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the tragedy of all of us

by chikara



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26 Reviews


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Reviews: 26

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Mon May 10, 2021 11:47 pm
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legendarycomputerpoetry wrote a review...



Hello!

Ah, this is amazing! This is so beautiful. Somehow, you even managed to take something as random as crows and create stunning imagery with them. There is an element of mystery to this poem; something is missing, but that something does not necessarily need to be found. I like the descriptive language that spills into what we are able to imagine as readers. Overall, awesome poem!

LCP ✻




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50 Reviews


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Mon May 10, 2021 6:27 pm
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waywardxwallflower wrote a review...



As with all of your poems, this is absolutely STUNNING. I adore the way you use words and how you draw together all of these ideas to create a story that's very subjective and interpretive. This poem is hauntingly beautiful, and each and every word carries such significance. I especially loved the creativity behind the line, "the same skeleton-peaking-through-skin afternoons". It's chilling, an incredibly haunting line that creates such a vivid image of what you're depicting and the scene described in this poem. I could list so many other lines- all of them are so beautiful- but the last one especially pulls together the poem and continues to add to the sense of beautiful mystery of this poem. AH!!!! sO good.




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51 Reviews


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Sun May 09, 2021 8:23 pm
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aooborromeo wrote a review...



Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review. So let's get started!

POSITIVES:

Wow Wow Wow WOW. This is pure art right here. You are very very talented. Everything here makes sense, and it all sings together in harmony,

Rhythm wise, everything just fits perfectly. It all sounds smooth and eloquent together. That is a skill, that everyone tries to perfect, and you have refined it.

I like to think I am good at spotting good and bad metaphors. The use of crows to allude to the whole background and real message of the poem is pure genius. I love how blunt this is. The mood and theme are not overcrowded with unnecessary figurative language and intricate vocabulary. Everything just works so well, I'm almost jealous.

You must have tons of experience or have taken many classes to create something like this. Every metaphor, simile, and juxtaposition all equally are exquisite.

I love the use of the lack of capitalization, it just works here for some reason. Thank you for keeping the commas and periods. Your poem needed to little bit of structure.

My favorite lines were

i have seen countless murders of crows,
the same skeleton-peaking-through-skin afternoons.


That just immediately drew me in.

and

wearing halos made of cigarette smoke and dandruff.


It's all so well written, well edited, well thought out. I'm jealous. :)

CRITIQUES:
There really isn't much to say. I'm at lost for words, since I pride myself at being good at editing and having a keen eye for this stuff. This is one of the few works that I cannot give any criticisms for.

My only note is just me being nit picky, since I really don't like when poets use & instead of and. It just puts me off personally. I'm just being super picky now. You can keep it or leave it. I'm just being picky, like I said.

Overall, this is so well written and eloquent, I am jealous. It's unfair how well written this is.

Wonderful job!

Keep writing!




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31 Reviews


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Sun May 09, 2021 6:38 pm
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YellowSweater wrote a review...



Beautiful, chilling... "skeleton-peeking-through-skin-afternoons" Is an astonishingly strong, visceral image (I am a huge fan of creating really long nouns from dashes)

I also love the way you begin this poem. It's blunt, but it implies a lot. It definitely leaves me wanting to read more.

And the last line of that first stanza! "Funning from burning buildings & running in familiar circles" The juxtaposition! AH! just amazing, a truly wonderful piece of literary sleight of hand.

I loved the rest of the poem as well. You definitely got the literary sleight of hand down:) I wish I had something to criticize, but I am kind of at a loss! - Wonderful job:)




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18 Reviews


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Sat May 08, 2021 1:04 pm
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HJYoung wrote a review...



Fun fact: crows are smarter than 5th grade math students. So yeah. coupled with the fact that they have superior senses and cooperation, they probably know something...

HJYoung, with a review. I have been inactive for a long while.

Before Reading: Okay, its by chikara, better take a look. Ok no reviews. Better write one.

After reading: Woah.

Now for the review.

Okay, so first of all your metaphors and descriptive language is exquisite.

"Wearing halos made of cigarette smoke and dandruff" is one I liked personally.
How you ended the poem with "i'd want to see the end of that story before it's begun" and how you would like to know why "all the crows are flying away" is, i think, a fitting end to a rather depressing poem, cant lie. Well, I think these crows are a metaphor for something-I dunno what, since I am writing this in the morning and I am not fully awake. No spelling or grammar issues i can see(take it with a grain of salt). 10/10




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448 Reviews


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Sat May 08, 2021 3:44 am
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starlitmind says...



"i'd want to know why all of the crows are flying away"

asdfghjl <33 i love this :)





Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness
— Allen Ginsburg