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The Old world: Prologue - Coffee made me do it.

by khushi17bansal


Call me Moss.

That’s who I am, at least for now. I would tell you who I really am but very soon my team and me will be the most wanted criminals in the world. That does complicate things, does it not?

You see, we - my team and I – are going to change the world. We are going to change the world exactly four months from now, on Friday the 1st of January, 2057 at 1:17 in the morning.

Why?

The reason is quite simple.

The world needs changing, its leaders need changing, its people need changing. Somebody needs to grab these people from their collars and give them a rough shake. They need to be shaken into reality.

Who is going to this?

My and team and I are of course. As I said, we are going to change the world. We are going to bring it back to life and we are going to do it the only way it can be done.

We are going to break all the laws; we are going to lie and cheat and steal.

And it's going to be amazing.

Our journey to change the world starts where all infamous journeys do – at the coffee shop near work.

Coffee is a dangerous thing, consume enough and you will soon find yourself contemplating crazy ideas. We were no different, six cups of coffee was all it took for us to come up with the plan to change the world. It took eight for us to quit our jobs and commit to the cause.

We now call coffee the ‘Alcohol for the sober.”

My team and I are going to change the world; we are going give the people of this world a painful shock – like a wedgie. We are going to become the greatest criminals in history.

We are going to do it to prevent another war, we are going to do it to save lives, we are going to do it for the future generations.

We are going to do it because it's fun. 


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Sat Jun 15, 2024 12:19 am
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Roxanne wrote a review...



Hey there! Roxanne here with a review for this interesting prologue :]

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I. First Things First
First and foremost, let’s talk about the awesome stuff. :D
I must say that you've created quite a promising beginning, it's a blast really. I love the main character already. :D Their way of thinking genuinely adds a whole lot of humour to the story, not quite sure if that was the intention, but other way to describe it, it's definitely intriguing. Especially this part:

We are going to break all the laws; we are going to lie and cheat and steal.

And it's going to be amazing.


You definitely set the stage for something amazing XD. The coffee shop just adds that realistic feel to the entire mission and so does the team. They seem like a team of young people, with a true mission in mind. And still very much real, if I take a look at this following piece XD
We were no different, six cups of coffee was all it took for us to come up with the plan to change the world. It took eight for us to quit our jobs and commit to the cause.


I'm definitely intrigued by the team's motivations, though they are not clear, there seems to be a war involved and something about future generations. Which brings me to the precise date that the world will change. It's in the future, but there are so many things that could be in the future, so I'm excited to see what future they will find themselves in and how you pull this off! ^^

II. Tips and Tweaks
Though you've definitely created a strong opening, I would suggest adding a bit more background information to create a lasting impact. It will also help to create a more clear structure of the story.

For instance, now I know that the main character's name is Moss and there is a team on a mission. I read about the thoughts of the Moss and how the mission seems for them, but I'm still not quite sure what the actual mission will be, what's involved and what it's going to lead to. If not the mission, it might help to reveal a bit more about the team. Of course, not too much, they're criminals in the making -- wouldn't want to spill their actual identity and other stuff. :D

The last line of the prologue definitely hints at something mysterious.
We are going to do it because it's fun.

Though I'd say fun, too XD. It gives a little insight into the team's motivation, and it seems like an interesting one, no doubt.

I'm imagining them having all code names and secret id's even though coming across as regular, mundane persons... Just an idea, though I'm sure you've got a pretty good plot!

But of course, do keep in mind; these are merely suggestions and considering them is entirely up to you. :)

III. All in All
Everything in all and all in everything, you've started something awesome and I hope to read more about this story soon! The stage is set for mystery and intrigue and I'm sensing some amazing adventure as well :D. Good luck with your writing project!

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!

Cheers,
Roxanne




khushi17bansal says...


Thank you so much for the review!



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Fri Jun 14, 2024 3:29 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!


First Impression

Well this was quite the little prologue. I can't tell if this is just genuinely hilarious or just that mysterious, either way I can say this is definitely a lovely way to do a prologue.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Call me Moss.

That’s who I am, at least for now. I would tell you who I really am but very soon my team and me will be the most wanted criminals in the world. That does complicate things, does it not?

You see, we - my team and I – are going to change the world. We are going to change the world exactly four months from now, on Friday the 1st of January, 2057 at 1:17 in the morning.


Oooh well this is quite something to throw into a little prologue like this here. Love the vibes already. Very much sells the idea of something massive going down that will be affecting a whole story to come. The secrecy definitely helps out too.

Why?

The reason is quite simple.

The world needs changing, its leaders need changing, its people need changing. Somebody needs to grab these people from their collars and give them a rough shake. They need to be shaken into reality.

Who is going to this?


Well certainly not exactly inaccurate statements there and somewhat relatable in times like the one we live in which really lends itself quite well to creating a powerful sense that something really is going down and this team is driven by some strong motivations.

My and team and I are of course. As I said, we are going to change the world. We are going to bring it back to life and we are going to do it the only way it can be done.

We are going to break all the laws; we are going to lie and cheat and steal.

And it's going to be amazing.

Our journey to change the world starts where all infamous journeys do – at the coffee shop near work.


Hm well lie cheat and steal is not exactly going to be the most rousing speech of making the world a better place so that does get your attention, especially with regards to if maybe this world is in straights that genuinely requires that kind of attention or with the little coffee shop humor are we looking at a group of people not actually out to do noble things here.

Coffee is a dangerous thing, consume enough and you will soon find yourself contemplating crazy ideas. We were no different, six cups of coffee was all it took for us to come up with the plan to change the world. It took eight for us to quit our jobs and commit to the cause.

We now call coffee the ‘Alcohol for the sober.”


Well that does look like the sort of thing that could cause mass mayhem with this not actually being the biggest force for good but once again the coffee now comes in as a more serious if its put in this alcohol for the sober suggesting its a world with maybe unnaturally tight rules.

My team and I are going to change the world; we are going give the people of this world a painful shock – like a wedgie. We are going to become the greatest criminals in history.

We are going to do it to prevent another war, we are going to do it to save lives, we are going to do it for the future generations.

We are going to do it because it's fun.


Well that is most definitely a message and a half to end on there. I think its a great place to end a prologue and in fact keep the true nature of everything ambiguous enough to ramp up that mystery factor.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall a really solid place to start off this one. I think it really ties in incredibly well to just creating a strong sense of mystery and a nice hook for us readers. I look forward to seeing a chapter one on this.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate


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khushi17bansal says...


Thank you so much for the review!




Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein