So this is an essay I wrote for AP European History, if anybody could review it based solely on the writing and not the opinions expressed, that would be great, as this was the easiest side to argue. My writing feels like it needs improvement and I need to figure out how ToT. Thanks!
Before the Revolution, three Estates existed in France, which were made up of the clergy in the first Estate, the noblemen in the second Estate, and the commoners in the third Estate. Although the third Estate made up over 90% of France's population, it only had one vote. Because of this, it could easily be outvoted by the other two estates, which were made up of the most powerful people in French society. Because of France's involvment in the American Revolution, it had many debts piled up that needed to be paid through taxes. Understandably, the first and second Estates allied, and voted to put all of the taxes upon the third Estate, which they could not combat because of their single vote. This unfairness in the legislation of the government was a main initiator of the French Revolution, as it left most of France's population poor and starving.
After the initial overthrow of the monarchy, many changes occured to try and fix the broken government and society. While some changes made did not align with Revolution ideals, the time period from 1789 to 1794 upholds the orinigal ideas of the French Revolution through the importance of human rights and equality, demonstrated by the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen, the Letter of a Citizen to His Fellow Jews, the painting titled "All Mortals are Equal; it is not Birth but Virtue that Makes the Difference," as well as the new French Constitution.
The Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen, henceforth reffered to as the Declaration, was a founding document drafted during the Tennis Court Oath, where the third Estate split from the French government. Document 1, which is an excerpt from the Declaration, goes over several of the first few points stated in the document. A main theme repeated over much of the Declaration is human rights, which were a main point of the French Revolution. The aformentioned Estates system had much unequality, and through the first rule, which states that men are free and equal in rights, that unequality was removed. The document goes on to explain how the government's main job is to ensure the presence of rights and equality in the nation, which was the complete opposite to the pre revolution government, where the King and his Noblemen took away rights and equality in order to control people. The document also states that the free speech of man is one of the most important rights present, which is a big change from pre Revolution laws. Before the Revolution, the King and his assistants would punish people for any speech against the monarchy, no matter how small or inconsequential. This new allowment of free speech was monumental, as it showed the true upholding of Revolutionary ideals post Revolution.
The French Constitution, ratified in 1791, was the official ruling document of France as stated by the National Assembly. An excerpt of the Constitution is provided in Document 3, which has a few defining paragraphs written in the Constitution. The first right stated is that all men are allowed to hold office and employment only based upon their virtues and talents, which is a direct contrast to the former policies and supports the ideals of the Revolution. Before the overthrow of the government, positions of power were given in alignment with your familial status in the government, with essentially all leaders or politicians being allowed power as a result of nepotism. However, the new government after the Revolution allowed for people with skill and perserverance to make it into power, even if they came from a poorer family. The second right stated, which is that all taxes should be given to people equally and in proportion to their wealth, is also a reflection of the ideals of the Revolution. After the abolition of the Estates system, a new form of taxation was enacted, where people were taxed equally and fairly, which was in stark contrast to the taxation that occured before the Revolution.
Document 4, Letter of a Citizen to His Fellow Jews, written by Berr Isaac Berr in 1791, further proves the upholding of Revolutionary ideals during this time period. Written from the perspective of a French Jewish man, it is a celebration of the Revolution that states that the Jewish are now Frenchmen, and must support and help their new government in all ways possible. During the time before the revolution, battles between Catholocism and Protestantism caused a plethora of religious persecution in Europe, with all people not belonging to the current religion of majority being punished. The Jewish were included in this persecution, and they were often discriminated against and punished for their veiws. After the overthrow of the government, religious pluralism was emphasized. Importance was placed upon allowing rights to people of all religions, and laws against religious perseccution were enacted, with a good example being found in Document 1, the Declatration, which states that no man should be harassed because of his opinions, including religious views.
Lastly, Document 7, titled "All Mortals are Equal; it is not Birth but Virtue that Makes the Difference," is a painting that expresses an anonomous author's opinion on the abolition of slavery in the French colonies. After the French Revolution, new lawmakers made several changes to the operations of Frecnh colonies, with the most prominent one being the elimination of slavery. This painting, which depicts an African man, meant to represent a former slave, holding a copy of the Declaration, shows the positive opinions of the French on this new law. As equal treatment of men was a main pillar of the Revolution, this change is a big indication of the continuation of Revolutionary ideals into the time period after the revolution.
As can be seen by multiple of the provided documents, Revolutionary ideals were upheld in the time period from 1789 to 1794 in multiple ways, and it is safe to say that the Revolution had a massive impact upon the new laws and regulations present after the Revolution.
