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The Friend

by bluecows


My sister wrote this one but doesn't have an email dress to set up a username (i told her to make one up, but whatever). Please comment (she's only 12 by the way and I didn't interfere with it much), thanks!

~blue (and her little sis)~ :wink:

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

I sat in the sand pit with her best friend Mandy, watching the sun set behind her huge home, and sighed with happiness.

"I don't think we should be friends any more Laverne." announced Mandy.

I went pale, and felt tears pricking my eyes.

"But... but why? I don't understand..." I stammered, and then said bitterly, "It was your mum, wasn't it? She used to be so kind, why doesn't she like me any more?"

"Oh, Laverne, please don't cry!" pleaded Mandy, "It's just that, well, don't you think this is a bit odd? Nobody else has friends like you."

"So what? We've always been friends, ever since we can remember. It would be wrong to stop now."

I grabbed her arm, I was desperate. She couldn't abandon be, she just couldn't!

"Let go Laverne, you're hurting me!" whimpered Mandy, and I was making red marks on her skinny arms, but I didn't care, I didn't want her to go.

"No! Promise that you’ll stay my friend!” I yelled.

“Get off me!” screamed Mandy. She slapped me across my face and I shoved her, hard. She burst into tears and wailed loudly.

“Shut up!” I hissed, but her brother was already making his way across the garden. I hid behind the rose bushes.

“Are you alright?” I heard him say.

“Laverne pushed me over.”

Her brother sighed. “I don’t see her.”

He picked her up and headed towards the house, with me silently following.

It was night, and Mandy still wouldn’t talk to me. She crept into bed and turned off the light.

“Mandy?”

Silence.

“I’m sorry that I pushed you today.”

Mandy sniffed.

“Can we still be friends?”

Mandy groaned. “Laverne! Why don’t you get it?” she cried. “I don’t want to be your friend any more!”

Some thing inside me went hard and cold. She was going to be my friend weather she liked it or not, and nobody better get in my way…

I stood outside Mandy’s school, watching the children laughing and playing inside. Mandy had just emerged from the school building, clutching her lunch box to her chest.

I had never been to her school before, and to be honest I was scared. Maybe I should just go back to the house…

“Hey Mandy, old buddy, old pall!” someone called, and Mandy sprinted to a table filled with smiling girls. My expression went grim. That was my name for her!

Silently, I entered the school and crept underneath Mandy’s table. For half an hour I listened to the girls talking, and formulated a plan. When the girls returned from going to the toilets, they had some very unpleasant surprises waiting for them.

“Yuck! There’s a worm in my cookie!”

I chucked. The Plan was coming along well.

Suddenly, three of the girls leaned over and was violently sick all over the tarmac. I heard the sound of laboured breathing above me.

“What’s wrong Helen?” somebody said.

“I’m…having a…asthma attack!” wheezed Helen. “Can’t… find… inhaler!”

All of the girls screamed suddenly and leapt from the table, itching their bottoms and howling with pain. All apart from Mandy.

I reached out and put a tin of worms, a packet of vomiting powder, Helen’s inhaler and a clump of the straw that she was so violently allergic to, and a packet of itching powder into Mandy’s lunch box.

Now Mandy had to be my friend, she had none left.

With a smile, I crept out of Mandy’s school, leaving Mandy to deal with the chaos.

“Mandy, we’re very disappointed in you.” said Mandy’s father gravely.

“But Daddy! I wasn’t me, it was Laverne!” protested Mandy.

Mandy’s Mother looked like she was about to cry. She had when the school had phoned her to inform her that her ‘precious little darling’ wasn’t so perfect after all.

“Go and swim in the pool, dear,” she said weakly. “Daddy and I need to talk.”

Distraught, the poor girl did what she was told, and sat by the pool. Mandy burst into tears.

“Don’t cry Mandy.” I said, sitting down next to her. “I’m still your friend.”

“I hate you Laverne!” she screamed. “I hate you!”

I gasped. “Don’t say that…”

“Well it’s true!” she hissed. “You do things, scary things that you shouldn’t be able to. If you were really my friend, you would let me go. You freak me out.”

“Please Mandy…” I pleaded, but she shoved me into the pool and then waded in after me.

At first I thought she wanted to play, but the I saw the demented fury in her eyes, and began to be afraid. Be very afraid.

Mandy reached out and fastened her hands around my neck, and then plunged me under water, silencing me desperate screams.

I tried to struggle, but she was too strong, and I couldn’t get free.

I’m sorry Mandy, I thought as my life ebbed away, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…

Mandy…

For my imaginary friend, whom I killed.


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Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:48 am
fraey wrote a review...



Hello there.

Popping in to give a much-deserved review, even if it's taken a long time.

First off, I think that what is lacking here is a more laid-out plot. Especially in short stories, a good idea would be to make a plan on how/what you want it to end on. Whether it's something scary to stay with the readers, an interesting idea that could inspire others, or just a too-sweet romantic gesture, it's good to want to do something further with a short story. The idea is to have a reason for making it only a thousand words instead of a fledged-out novel.

This story sounds more like it's taking place in the middle of a scene, as there's not too much build-up to the "I don't want to be friends anymore" line. I'm guessing that those words are supposed to elicit some sympathy for the main character, but as of right now, I'm having trouble really connecting with her. One of the reasons for the disconnect is I don't know anything about her.

All I know is that other girls (age? I can only guess that they're close to your sister's age, but it'd be nice to know for sure) think she's weird, which is harsh but does seem plausible after what she does to Mandy. I think that a good idea would be to take this idea of a girl apparently having an imaginary friend, but then thinking that Mandy could be a real person? As did she drown herself, if the other girl isn't real? That's diabolical.

Overall, I want to know more about these characters before they start throwing around accusations and deciding to take revenge.

That's all I've got, for now, I guess.




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Mon Jul 18, 2005 2:00 pm
bluecows says...



i'll tell her, thanks

have a nice day
bluecows :wink:




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Sun Mar 20, 2005 4:38 am
Willow says...



I agree with Emm, something isn't right. Perhaps if she explained more about what Laverne did to freak Mandy out and why she suddenly decided they couldn't be friends anymore. I think she should flesh it out a bit more.
Otherwise it was pretty good




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Thu Mar 17, 2005 7:03 pm
Emma wrote a review...



Nice, did you kill your friend? Meanie!

It was good, though something isn't right about it. I think the others might think that to, and if they do then they will be able to tell you, so you can tell your sister. :D





If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
— Woodrow Wilson