Hey, Emma! Adrian here for a quick review.
The first thing I really want to comment on is the dream start. It's not new, it's not original, it doesn't bring that much to the table. In fact, it's used mostly as a cheap grab to lure the reader in and hope that they stay even though everything that they've been given is false. How can they read on if everything they just read had little to do with the actual setting and plot? What type of relationship does that create between the author and the reader?
That's all up to the author to decide, but there are multitude of other ways to establish a good beginning alongside with foreshadowing and an entrance into the main character's head. While there might be nothing new under the sun, that doesn't mean that people can't bring refreshing ideas to the table.
Another thing I'd like to bring to attention is the switching between tenses all throughout the entire chapter. The main character is drinking, then they were alone. They turn and face the door, they were so scared. This would probably read much more clearly if a tense could be found and stuck to throughout the entire piece. ^^
As far as characters go, I don't really have all that much to say. The main character is scared, the main character is scared, the main character probably has something to do with dreams. While this might be a look into their head, I haven't really seen all that much. Klaus is probably scary, because of the reaction. Pan also is probably a scary presence. But there isn't that much meat on the bones, so there isn't all that much to say.
I do hope that you'll keep on writing!
~Adrian, Knight of RED
Points: 0
Reviews: 324
Donate