Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

what is, but not i?

by angxlari

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33 Reviews

Points: 3086
Reviews: 33

Sun Jan 22, 2023 6:06 am
HalfheartedAmateur wrote a review...

Title - "what is, but not i?"
From the beginning, I knew this poem would hit me hard - perhaps a bit too close to home than I'd like - and would struck a nerve with me. Because one, the decision to have the question/title in lowercase letters - to me - represents the deterioration of this person's mental health and the introspective aspect of the question itself. For another, the question itself really makes you sit back and reflect upon yourself - despite its appearance of simplicity, the question is in-depth and heart wrenching if you really think about it. To ask this question is to question one's self-value, self-worth, and importance in life. I think this question fits the categories of dramatic and theatre you've chosen because the question does sound dramatic as if Shakespeare or someone who is implementing this question as an exaggeration of the existential crisis they may be having during this time. It truly does capture the reader.

Line One (i wrote in tears) - I think this is definitely a dramatization of a moment where this person lacked strength and felt a particular weakness that triggered a spiraling mental breakdown. Although eyesight blurry and overwhelmed with apparent urge to cry because of this mental breakdown, this person still has the strength and ability to write. This scenario could be displayed visually in several ways such as maybe this person is an absolute mess on the inside but doesn't have the strength/motivation to actually show how they're feeling on the inside, so simply tears fall from their eyes. A familiar mental breakdown they are mature enough and well-aware of to the point where they can control it to an extent and reflect/contemplate/ruminate during the mental breakdown. Or this person could be trembling with such sorrow and grief for losing oneself in a way while shakily writing down these question with a doomsday mindset and with an already ruined heart/soul. Despite its straightforward illustration, this can be interpreted in many ways that I enjoy imagining and thinking about while re-reading this poem over and over again, specifically line by line, since there are numerous twists and turns you could discover - no matter the actual intents of this written work; that goes for any, too.
Line Two ("who am i" and what is love?") - The simplicity of the questions and the complexity of the answers beautifully intertwines with the beauty of imperfections and flaws. How an open-ended question can hold so much power and influence over someone. How these questions may come along with intricate factors, an abundance to consider/contemplate/reflect upon, and just there's so much depth to it that it may overwhelm and/or torture someone. Simple yet bittersweet.
Line Three (but i knew the answer.) - Hmmm, this mental breakdown of some sort seems experienced and it's as if this person already knows the in-depth reasons as to why they are crying in the first place. They are allowing themselves to cry and giving themselves the grace that they probably need and rightfully deserve. Their questioning themselves is calculated and well thought ahead; perhaps, the rawness of the vulnerability demonstrates that this person knows themselves pretty well and this mental breakdown is a healthy one; nothing too destructive or chaotic, poised and authentically heartfelt with subtle confidence.
Line Four (it is the absence of love, and the absence of myself.) - That killed me; it really did. This answer and this line itself struck a nerve and hit a bit too close to home which emphasizes how directness and simplicity in writing a poem can really touch someone and impact a person's life.

Extraordinarily well written and kudos to you for showing how simplicity and directness can truly impact/influence someone. It impresses me and I'm glad you shared this with others.

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27 Reviews

Points: 122
Reviews: 27

Mon Dec 19, 2022 5:25 am
NothingMore905 wrote a review...

This is short yet it has a meaning to it, people are love starved because society decides to get torn apart by horrible decisions, some are much worse then just horrible, the absence of love in this world makes people crazy, it never decided to get restored because humanity is greedy and cruel, we are part of this society but our job is to make this society better in the future but the truth is, it will always get worse overtime.

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26 Reviews

Points: 2652
Reviews: 26

Sat Dec 10, 2022 5:29 pm
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Lovestrike wrote a review...

Hi angxlari!

This is so beautiful! It's short, but that adds to the directness. The language is clear and uncomplicated, which hits hard. In just three sentences, you have created such a story! That is something I try to do in my poetry, but it's easier said than done. This is also relatable and I think that makes it even more powerful than it already was!

The ending line doesn't fit with the previous ones to me though! The question is "what is love" and the response is "the absence of love." I like the last line though! It's the most solid part of the entire poem. I do think that it could be reworked a little though! It's confusing 'cause I don't know what is responding to each part of the previous question.

Another way I was thinking of interpreting it is—
Who am I - the absence of love
What is love - the absence of myself.

Either way, great little poem! You have a way with words! =D

— Solstice

angxlari says...

hi! thank you for your kind review!! you hit iton the target. the last line is answering the questions as they were written. who am i? the answer is the absence of love. what is love? the answer is the absence of myself. i usually do review and rewrite a couple times but i was okay with this one. thank you eo much for the comment * review %u2728

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86 Reviews

Points: 4030
Reviews: 86

Sat Dec 10, 2022 5:36 am
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loveissourgrapes wrote a review...

Oh my, I wasn't expecting the last line. It is very dramatic yet short, I thought I was going to get more explanation. To me, this person is questioning about their existence and what is love to them. Cruel and bad, maybe because no one loved them. Or maybe they don't have any parents and they weren't able to get that blessing every child needs from their parents. Because of the mention of absence of love and people are absent for you that you don't receive any love from anyone. Over all, it is still good yet painful. Keep on writing!

angxlari says...

thank you so much for the review!! i wanted to keep the poem simple and straight to the point to show the reader that the answers were direct and weren%u2019t given any second thought. thank you so much! %u2728

You're welcome!

That smells like the inside of a tropical rainforest.
— Yoshikrab's friend