Hello there.
Popping in to give you a review that missed their 11 o'clock train years ago.
First off, I think this is too short to be a short story, as I don't really see anything finished, or something final happening? I'm perplexed as to what the whole point of this story is, as all I really see is that these characters talk about England and getting drunk and vampires. And I wonder what makes this story meaningful or if you did add to this at some point. If so, that at least makes a little more sense.
Continuing on, this story has a bad case of talking heads, as in characters really only talk and there aren't too many instances of a few expository lines to cut through the dialogue over and over. I think a good idea would be to have more from the narrator between certain sentences, as I'm forgetting that this is even in the first person, which I don't think is a good thing.
One recommendation I have for this story is to definitely break through the endless lines of speaking and give more personality to these characters, including the supposed main character. For instance, the detailed description of only Catherine makes me curious whether that was intentional or just a forgotten moment, as no other characters really got any type of physical details at least.
Overall, I wish that this was longer and that the reader could get a hint of what was important about this conversation and what it means for what the writer wants to show.
That's all I've got for now.
Points: 31520
Reviews: 415
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