Young Writers Society

Heya!

Zombies, zombies, I don't know if I like them or not. I do know I like your main character though. Many people (even in movies) like to have their MC a trained soldier who shoots stuff for a living, which is why I like the reality of your character, unsure of the gun (s)he's holding, doing it all for his step-brother.

You have a solid voice in your writing, confident and capable. Your word choice is great, I like the eerieness of (especially) the ending. Only one place where it cracked in my opinion: using "juicy" to describe a zombie's feral hunger for the MC's flesh seems out of place with the rest of the rather dark piece. I suggest switching that up into something less... well, for the lack of a better word, cartoonish.

Overall, I like your swing at the zombie-thing, might even tune in later to see how it's going even though I'm not quite that into these. Keep writing, for sure!

|Life|

Ok, overall it's ok, but I have a few things to say.

First with the good.

I like the repetitive usage of the phrase "me and my gun." It helps keep a survival theme throughout the passage.

I also enjoy the sentence, "Where are the kids flying on their bikes down the street?" It helps exaggerate the difference from the once joyful and energetic streets and now dead, silent, and gloomy neighborhood.

Unfortunately, I like zombie movies/books/stories, but they get old after a while. This has a good storyline from what I can tell, but the whole thing is a bit too cliché for me. So it's not really my thing, but I'm guessing others will enjoy it.

I think it has a sturdy foundation, so keep working at it.

Alright, number 1, I LOVE zombie stories. I think you've done a really good job with this, and I'd really enjoy it if you continued.
I think CeruleanBlaze already mentioned everything, so, please continue. PM me when you come out with a new one.

I've been typing this while I read so they'll be all over the place, but in order:

1). The sentence "Where are the kids flying on their bikes down the street?" thoroughly confuses me. What did you mean by that?

2) Some places are really abrupt and the tenses are mixed up, but you'd fine them after proofreading. Also, maybe the sentences were suppose to abrupt, so sorry if that was the case.

3) Nice ending.

4) Thanks so much for spacing out the paragraphs, it makes it so much nicer to read.

Overall its okay. It gives a twisted and somewhat dark impression so if that was what you were going for, good job. Keep writing!