Young Writers Society

Hello hello. You probably won't see this.

So first of all, not really a story? It technically would be better suited as a poem if you were to want to classify it as something, especially with the formatting and enjambment choices I've seen. There isn't really a big difference between the two of them if you want to get into it, but mostly it's seen as stories are more story-telling narratives and have room to grow plot-wise. Now, a poem can do that too, but the language choices are oftentimes different because it's meant to seem more lyrical or close together in theme.

Okay, with that beside us, let's get into my comments.

I am looking for a girl

she changed

That was one of the shortest story's I have read. But it was really good and powerful

Although this is short, it is really powerful and enables you to really think about it. It isn't full of unnecessary information and really gets straight to the point, which I like. I do think that it should be classified as a poem, although I'm glad it wasn't because then I wouldn't have come across it I would've liked it to have been a little bit longer just because I enjoyed it so much but I can see why you've made it this length. I like the simplicity of the language used as it makes it more raw and thoughtful rather than masking the feelings with complicated words. A great short storm/poem! well done and keep writing!

This is kind of weird, I kinda liked it, but not fully. This is to short for me, it has no idea to it, it doesn't really tell a story at all! I don't like to be negative when I review, because all work is good, it is just kinda short.

Another issue is that there is no punctuation, it is just run-on. I know you said it should be poetry, but I think it needs some more thought to it first.

Okay, I know you might feel kinda bad now, but don't because some work just needs more work than others, this happens to be one. I like the idea that it is a missing girl, but add some details! Please!!!

Write more and be a better writer with this, don't be discouraged, just use this and remember it!!

Honestly this is a poem, straight out.

It's short and simple and to the point. It has a few issues I would like to address, first, the lack of grammar anywhere, sometimes a writer can make that work, but in this case it just confuses the reader.
Second, while reading it its hard to find a particular rhythm.

While this is a poem that is very short, I can see you meant it to tell a story. The story is easy to find and saddening so you have done well on envoking feeling. I commend you on that.

This is literally nothing but a poem. It is sort of a short story but it's more of a poem thing.

I really liked it. There is only one problem.

that used to have a smile on her face every time I saw her

that used to have a smile on her every time I saw her

that used to always have a smile on her beautiful face every time I glanced at her