastries called Filo bread.I didn’t know what to name it. I was about to name it after The Hunter or maybe Berserk but they is to evil to deserve it.”Baker Wech said.

“But won't The Hunter be mad it is named after me and not him?”I asked.

“Well yes but on the menu I will call it phyllo bread spelled p-h-y-l-l-o phyllo.”Wech said.

I waited about ten minutes and then Wech gave me the bread it was the best bread.He put cream and a strawberry on top too. I ate it all in 20 seconds. I asked for more and He said after the first round it would be in the waiting quarters, but to make sure I didn't starve he gave me a very expensive smoothie from The Hunters menu with dragonfruit and star fruit

“Wech when I leave The Hunter I will bring you with me!”I said smiling.

“I would love that.”Wech said.”Tick tock your fight is going to begin in 10 minutes.”

I looked out the Window and saw the sundial and I saw he was right. I walked out of the cafe and I started to go to the place where the arena contestants go.

Chapter 5

I went in and I waited for the fights to start.

The Hunter came in with the shadow guy.

“This is Shadow he will help you win the Fight.”The Hunter said.

“How?”I asked.

“I can't explain it but it will be painful.”The Hunter responded.

“Anything to help me.”I said.

“Okay Shadow work your magic.”

Shadow put his hand on my arm and it felt dark and evil.I screamed a little then Shadow said he was done.I looked at my arm and there was a black spot underneath my skin.

“How will this help?”I asked.

“You will see.”Shadow said.

“Did you give me ringworm disease?”

“No!”Sadow said

“Good bye.”The Hunter said.

“See you later.”I said.

“I like that phrase ‘see you later’ I must use that.”The Hunter said.

I basically started the phrase “see you later”.

I Heard an announcement that came from someone speaking through a conch shell with the sound going through tubes that go on to the “roof” and the opening was bigger than the tube itself so it could travel around to each seat.

“We will now see a fight from are one and only, BERSERK!” the announcer yelled. “He will be fighting The Hunters new apprentice and protégé. His new apprentice is ambidextrous and he is really good with a bow and arrow. They will both be wearing full armour and let's see if our champion can defeat our young fellow here(most likely will happen).”

I walked out and there was a huge crowd standing there. It looked like the roman colosseum with blood(dry, moist, and wet) stained on the floor. I heard a lot of laughter.

“He so small!”

“He will never be able to beat Berserk!”

“Good luck, shrimp!”

I walked out and got my swords out.

“Let's see what he can do” The announcer yelled. “Round 1”

I walked out two see high tech(compared to what we have today) dummies rolling towards me. They each had to swords. I jumped high and sliced of both of their heads with my swords. The dummies stopped moving and fell down. The crowd was silent.

“Well let's not underestimate this young fellow.Now should we” The announcer bellowed.

The crowd started to yell like crazy.

“Round 2”

5 dummies came towards me this time. I leaped on one of them and drove him into 3 more. The other dummy came off me fast but I was ready. I drove my sword into his chest. The dummy sat down and “died”.

“Round 3”

20 dummies came at me this time. I got tons of bruises. But I defeated them. They called a break. I went into the rest room and sat down on a bed. Berserk walked in.

“You defeated those dummies almost as fast as me. I defeated them 10 seconds faster than you. You might have a chance against me.”Berserk said angrily”The actual fight is going to begin shortly.”

“How much do you fight?”I asked Berserk.

“Once a week.”Berserk responded.”If i'm lucky.”

“You mean you like fighting.”

“No.”Berserk said quietly.”The Hunter forces me to fight.”

“Oh, I am truly sorry” I said even though I wanted to pound his freaking face into his thick skull.

“Listen I know you think i'm stupid or something but I am smarter than The (word I am not allowed to say) Hunter, and he knows it.Got it buddy?”Berserk said very angry.

I know I am stupid but I said this:”I will beat you thick skull to pieces.”

Just then the announcer yelled:”Get ready for a pool of blood as Berserk the...well berserk, beats Filo the rookie!”

“There will be a pool of blood” berserk said between his teeth.”and it won’t be mine” He ran into the arena his arms up. There was so much cheering I went deaf for a whole 5 seconds. When I walked in, there was no cheering, they were all just staring at me

“Hello?” I said quietly.

