Chapter 1
The beginning
Fletcher
I can’t believe my sister is dragging me to work with her for some ridiculous “introduction.” Seriously, Lia? You’re 18, not five. I never asked to play tour guide. But here I am, praying she doesn’t embarrass me in front of Whitney. Whitney is the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, and she works at Big Hammer, the burger joint where I flip patties for minimum wage. Asking her out feels like climbing Everest without gear—impossible and terrifying.
“Fletch! Hurry up!” Lia yells from the bottom of the stairs, her voice pitched high like a siren. Ugh.
“Okay, okay, I’m coming!” I shout back, racing down the steps.
When we finally arrive at Big Hammer, the smell of sizzling burgers wafts through the air, mixing with the faint scent of greasy fries. I glance at the neon sign flickering above the door—why is it called Big Hammer when it’s just a burger place? No one knows, and frankly, no one cares to ask.
As we walk in, I spot my best friend John behind the cash register. His face lights up the moment he sees Lia. Great. Just what I need—my sister and my best friend acting like they’re in some cheesy rom-com. John has had a crush on Lia since the first grade, and despite my best efforts, I can’t figure out why. She breezes past him, eyes wide with wonder.
“Oh my gosh, this place is SO much better than you explained!” she exclaims, glancing around as if she’s just walked into Disneyland.
I can’t help but roll my eyes. I didn’t explain much—just that it’s a burger joint. I mean, what else is there to say? Still, I can’t sabotage her interview. Not that I want her working here anyway; I’m sure she’ll hate it within five days.
She catches my eye, a radiant smile plastered across her face. “You won’t think that in a couple of days,” I say, half-joking.
“Why would I? This place is like heaven!” she insists, beaming. I glance at John, who’s still staring at her like she’s the last slice of pizza at a party.
“Well, if you get hired, I’m not training you. John is,” I tease, trying to hide my smirk. John’s eyes widen in horror, but there’s a flicker of hope behind them.
“Thanks, man,” he mutters under his breath as Lia pulls out her phone, adjusting her long blond braids in front of the camera, completely oblivious to the situation.
While we wait for Lia’s interview, John leans in. “So, have you talked to Whitney yet?”
I sigh, my gaze dropping to my scuffed sneakers. “No way. I’d just start rambling nonsense.”
John shakes his head, his expression a mix of disbelief and concern. “You’re overthinking it, dude. Just go for it.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mumble, forcing a smile that probably looks more like a grimace. “I’ve got to go. You should offer my sister a ride home. I’m not feeling up to it today. The world’s greatest brother strikes again.”
“Yeah, I can do that,” John replies, his concern softening into something more manageable.
I push myself up from the booth, taking a deep breath before heading out the door. The moment I step outside, I make my way to the side of the building. My hands tremble slightly as I sink to the ground, trying to steady my breath. What am I doing? I can’t keep avoiding this.
But there’s still Whitney, just a few steps away, and I’m still just me—a guy terrified of stepping out of his comfort zone.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Side note, I love the name Fletcher! I have a friend named Fletcher and I've never met anyone else with that name so that was a good find for a name!! Very intriguing and definitely gives main character energy.
The characters: Okay let's break this down
Fletcher -- I love his attitude toward his sister. I know that sounds insane but that is very attractive for a male character to act REAL. So good work. He seems quite desperate for Whit which was a little bit of a turn-off based on him only describing her looks, so keep in mind that. And I'll also note that it would be nice to see Fletcher have some nice moments with his sister because she obviously cares about him. Maybe later their relationship will deepen so I'll stay aware for that. I also want to know the age of Fletcher because if his sister is eighteen and younger I'd love to know how much younger.
John-- I'm excited to see his growth. He acts like a good friend and a REAL character. One problem is that I like him more than the actual main character Fletcher, but with character growth, I'm sure I'll appreciate Fletcher more with time.
Whitney -- Right now, in your story, she is the prize. She is the focal point of the book and the goal that Fletcher is trying to obtain. This makes her seem irresistible, but it would be interesting if you threw in a couple flaws of hers that the reader may see, but Fletcher wouldn't, which shows that a couple mistakes aren't going to dampen the large crush that he currently has on her.
Lia -- Classic little sister. She is a very important focal point in the story and her charismatic and oblivious energy can make her a hilarious character in the long run. She's one of those characters that may get lost along the line in the romance, but I think she'd a good one to remain focused on because she seems hilarious and like the perfect little sister for Fletcher. I love her already.
I like the setting of your restaurant and his sister applying for the job will bring character development toward their brother and sister relationship which I would love to see more of with time. The setting is real, and the characters are already jumping out of the book at me like they're real - which is a good sign. If the readers love the characters, the readers love the book.
Overall, I'm interested and would definitely not put the book down just yet.
-Jane Amelia
Tysm!!
Good afternoon! I saw you doing reviews so I decided to put your chapter on my list and now I’m here :3
As in that she’s all dressed up for her interview and how Fletcher feels that such a wasted effort considering where she wants to start working or smthing?I really like how we’re immediately getting so much personality from our narrator! I also feel like I don’t mind so much that you rarely describe anything because it seems to fit his narration style so well! (Although I do not like the name Fletcher. Sorry to all the Fletchers in the world but this name just *shudders*) Lia is neat though!
I just wish you would have told us more about what Lia means by an “introduction”. I gather that she wants to get a tour of Fletcher’s work place…? But I’m not sure.
*reads on* Wait she also wants to work there? @.@ Ok maybe you really, really should clarify that. Maybe you could describe her appearance here:
That’s a neat phrasing: “ who’s still staring at her like she’s the last slice of pizza at a party.”
I feel like you didn’t really set up that ending of the chapter very well. Why is he even leaving so soon? Bc Whitney is there? The emotion seems a bit melodramatic and I feel like the writing lacks description at times
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Hello! I literally JUST made an acc on this whole website buuut I'll still review this anyways xd okay, so I really love your way of writing, it makes the whole story pretty interesting ngl. As for the the other stuff; it's pretty solid, although, I do think that your descriptive skills need a little workshopping. i think actually getting to use the description and just picture what some of the characters actually look like can go a long way. Oh! And I do kinda wish that the story was a bit longer. So, besides those two things, the story was well-written and interesting!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Fletcher takes his 18 year old sister, Lia, out to Big Hammer for a job. He’s annoyed with her, but at least his crush, Whitney, will be around. Maybe he’ll be able to be honest with Whitney…hmm…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I’m not sure how old John is, but I’m assuming he’s around the same age range as Lia. I think that more descriptions with the characters would be nice, but tis’ just a thought.
Chocolate Bar - I like that last sentence showing how Fletcher is scared to be completely honest with his feelings about Whitney, it gives a sense of vast hopelessness. The way Fletcher talks in this chapter feels like we’re in his head or that he’s talking to us, which in my opinion, makes the story feel more real.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fun little first chapter! I will be sure to read more of it if you post anything else and I’m excited to see who Whitney is and why Fletcher likes her. Now, I must go! But before I go…
I wish you a magnificent day/night! ^v^
Awww thank you!
you%u2019re welcome!