Hi hannah0528,
I'm glad to read how Judy apologised to Raymie. And then right away the tension starts to build. I hope the poachers don't get Smokey! Can't wait to see what happens next!
Mailice.
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At recess, Judy approached her.
"I don't believe you. You don't really have a pet squirrel, do you?"
"I do." Raymie replied firmly.
"Really? Where?"
"Down the old dirt road." she answered.
"Can I meet him sometime?"
"You would want to come with me? I thought you didn't like autistic people." she said.
Her face turned red.
"I'm sorry about that. I just used it as an excuse to get you to leave me alone. It isn't just you. I just don't like being around people." she replied, looking at the ground.
"It's okay. I forgive you, if you come with me." she said happily.
"Okay, I will." she said. "When could I come with you?"
"After school."
"Okay." she confirmed, walking away.
She turned her head.
"You know, you don't seem very autistic." she said.
"I am getting better." Ray is said, embarassed.
"Wow, that was really hard. But, I am getting better at this whole socializing thing." Raymie thought.
After school, which ended at 2:00, Raymie and Judy met up. They walked down the old dirt road, Judy's eyes flitting everywhere. Raymie noticed this. Judy was an observer.
They finally got to her tree-house when they heard a gunshot.
Raymie screamed.
"Get down! Duck!" whispered Judy, panicking.
The three poachers walked by. They luckily didn't see the two girls, but the two girls heard one of them say,
"Did you hear that?" said the leader.
"Yes. I bet they ran away by now, though. We ain't got nothin' to worry about." the other replied.
"Okay. We didn't get any squirrels, but at least we got a few birds." said another.
"Yeah. We'll try again tomorrow. I bet we'll get one then." the leader said.
"Squirrels are better than birds. They have more meat, and their fur coats will be useful to make a pouch or something."
They headed off into the distance.
Raymie and Judy waited until they were out of sight to speak.
"You didn't tell me that there were poachers here!" Judy said.
"I didn't know! I'm so sorry." said Raymie, crying.
"Hey, its okay. We have bigger problems to worry about." she said, looking towards the direction that the poachers had went.
"They might kill Smokey! And the birds! What should we do?" cried Raymie.
"Well, we certainly aren't going to give up." declared Judy. "We have to stop them. They can't just come here and kill all of these animals!"
"So what should we do?" asked Raymie.
"We will set traps for them. Protect the animals with whatever we can. We will try to be polite first"
"But what if that doesn't work?" Raymie interrupted.
"Then, we will fight. Hard." she said angrily. "We will protect them, we will win. We might not be able to do it without playing tough, but we will succeed. We have too."
Hi hannah0528,
I'm glad to read how Judy apologised to Raymie. And then right away the tension starts to build. I hope the poachers don't get Smokey! Can't wait to see what happens next!
Mailice.
ok. so let me find some mistakes of yours-
"I don't believe you. You don't really have a pet squirrel, do you?"
"It's okay. I forgive you, if you come with me." she said happily.
"I am getting better," she said, embarassed.
"Hey, its okay. We have bigger problems to worry about." she said, looking towards the direction that the poachers had went.
We have too."
Hey Alice is here to give a review
Great work! The diologues were nice. It will be interesting to see what they will do to protect the animals. I just hope that the chapters were a bit more long. And be more descriptive.
Suggestions
"Get down! Duck!" whispered Judy, panicking.
The three poachers walked by. They luckily didn't see the two girls, but the two girls heard one of them say,
"I am getting better." she said, embarassed.
"Hey, its okay. We have bigger problems to worry about."
but we will succeed. We have too."
"Can I meet him sometime?"
"You would want to come with me? I thought you didn't like autistic people." she said.
Her face turned red.
"I'm sorry about that. I just used it as an excuse to get you to leave me alone. It isn't just you. I just don't like being around people." she replied, looking at the ground.
"It's okay. I forgive you, if you come with me." she said happily.
"Then, we will fight. Hard." she said angrily. "We will protect them, we will win. We might not be able to do it without playing tough, but we will succeed. We have too."
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