“Anyway” the announcer boomed, “let the fight begin”

I barely had time to get out my sword when Berserk slammed into me.

“Good luck, shrimp!”

“He will never be able to beat Berserk if that’s all he can do!”

“He so weak!”

I rushed towards Berserk with my sword and once again he pulled out a shield.I struck his shield and my sword bounced off!Berserk started rushing towards me.

“This is an announcement from The Hunter: ’Filo put your arm in the air!’Well I don't how that will help but okay.”The announcer yelled.

I did it right before Berserk struck and a black shield came out of the black spot on my arm and this time his sword bounced off my shield!

“What is this shield made out of?”I yelled to The Hunter.

“Condensed dark essence.”I heard Shadow’s voice whisper in my ear.

“Sweet” I ran towards Berserk and I slammed into him with all my might. He stumbled backwards and then I slammed into his lower chest and he doubled over. I catapulted up and slammed my sword into his face.

The audience was stunned.

“Winner of round one folks” boomed the announcer.

The crowd went wild. Berserk limped out of the arena coughing up blood and cursing at me. People helped me into the resting room. When I walked into the rest room I saw Berserk drinking pig blood.

I went to the cafe because I had a hour before the second round.I sat down at the cafe and asked for filo bread. They gave me a huge portion and a huge thing of this drink that gave me a rush of energy.

“What is this stuff” I asked Wech.

“Beer!”He responded smiling.”With Mountain Dew ice cubes...and a straw!”

“Well , I knew it was with a straw and ice cubes ,Wech.”I said displeased.

“No,no,no they are mountain dew ice cubes.”

“Oh that is really cool, Wech.”I said sarcastically.

“Nice to know that someone cares about my invention.”Wech said sadly. “None care about me any more. Berserk is the most reckless. He comes into my lab and destroys stuff on purpose”

For some strange reason I got really mad at Berserk. Who would do that to a poor guy like Wech? I will kill him next round, I silently vowed.

Berserk walked in and walked behind the counter picked up Wech by the shirt unsheathed his sword and put to Wech’s throat.

“I want this so called “phyllo bread”...Now!”Berserk yelled.

“No that is only for The Hunter!”Wech squeaked.

“I see someone needs to die!”Berserk yelled smiling.

“NO” I yelled

I ran up to berserk and I kicked him in the place where I knew it would hurt really bad. Berserk fell over straight onto his arm and I heard a crack!

“My arm! You broke it!”Berserk screamed.”You will pay for this!”

He put on steel knuckles and ran towards me and slammed his fist into my stomach for a minute we were just standing there then I went flying. Learning some tricks from The Hunter, I did a backflip and landed on the wall sideways and then I lunged towards him and slammed into his face with my bow. Berserk cursed and threw a smoke bomb. I started coughing very loudly. I realized that is what alerted Berserk where I was. He slammed into me and I heard a loud crack. At first I thought it was my bone but it was actually the crack of the hunters whip.

Berserk immediately fell down and kneeled before him.

“I guess since you can’t formally fight I must kill both of you.”The Hunter said angrily.

“No” I yelled. “You can’t do that to him or me I won’t let you.”

The Hunter smiled at beserk. “Okay Filo we admit it, we were having some doubts about if you were the right person for the job, But now we have no doubts, you have shown your courage and fully accept you into the hunters clan. “

“That was a test and you both knew it?”I asked

“Yep, and you don’t have to continue this fight if you wish, Filo, If you know I will crush you” Beserk said jokingly.

“I will crush you thick skull to pieces in the next round, I have this sweet shield and I have another trick up my sleeve” I yelled

Berserk sulkily walked away grumbling.

The Hunter walked over to me.”What is your surprise, Filo”

“You will see”I said.





























Chapter 6

I was worried about what the hunter would make of my “surprise”... I knew right then Wech was right. The Hunter is and was evil it seems obvious but he seems like such a nice guy and I threatened to kill his best soldier and he does not even care. I had to stop him. I was trained enough to take out the guards that were protecting The Hunter, but Berserk would be the real problem. He was taller stronger faster, he was superior in every way… except mind. He is smart but not smart enough to meet my standards. I’m not saying, Berserk is stupid but he is stupid compared to me. However I have more brains than The Hunter and Berserk put together. I'm just that smart.

Anyway because i'm going to try to take down The Hunter,whenever him and Shadow talk to get intel but whenever I try this happens.

