This is the prophecy of the Shadowsong for my novel, Shadowsong (so original, right?). It's maybe the fourth version of the song, but keep in mind I'm not a poet. I write prose, not poems. Anyways, this needs to keep the content and it is meant to be vague or have double-meanings in some places, so if you're confused about something or unsure of it's meaning, keep that in mind.
Enjoy,
Feather
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“Into Darkness the angel will fall,
giving in to an ancient call.
Borne of shadows, lived in light,
her heart lies in the midst of night.
Open wide the raven’s feathers spread,
calling forth the feel of dread.
On wings of death and shadows nigh,
she possesses the future’s eye.
“Under skeletal trees of a red night,
with a blood moon shining bright,
A raven hatched with the power,
to see through all no matter the hour,
be it of the brightest night,
or it be of darkest light.
“Blade of Darkness, Blade of Light,
pierce the shadows of the night.
When the time comes of shadow’s reign,
with their power Chaos can be slain.
The Seer who’s eye can see through all,
has to decide whether the worlds shall fall,
and if they do it will be lost,
but forever it will repay the cost,
for the land of pure bright,
and the one of shadow’s might,
will survive this one and all,
when into Darkness the angel falls.”
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Hello!
The title drew me in and I love angel stories. However, I'm not very good at reviewing poetry because I don't really write it and know about rules and structure and stuff... But I shall try to be helpful!
So, I understand this is a song for a novel you've written which I am going to check out because colour me intrigued.
Right, first off, I like the stanzas. They read well, not too clumpy. But I do think:
'for the land of pure bright' should be 'pure light'? Maybe you didn't want to use 'light' again but 'pure bright' doesn't read right because it would be pure bright light...
Right, I'm going to try and guess the plot of the novel by this song. Here goes nothing!
So... there is a Seer who is like a prophet..? A fallen angel prophet..? Who is omniscient and pretty much has the fate of the world (angel world?) on their shoulders. There is an evil angel(?) called Chaos who they have to defeat(?) but the fight will have loads of consequences and they have to figure out if defeating Chaos is worth all the destruction...
Am I at all close? Haha.
Well, Raven (the MC, fallen angel) can is a Seer (can see the future). She is omniscient and does have the fate of the world (not only the angel one) on her shoulders. There is an evil demon (Cornix) who if she decides to side with, the world will fall into unbalance and chaos. But if she sides with the angels and returns balance, there will be consequences, though ultimately it is for the better. So you were actually pretty close!
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
“Hello there featherstone9086!
I think only one word can describe this poem: wonderful!
This poem is enjoyable and eye catching from the first line to the last.
I want to give you a little advice concerning a few areas here and there.
The first stanza is rich in content, style and imagery.
I simply enjoy the rythm brought about by the rhyming words you have used, this has made the poem to be 'musical'. If this poem is going to feature in your novel, it will help break the monotony of prose.
I have noticed that each stanza is enclosed within quotation marks. I want to assume that if this poem is appearing in the novel, it is being recited/ sang by someone, hence the need for quotation marks.
The punctuation in the second and last stanza does not feel right to me. I think you have overused the commas. I could however be wrong since English is not my first language. I hope another reviewer will clarify this issue.
All in all, this poem is pleasant to the mind and the soul. Keep on writing poems. You are a good poet.
Thank you for pointing out the punctuation. I'll go and bother some of my other friends and see if they can clarify the problem for me. You're probably right- I do have a tendency to use to many commas. Thanks for taking the time to read and review!