When you’re down,
When you’re lost,
Think of me.
Think of what we had,
And what we lost.
Think of what we almost were.
Think of me,
How I used to be.
Think of us,
How we used to be.
Think of how we could have been.
Think of how we were meant to be.
Don’t forget,
Don’t forget me.
Don’t forget who you are.
Don’t forget what we’re fighting for.
Don’t forget who we were.
Don’t forget who we almost are.
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I think it's a good poem. It seems like the beginning is a clam tone with a quiet plea and at the end is more of a desperate instruction- and I guess for some people who have a disease, when the end is nearer they don't want to leave their loved ones. So I reckon that kind of fits. But I agree with cadmium, it could fit so many other senarios that everyone will see it a different way.
But I like the repetition- it's very in your mind, sticks.
The problem here is that this poem would fit in the setting given above, dying partner and all. Unfortunately, it could fit in many others. Why be so general when you're describing a personal scene like a loved one saying goodbye? Why not go into this scene? What is the person dying of? How long have they loved each other? What do they have to remember? What color are the walls? Be specific and be personal. It will be much more attractive to the reader and much less like a Hallmark card.
Colleen
EDIT: The title made me think of Phantom of the Opera. *sings* Think of me, think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye!
I also like the last line.
Well the actual story behind this is that it is what a person who's dying of a disease is saying to their partner.
Basically they don't want their partner to forget them.
The reason why it's still a good thing to think about the relationship even though it's over is because it was still a wonderful powerful thing, and simply by remembering that things like this can exist should make the person feel a little stronger. Plus if the partner could cope with losing this love, they should be able to cope with anything life throws at them.
That's the theory anyway. Plus it's also about the fact that if you've lost a part of yourself, all you have to do is think about the time when you were whole and that will be your guide.
It's pretty good. Nothing too bad, except, if someone's down, why would they want to think of what they had and lost?
Wouldn't that make things worse...
"What we lost.
What we almost were." - Comma, not full stop in the middle.
"Think of me,
How I used to be.
Think of us,
How we used to be." - I think you are trying to add some deep, powerful repetition here which adds to the mood etc. but it just sounds bad.
I just think that you start with "When" in the first stanza then work from there, start with "think" in the second and "don't forget" in the third. To be honest its just too sentimental and repetitive to me, I didn't really like it.