"Whakarongo Hunter, kei te ngana Filo ki te tango koe ki raro, me e ko te aha tatou i ki te tango ia ia ki raro."Shadow said agitatedly

"E kore e taea e ahau te tango i raro taku tama ake ko ia taku tama anake, me te kore e te tupeketanga o kia rite atamai rite Filo."The Hunter responded annoyed

"Hunter pai ka tangohia e ahau toku poroporoaki, me te whakangaro Neuro me nga Legends.”Shadow left swiftly and quietly.

I have no idea what that means but I heard my name and that is not a good thing...I think.


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Thu May 11, 2017 1:35 pm
phoephernelia says...



i like it! but i feel like it does have enough description of the places, also i got confused by the dragons and the plan




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Wed May 10, 2017 10:31 pm
Kimball says...



If I were you I would keep working on this and keep getting it better and better then you can publish it as a real book.
Anyway, you need capitalizing your I's it would make the story better by not distracting from it. Besides that, it is very good.




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Wed May 10, 2017 1:45 pm
papillote wrote a review...



Hi, Lightbombhunter,

Fair warning, I stopped midway through chapter 3. I will go back to reading later and I'll probably publish another review for the rest. This entry was very long. My first advice would be to publish your book chapter by chapter. Not only is that the convention on YWS but the reviews you would get would be more detailed.

Now, I have several issues with what I read.
There are small grammatical issues, especially concerning your capitalization but I'm not an expert myself so I will leave it to some other reviewers to point them out. And you are still more than readable.
The real problem is that the three chapters I read were much too dry. We need more descriptions, more characterization.
We know next to nothing about your two main characters, Filo and The Hunter. Obviously, The Hunteris famous but you don't tell us why in your first chapters and it's a shame. Most often, fantasy writers get tackled for spending too much time on world-building. You definitely can afford to do more of it.
That being said, I have no objection with The Hunter remaining a man of mystery but the readers at least need some backstory on Filo. We can't begin feeling empathy with your main character if we have no idea what Filo feels or where Filo comes from. You only start telling us about itin chapter 3, it's a little late in the game.

Onto what I liked.
I liked that, all through chapter 1, we had no trouble knowing what Filo was feeling without needing you to spell it out. I especially liked that line:
« “May I?” I asked eagerly. »
Because, wow, what a full mouth and, all of a sudden, it's all "may I?". I can practically count the stars in those eyes!
And I laughed at Filo's racoon trick.
I liked that you knew exactly where you were leading your characters. It's obvious that you have at least the bare bones of your novel, maybe even a complete skeleton but you need to flesh it out. My advice is to read every chapter again and to picture the action in your head as you read about it. Then, you read it again and you wonder if the reader will get the same picture.

Hope this helped, Lightbombhunter. It's not necessarily a bad work but it's still a little unpolished. Keep writing, keep sharing and you will get better over time.






This Helped a Lot!! I will definitely take the things you said into consideration.



Kimball says...


This was a GREAT review please come revew my books.



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Wed May 10, 2017 1:33 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



HOLY MOTHER OF LONG STORIES, BATMAN.

So the first piece of advice I want to share with you is: you'll get more reviews if you don't post so much at once. Reviewers are kind of scared off by something so long - I don't like reading on screens myself, so I'll typically look for shorter things to read and review (or I would, but I'm too determined a reviewer to shy away from long things). It costs more points to post more works, but it's well worth it. You can get a lot more feedback that way.

ANYWAY. Moving on.

I'm a little confused as to why your first scene is a prologue, instead of part of chapter one. We appear to be in the same viewpoint as we are for the rest of the story, and chapter one seems to follow more or less directly after the prologue. A prologue is best used to

- show us an important scene that happens a long time before the main story starts
- set the tone/mood of the story
- introduce us to an important setting
- give us important information you can't otherwise work into the story*

*But it's important to note that you often can incorporate important information elsewhere in the story.

Your prologue is short and written as a scene, which are both good things. But it doesn't seem like it needs to be a prologue - it could be the start of your first chapter, except for this.

“Please give me some medicine, my friend is very sick. He needs some-” I said.

“NO, I have told you for the last time. We can not give you any. If I give you some free medicine, I will have to give everyone else some” interrupted the store manager.