PDF of sources: https://apcentral.collegeboard.org/media/pdf/ap25-frq-european-history-set-1.pdf
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Alright, most chaotic of us all, it is he 12 Days of Reviewing 2025 and I guess I am gonna try my hand at reading an essay now xd
I have a hard time parsing this. Maybe you could split it up before the examples come in. And maybe spent a sentence each explaining the examples?Also I am ready to learn!
Already I feel like the first sentence is too long. I feel like you could have just ended the 1st sentence after “existed in France”.
Then you repeat “made up”, first by going over the three Estates and then for the proletarians. Could you maybe work with “formed” instead?
Next, you have two sentences back to back start with “Because”. A rephrasing of either would work wonders.
Notice how this is all one sentence?
Is “reffered“ a word? oô
And there is a dash missing here: “ the pre revolution government”. Also you need consistency in how you refer to these things. Are you capitalizing revolution or not? “from pre Revolution laws“
Is views a word or did you mean views here: “ punished for their veiws“
I had to scoff reading that the French declared slavery illegal, given what happened with Haiti a few years later.
Alright I don’t know what else to say. I learnt a bit and you used scientific language… so uhm success? ^^°
hello hello!
I actually took AP Euro a long time ago, so I remember this all too well. Then, I used all of my knowledge to go on to teach AP Human Geography - neat stuff! As far as I'm concerned, I think I know a bit about France.
Your core argument (revolutionary ideals of equality and human rights were upheld between 1789 and 1794) is clear, defensible, and sustained throughout the essay. That is really the main kicker of how you score/if your essay is reputable for AP standards. You frame the Third Estate’s grievances as foundational to revolutionary change, which is factual and creates a LOGICAL throughline that ties social inequality before 1789 to all of the reforms afterward. You have a rather solid contextual knowledge of pre-Revolutionary France, particularly in its explanation of the Estates system, voting inequalities, tax burdens, etc. It is, of course, a bonus to actually understand the material.
While the argument is coherent, though, I think it tends to present revolutionary ideals as largely uncontested - you miss an opportunity to introduce complexity by acknowledging contradictions/limitations. You mentioned to not critique the opinions expressed YET those opinions are crucial to how your writing is interpreted at the AP level. Right now, your thesis is essentially: "Revolutionary ideals were upheld through laws and cultural expressions." Yes, that is true for nearly every revolution, counterculture movement, etc. Acknowledge limitations or contradictions (think: violence, exclusion of women, instability, racial tensions, and the list goes on), then argue that despite these flaws, the core ideals were still advanced. That is NUANCE, which is sophistication!
You connect France’s debt from the American Revolution to increased taxation of the Third Estate, and that does situate the Revolution within broader economic pressures. You do similar with Berr’s Letter of a Citizen to His Fellow Jews (with religion) and "All Mortals are Equal; it is not Birth but Virtue that Makes the Difference" (with slavery). Those are actually REALLY effective moves rhetorically - this context helps explain why revolutionary ideals resonated so deeply with the population. However, I thought that these explanations oversimplify political dynamics, particularly in the first description of how the First and Second Estates "allied" against the Third. The Second Estate was in no way close to the privilege and power of the First, despite how it seemed. The effect is accurate, but the historical reality was more complex in a way that is incredibly tiresome to write in an essay like this.
^ You sort of move from evidence to evidence by paragraphing, which is definitely plausible to work BUT it is rather juvenile. It does its job of explaining how each connects to your thesis, but it doesn't add depth to the discourse you're joining; you want to aim to synthesize within your paragraphs instead of just within your overall essay. Collegiate writing does not treat each document in isolation because, in general, you are JOINING a conversation that has dated back way longer than you've had the knowledge of it (like, it's a really really long time).
I would also suggest to fact-check your evidence again. One of the errors I caught in your essay is the inaccuracy regarding the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen. It states that the Declaration was drafted during the Tennis Court Oath, which is NOT true. The Tennis Court Oath occurred in June 1789 and symbolized the Third Estate’s refusal to disband, whereas the Declaration was adopted later, in August 1789, by the National Constituent Assembly. They are closely related, but this kind of mistake affects your credibility (point deductions are serious!) because precision is everything. It's minor individually, but when you think of it cumulatively, I would do my best to avoid any of that.
Anyway, these issues do not obscure your argument too much; I'd grade it somewhere high-mid on the AP scale. With some deeper analysis and one or two pieces of outside evidence, this could easily get a high score. And hey - work on your dates!
best,
chi