Hey there~ It's me again.
This is an okay start. You definitely have a lot more philosophy in this poem than the other one I just reviewed. I really like the message that you want to get across, and you pick really good vantage points from which we, as humans, can understand what you mean.
I think the biggest problem in this poem is the repetition. You don't want to write things in a piece that your reader is going to skip over reading, and that's what I found myself doing with the beginning of each stanza, looking only for the meat and meaning at the end: what each animal wanted to say to me, the human. So the first thing I'd recommend is seeing if you can't weave all these meaningful pieces together in a more elegant fashion.
The second thing I want to talk about is the idea of parallel structure. It's funny, because you seem to get it in the fact that you kept the beginning of each stanza the same, which means the structure of each matches the structure of the last, but you kind of mess it up when you get to a smaller level. It's here at the end:
Rest.
Loyalty.
Home.
Live.
But above all
Feel.
Rest, loyalty, and home are nouns, but you suddenly change to live as a verb and feel as a verb. This is not parallel structure 'cause they're different parts of speech. It throws off whatever effect you were getting from the repetition in the first place, because suddenly it's not really repetition. Be careful!
As a side note, I was especially interested in the idea of the eternal hunt and what that means for humans or cats. Do you have a poem up on that topic? Are you planning one? Leave a link on my wall~
PM me if you have any questions about this review, please~
Good luck and keep writing!
Points: 23286
Reviews: 1313
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