Young Writers Society

Hi chi, here to review (duh) and I don't feel like doing a long intro so I will start it now <3

I will start by saying I am in love with imagery composed of nature things. The blossoms, flowers, deep water, outside light etc. You seem to introduce them step by step, which is a quite nice technique of not overwhelming the reader with a huge amount of information at the start. You also didn't stop only at visual images but actually continued by adding some tactile and auditory images, which is another thing I love in a poem, best contained in the word DIVERSITY.
The line that stood out the most to me as in how cool and playful it is is the "i feel like
diving off a rock holding a stone,". I like how you create the sense of depth and familiarity with presenting two elements that are in a relation (big rock, small stone)

I am not a fan of the chaotic nature of this poem. It sure is a free verse one, and the feature of free verse poems is their rule breaking nature, however, in this poem it feels quite disharmonious. You sometimes add some details that are frankly not needed like the "after work" from "in the cherry blossoms yesterday" and you sometimes overcrowd the line "i say "i could die in a week" out loud to". What helps me correct this in my poems is rereading it after I wrote it, not aloud or something, just to spot out some bits that step on their toes.

I conclude by repeating what I said in my first paragraph that I love it. Keep writing and good luck in RevMo <333

This is good I don't know why I just appreciate the ghost in the mirror line and the last two lines very good

This is an interesting poem. It’s very well written. From the beginning I like the way you take natural phenomena and give them a twist, a second meaning. “ I have already showered and you are some rain”. What a great way to describe someone who has hurt you. And then I like the way you go from telling this person to stop making you cry to remembering parts of your early childhood. When people are emotionally touched by something they often go back to their earliest selves. Then the tone changes from vulnerable to firm and resolved. The lines “ I want to try hard at things and be uncool and get off my ass” really show a turning point I think. There is hope and a kind of dignity in the straightforwardness of the lines. But then, there is another twist, because in the next stanza, you suddenly realize that this person is actually so low that they are contemplating suicide. The person keeps repeating “I feel a bit settled” almost like some sort of a mantra against losing their mind in the depth of all their emotions. But wait! There is still one more turn, and this is the one I like best. Just as this person is hitting rock bottom, the light turns on, and they suddenly see this beautiful blossom, the plant they always wanted to have. And suddenly they realize that what they need to do is lose control in order to actually achieve emotional equilibrium. Throughout the rest of the poem they have been bucking up, shutting the feelings up in order to feel strong. However those past two lines say, maybe you don’t have to try so hard, maybe you don’t have to be in control all the time. Maybe to really be well, you have to sometimes just wait - and let yourself feel the things you feel.