the clock strikes twelve
it's that time again
candles lit–
no cake, just me
and my melancholy
whispering to the dark
happy birthday.
the room is loud
with wishes and dreams
never spoken
folded away
in the pages
of endless, pathetic poetry.
flowers droop at my sadness
the moon hides behind clouds–
no longer smiling
no longer a crescent.
I am walking desolation.
my touch, crueler than Midas’s
turns not to gold
but grief
everywhere I go
I leave behind
the traces of me.
silence hands me a gift–
a box wrapped in dust
inside, nothing
but echoes of yesterday.
loneliness ties a ribbon
around my shoulders
whispering
"you'll always be mine."
time stands at the doorway
smirking
carrying another year
I never asked for.
and yet
with all this wreckage
I raise my head
strike another match
and tell the darkness once more
happy birthday to me.
© juliarosewood
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hiya, pleasure to meet you! My name is Raven, and I'm here to give this poem a review! hope you don't mind!
To start, wow, this was absolutely devastating to read. There's such a cynical, sarcastic nature to how the narrator is celebrating their own birthday. The mood is so somber, there's no presence of friends or family, and they're just going through the motions, with this feeling that the tradition of a "birthday party" is just mocking them. It really gets you thinking about how birthdays can sometimes be not a celebration, but just something that weighs on you, and a reminder of something you'd rather not think about (mortality, life, success vs failure, all that lovely jazz...) Of course, that's just the impression I'm getting!
*ahem* As far as a technical review goes, I have nothing to recommend for this piece! It's really nice as it is!
My favorite parts would have to be...
I love how you address the day so nonchalantly—like it's just a routine, something to go through the motions, then just be done for another year. With the empty room, it immediately establishes a mood of sadness and loneliness, as it really sets the tone for the whole poem, and throws you right into that dark place with the narrator.
This really hit hard. The narrator feels like they're being so hard on themself, you can't help but feel bad. What happened to make them feel this way? That they are the problem, and everything around them has just turned to more grief? More empty space at this sad birthday party...
I did like this ending, if only because it feels like a subtle upswing in mood. Striking another match, holding onto a little light, and telling the darkness—the melancholy, the stress, the uncertainty—that they're still here, they made it another year, and however small it may be, however lonely, you'll celebrate anyway. If only in this little way.
Overall, this was a really good poem. Great theme, great tone, great message, just overall nicely done! Thank you for sharing it!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thank you so much for reviewing this..
Hello juliarosewood!!! I'm hop!! Happy review day! Also late happy birthday if it actually was your birthday!! Please excuse me for I am not the best at reviewing so please give me some grace Anyways, let's get into the review~~~
I would like to start by talking about the title. I think that "happy birthday to me" to me is a title that really hits deep with whoever reads it. You don't even have to read the poem to know that this is going to be a sadder, quieter poem. That really matched the poem and I also liked how you made it a line in the poem. It makes people go "oh there it is" when they see the line. It helps deliver the last line and make it more emotionally depth than what it would have if the title wasn't that. So that does really help. Amazing job on the title even if you didn't think about it all too much.
This poem is really sad and it shows an empty presence. It shows that you have no one there celebrating with you and really just makes the poem feel as empty as intended. A sad, quiet empty. The one that kinda just accepts it, you know?
I really love your word choice and I can't wait to see more! I am sorry that this was so short but I can't wait to see more! You have amazing potential!
Stay amazing! Stay writing! Happy review day!!
Love,
Hop
Thank youuu
Hi there!
I think there are some really interesting things going on here, and the poem packs a punch. It was not exactly what I was expecting, and I love that, because it was a nice surprise!
I think one of the biggest successes in this poem is the thematic imagery and the continuity of it. There are mentions of all those things one might expect at a birthday party - cake, candles, flowers, a gift - but in totally unexpected ways. And, as I wrote, the continuity of theme is particularly striking as I feel like you have done an excellent job of weaving these images together, which ties up the poem quite nicely.
A personal favourite:
Linked to a dusty box, "echoes of yesterday" brings the reader back to the pre-birthday time, which I am not entirely convinced was any better. In fact, the poem begins (or, at least, in the second line) with "it's that time again", which hints that besides a birthday happening every year, I get the sense that every year, every birthday is met with the same sense of dread.
I absolutely love the line "loneliness ties a ribbon/around my shoulders...". Simple, yet effective.
I do believe that as the poem progresses, it gets stronger. The weakest part, in my opinion, is from lines 8 to 13 ("the room is loud [...] of endless, pathetic poetry"). There is something a bit on the nose about it that doesn't sit well with me, and perhaps it's the lack of imagery and I feel like these lines have the weakest connection to the overall theme.
Overall, I think you have a nicely written piece here that I really enjoyed reading. Well done - I look forward to more from you.
All the best,
Lav
Glad you liked it <3