the flower of light reaches out to me,
glistening onto my skin, into my veins,
giving me melanin, giving me meaning.
i ask you to define me and you acquiesce.
i’m no poet, i just put lines and sentences together. at least, that’s what i told her. she laughed at me and insisted i was “the most poetic person she’d ever met.” this comes shortly off the heels of a rage-induced weep that began from feeling… less than creative i’ll say.
yet, when she punctuates her sentence, i can’t help but think i pressured her into this.
every time i end a segment,
it repeats, which then redefines it,
something more cyclical, which enrages me.
confines don’t fit within my mind.
so i rage and i rage, but not at her, i refuse to appear that way to anyone. i’m no kid anymore, i contain my anger yet not my passion. i continue on before i take my pen to my paper and decide that it’s my time to define. i won’t stutter nor will i hesitate. i
declared what i want, because i can
an illusion, a truth, neither matters
simply because it is,
simply because i can.
so when i cease ability,
when i stop being capable, when i can’t,
i stop, the me in me ceases,
i refuse to lose that option.
that illusion, i grasp it tightly,
childhood memories in hand,
letting go of this means i let go of…
of this esoteric,
this masterful,
this warm-hearted,
this cold-blooded,
this crisis-consistent,
this emotional…
poet.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Good morning!
I was intrigued by your summary, it feels very poetic!
I really like the flow of your work. It feels like it sits in the middle of poetry and a dream-like flow-of-consciousness story. It reads very well and I feel quite immersed!
I especially like this line: “i can’t help but think i pressured her into this” Is this the person the lyrical narrator speaks to in the poetry sections? The one they asked to “give meaning”, I wonder?
I also like the idea of repeating after a segment ends!
And the reference to “now I’m the one doing the defining” when before, they asked others to do it for them!
That said I find the phrase “but not at her” a bit… flow-breaking in this segment ;3
Hm I have trouble envisioning what you mean by this: “so when i cease ability,”
That is such a good line: “the me in me ceases“ I know it is a repetition but I rly like it :3
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the shocking S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This poet creates but does not see themselves as a poet. But a girl sees the beauty in the rage and yet that does not help the poet and their rage one bit.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how all of this is written. I do not think that you intended for a definitive meaning to this, but the way you’ve written it feels like a story. I interpret it as a story about somebody who is praised for their creativity being the “most beautiful thing” but the person who is the poet doesn’t feel that way about themselves because they have lived with this their whole lives and feel like it’s just their feelings on paper and yet they cling onto it because it reminds them of some glimpse of magic they had viewed the world in a long time ago. Those were just my thoughts though!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fantastical piece about the perils and joys of creating! I have enjoyed reading this immensely. If you ever post anything else, then I will be sure to read it! Now…
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^