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Morning In The City (Same setting as "Sleepless," unnamed character's POV)

by dahlia58


The tall gray buildings of the city looming over my head from all sides.

The crowds of people buzzing and clattering like traffic on a highway.

The tar-like clouds smearing the morning sky despite the dry weather.

The phone in my bag vibrating non stop as calls and messages flood in.

Yawning sleepily, I'm waiting for the bus, ignoring the sweaty odor and mindless chatter swamping the cramped stop.

The music blaring from my headphones, plus the painful rumbling in my stomach are the only things keeping me awake, just barely.

My daily schedule, which hasn't changed over the past 4 years, almost scrolls out before my eyes.

From 7:15 to 7:50, it's commuting time.

From 7:50 to 11:45, it's nothing but paperwork.

From 12:00 to 12:40, it's lunch time.

From 12:45 to 4:00, it's back to work.

From 4:10 to 4:45, it's commuting time again.

Before I knew it, this routine had become my whole life, just as school had been for 18 years and college for 6.

I admit, there were times when I wondered what I'm doing all this for exactly. Myself, perhaps? Or my parents, my friends, my other relatives? Somehow, I don't think the answer's any of them.

Maybe it's just plain old destiny, then.

Maybe. Who knows?

Anyway, the bus seems to be running late this morning. People around me are staring at their watches, some angrily, others worriedly. A total contrast to the apathy I'm sure is crossing my face right now.

Honestly, I don't care if the bus comes or not. I really don't care if I'm late for work. Heck, I don't even care if I get fired for it, though if possible, I'd like to avoid any needless hassle.

Then again, living's already a hassle anyway. A little more stress won't hurt me in the least. And besides, there's nothing I can do about traffic control anyhow, so no point in getting upset.

As I stare dully into space, my phone vibrates again.

"...Probably from the office again…"

With a sigh, I take it out and look at the screen.

You have 1 new message 

I pull up my inbox, expecting an angry message from my section manager or coworkers about my tardiness. 

It wasn't from either of them.

"Have a nice day at work~!

My shift ends at 3 today, so let's have dinner together, ok?

See u later☆"

"...."

By the time I finish reading, the bus is appearing around the corner. Shoving the phone back into my bag, I start looking for my bus pass while muttering, "Seriously, how can you be so cheerful this early in the morning…?"

Still, I can't help but smile a bit.

The bus has finally pulled up at our stop, and people are boarding one by one. I quickly get on as well. Luckily, there are some empty seats left at the back.

"Guess I gotta work hard today too..."

I sit down just before the bus starts moving again.


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178 Reviews


Points: 1043
Reviews: 178

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Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:41 pm
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EverLight wrote a review...



EverLight here with a review. This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned- you may feel offended anyway

First Impression
Huh. This sounds like life. XD, LOL!! Still neat job.

Nitpicks
You have three nitpicks starting with this sentence-

I don't really care if I'm late to work.


You can replace the word to with for like this-
I don't really care if I'm late for work


Next, and this is more optional I would combine the words lunch time like this-
From 12:00 to 12:40, it's lunchtime.

But it's fine the way it its.

Lastly as Tawsif pointed out you repeated the words exactly-
I admit, there were times when I'd wondered what exactly I'm doing all this for exactly.


Try rewriting it this way-
I admit, sometimes I wonder what I'm doing this all for

You don't really need the word exactly in that context.

Style & Word Choic
Your style is a-okay, but, (I keep reminded other writers of this as well) careful with your formality and word repetition.

Overall you did an awesome job as usual my friend.

EverLight Out




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36 Reviews


Points: 32
Reviews: 36

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Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:30 pm
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Tawsif wrote a review...



I like the idea of this story. In fact, I myself had written a story based on this same idea, more or less.

The humdrum existence in the city affects us all. But we all, at some point, just get used to it. We no longer complain about it. And then, writers like you come up with a story such as this, and reminds us how purposeless our lives are.

I found a few typos here and there. "I admit, there were times when I'd wondered what exactly I'm doing all this for exactly." You repeated the word 'exactly'. "Myself, perhaps?" Here, I guess you're missing the preposition 'for'.

"A total contrast to the apathy I'm sure is crossing my face right now." I didn't get what you meant here. In the previous sentence you mentioned the people were looking at their watches either angrily or worriedly. So what was the expression of the MC's face in contrast with? I just didn't follow.

Finally, I liked this piece. Keep writing.





I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe