Immense bitterness (among other things (such as hatred (certain type of hatred)))

There is a sadness to this piece that I find very enchanting? If that would be the word to use at this moment, but I also enjoy the imagery very much as well. A lone player sitting playing out their soul for the world to see and hear. I especially love the use of the Swan. The whole play on the "swan song", the last song that final moment that people get to use as a means of showing the world their best. To show everyone what they might have missed out on. Very well done and I look forward to reading more from you.

Hello there AnonAccount, The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your work! I must warn you that I am a little rusty though, I haven't reviewed in quite some time. I will try my absolute best though to be helpful =)

First off let me start with the structure of the poem then work onto my thoughts from there - Your first paragraph was very well written and I loved the rhythm to it. Good job!
- Your second paragraph flowed very well, but I just suggest that you switch this around. You wrote -
filled with disappointment and dread
the thoughts that are in my head.

I suggest you switch the two sentences around. So its like -
The thoughts that are in my head,
are filled with disappointment and dread.


Switching it just makes it flow a bit better and it sounds more....professional.

- Your third paragraph, I found, was just a little choppy. I don't know why but when I read it, it took me a couple seconds because it sounded different from the rest of your poem....
-Finally your fourth paragraph was very well written and I didn't find anything wrong with it =) Good job!


Second off, my thoughts - The subject of your poem was something always written about (writing or playing a song when your sad), but that is okay because it is natural for most human beings to turn to music when they need help or therapy as some people like to call it. I myself have even written quite a few songs or poems about it!
Your poem was unique in a crowd of written poems about music because you brought in the swan. Good job with being unique! You poem was kind of like one person in a crowd of people - same subject but unique. I loved it and look forward to reading more of your work!


That's all I have for you know!

The Silent Bagpipe signing off!

Hey, this is joallover with an awesome review day review!
I really love love love the imagery in this!
If I have this right, swans are an image of pure beauty. As you hesitate to express your views, your pain and hurt, by the time it emerges from your mouth, all the beauty is gone and it seems as though it had no point.
That is sadly beautiful.
Okay, back to reality. I have some nitpicks.
I would really hate if this sounded mean or offensive, but the rhyme scheme mixed with the line length sounded a bit like the structure of a limerick in my opinion. This is a real simple fix though! Adding a bit more length to the lines will fix it, although, again, in my opinion, the rhyming was a tad bit excessive. If you could find a way to add a line in between the rhymes, or even just lengthening the lines could fix that as well.
One more thing, in the end, you say "Here I am singing a song".
This could make an awesome alliteration! Maybe "singing a silent song" or something more appropriate to your liking? Just a suggestion!
Anyways, I just wanted to say again how beautiful the imagery was and how it made the meaning behind the words come to life and touch the reader in such a beautiful way. It really is beautiful.
Keep going, you're on a good path. Stay on it!
-joallover

Hello!
I think we can all relate to the message behind this. People trying to "prove" themselves using the same worn out arguments. Very relatable to today and the issues going on today.
I thought you were able to convey this message very concisely and directly without beating a dead horse. The reader still has to infer what the meaning is, but once they understand, it's pretty easy to get.

Usually I don't like rhyme, and even this rhyme is a little bit forced, but I think it kind of fits with the satire of it all. It sounds good too. My only thing is that "swan" and "song" don't really rhyme to me. Also the first stanza has a different rhyme pattern than the other ones. But for what it is, I don't think you need to worry about it too much. Now if you were trying to write some sort of epic poem, we might be having a couple problems.

I think this poem would be a lot better with some consistent rhythm. As it is right now, it's kind of awkward to say it out loud because you're never sure where to put the stresses etc. It just sounds a bit awkward.

the thoughts that are in my head.