“Please?” I asked.

“Get out of my store!” He yelled angrily.

“Please?” I asked again, desperately.

“GET OUT!” He roared.

“Fine. When my friend dies, I'm going to hunt you down.”


The main character is so concerned about his sick friend right here, but then we never hear about it again. Does his friend die? Does he care? I know he's concerned because he feels like someone's following him, but the sick friend feels like an exciting way to start the story, which then never ties back in. But if you did tie it back in, the story would have higher stakes right from the start, as the main character tries to evade whoever's following him while also trying to find medicine for his friend.

This review courtesy of
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After I get enough points, I'm going to publish this in shorter sections. Thank you for your advice!!



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Wed May 10, 2017 1:10 pm
Panikos wrote a review...



Hi, lightbombhunter! Welcome to YWS! Pan here to fry up a review for you today.

Well, I don't normally make a habit of reading six chapter works in one sitting, so you must be onto something to hook me in so well. I like the fast pace of this piece and the fact that it throws you in at the deep end rather than lingering on exposition, but there are a lot of things that need polishing to really make the plot shine through. I can't really make it nitpicky given the length of the piece, so I'll have to give a more general critique.

First, pacing. The high energy is great for an action story, but you need light and shade if you want us to feel part of the world. You never slow down and let us take the changes in, and there are a lot of them to adjust to. I would like to see some calmer, more serious scenes where you explore the characterisation and the setting, allowing information about the dimensions to emerge from natural conversations rather than just popping up for the sake of filling the reader in. The hastiness of the story makes it quite hard to follow in places - you throw a lot of different characters into the mix within a short space of time and I can't really figure out the personalities of any of them. Beyond the fact that he likes killing, I don't really know what kind of person the Hunter is, nor Beserk. The roles of Shadow and Wola are quite confusing too. You need to tease things out a little more, rather than just plunging ahead to the next action scene. Allow us time to get to know your characters.

Which brings me to my next concern - Filo. I worry that he's too capable. I can't tell if he's supposed to be human or not, though the fact that he can backflip and do all this crazy jumping stuff suggests that he isn't. But all I really know about him is that he's good at everything, and characters that never struggle with anything are hard to relate to. Be mindful to cap his strength and show us that he's not invincible, because it's the only way to create a character that feels three-dimensional and engaging. You could have him fail a bit at first. Have him struggle with training. Anything that reminds us that he isn't perfect.

Be mindful of adverbs. Several times, I see you saying things like 'he yelled angrily', which is an easy-to-fix but key error. If someone is yelling, the reader knows they're angry, so you don't need to drive it home with an adverb. The reader should generally be able to tell how someone is saying something from either the verb or the dialogue itself - you should only use an adverb where it's absolutely necessary to convey information. So I'd advise you go through the piece and keep a keen eye out for adverbs, taking them one by one and asking yourself 'is this essential to creating meaning?' And if the answer is no, scrap it.

Also, on a similarly nitpicky note, don't censor the swearing! It's a part of the authenticity of it, and by writing (censored) you only pull the reader out of the story and disrupt the flow of the piece. Nobody will mind of there are some swear words dotted about. It's a fact of life.

My final point is about the dialogue. It's good that you use so much dialogue, because speech is essential to character creation and it always tends to be an exciting part of a narrative. However, it does lack realism at times - it doesn't always sound like something someone would really say, but rather what needs to be said to move the story on. If you read your sections of dialogue aloud to yourself and properly act them out (maybe best to do when you're alone in the house!) this can help you spot awkward bits of dialogue that don't sound like real speech. Sometimes, when I'm writing a scene, I'll talk it to myself before I write it, because you can use your own instinct to figure out what each response would be. It's really useful.

Anyway, I think that's enough to be going on with! Best of luck with the rest of it; I'll be keeping an eye out for future instalments. I very much enjoyed reading it.

Hope this helped! PM me if you've any questions.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Wed May 10, 2017 2:59 am
lightbombhunter says...



Hello Guys, it is very nice to finally get my book out there! I am really exited because I have two friends that we are kinda writing a combined series. I am lightbombhunter and my friend kimball and my other friend jolley10101 are really exited to finally get our books out there!




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Wed May 10, 2017 2:50 am
Kimball says...



Great book so far it is great I will share it.






Thank you random person I totally Don't know




But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane