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impossible

by alliyah


If we were possible,
I'd cross the whole wide world,
I know it's cliché to say,
but something's gotta be
like you and me.

Maybe in another galaxy, we could exist
in the breath of different stars,
because no mater where I go
my mind's never far from where you are.

If we were possible,
I'd cross the whole wide world
I know it's cliché to say,
but something's gotta be
like you and me.

Maybe time could fold space close,
turn hours into ghosts.
Maybe we'll dance while the sun
tries to pull us back again.

If we were possible,
I'd cross the whole wide world.
I know it's cliché to say,
but something's gotta be
like you and me.

Maybe impossible is a chance.
Unlikely could be our plan.
Would you take a leap with me?
How will we ever know unless we see?

If we were possible,
I'd cross the whole wide world.
I know it's cliché to say,
but something's gotta be
like you and me. 

SONG RECORDING LINK: (give it a listen here -> https://voca.ro/i1VU7m8pYyl ) Thanks for listening! Hope you enjoyed! Just a note, I'm not interested in feedback on capitalization or punctuation, thank you!


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6 Reviews


Points: 337
Reviews: 6

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Tue Sep 29, 2020 12:22 pm
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Haileyg21 says...



WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! man I wish I could write lyrics like this! its so gooood. I know I'm not really critiquing but its so good.




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40 Reviews


Points: 82
Reviews: 40

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Fri Sep 18, 2020 2:04 pm
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Buranko wrote a review...



Hey there alli! Great song, really loved the chill vibe, but there are some flaws I found. Hope I will not offend you, remember this is my opinion on what you did. This is my first time reviewing lyrics so please forgive me if something I said is wrong. Ok, let's get to business
First of all from a fellow piano player to another you nailed it with the intro and kept the vocals and piano in harmony throughout the piece. I agree with Tuck who said that due to the song being a little high, your voice stressed a little, trying to adapt to the changes of the notes. Like when you keep it all in one note with very little changes and then suddenly raise the pitch. But this is easy to fix with enough training. What I also disliked was how force "I know it's cliche to say/but something's gotta be", in terms of the song composition and a little in terms of flow, but you fixed that with the last line, which came and relaxed the atmosphere.
Now onto some analysis of the lyrics. Great how you started with an innocent dream and kept it as a chorus.
"Maybe in another galaxy, we could exist/ in the breath of different stars..." This metaphor is soo nice ! I expected some sort of a description that would enhance the metaphor's meaning, but what followed kind of caught me off guard. It's not that it's bad but I tried my hardest to think in an artistic way, not realistically and still didn't grasp any meaning. You say "my mind's never far from where you are" but if you added the star ellement it gave the verse a sense of something really far away, yet you say the persona is always close. Maybe, just maybe, you tried to outline the fact that although being at astronomical distances the persona still feels the loved one in his/her heart.
The second verse is nice too, talking from the metaphors and images present there. In the first one you created the feel of a space really big, now in this you gave time its own dimension and depth. The idea of hours passing like ghosts is really appealing. Indeed, being with the one you love, time loses its power and hours just pass through you unhindered. Also the ending of the verse incorporates reality in an awesome matter the sun being the world with its worries and troubles.
And the third verse deals with abstract terms on another level. Possibility becomes impossible, and in a way relating to the couple, being against all logic and meanings of the world. To them impossible is not what it says but the sole definition of them. The persona acts as a helper to the other member and gives him hope into following her through anything, and have fun.
Hope I didn't confuse you and wasn't rude or anything. Loved the song and the poem. Had a little difficulty into grasping the meaning of it but as you said "impossible is a chance"
Keep up the good work!




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525 Reviews


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Fri Sep 18, 2020 3:40 am
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Tuckster wrote a review...



Hi there alliyah! Tuck here with a review for you.

So, I have to say that I'm a tiny bit intimidated to review one of your works, especially considering that reviewing lyrics is a bit out of my comfort zone, but nevertheless I'm going to give it my best shot.

First, the light piano playing was a nice touch to this work. The soft arpeggios definitely have the right feel for this kind of music, and I feel that I got to experience these lyrics in a different dimension since I listened to the song. The piano complemented your voice excellently, and I believe each instrument there (your voice and the piano) paired nicely with each other without detracting from the other. You struck a wonderful balance there that made this wonderful to listen to!

As one note on your music, I did feel that the song was a tiny bit too high for my liking. It felt like you were pushing your natural range slightly, and while you still did a good job hitting each note, it did feel stretched at times. I wish I had the musical expertise to be able to pick apart the chord progression by ear, but tragically, I do not, so I will say that nothing sounded jarring or noticeably off to me.

Maybe in another galaxy, we could exist
in the breath of different stars,
because no mater where I go

This stanza felt somewhat rushed when you were singing it, possibly because of the different syllabication. I did only notice this on my second listen-through, so it's not super apparent, but I thought I'd point it out regardless.

Now, moving onto the actual writing:
1) My only critique of your chorus is the line "I know it's cliche to say". I think that recognition is a little on-the-nose with the way it's currently phrased. Something like, "It's been said before" recognizes that same idea without sounding quite so clinical, if that makes sense?

2) The second verse was undoubtedly my favorite. You brought in some beautiful metaphors and imagery that is reminiscent of some of your poetry that I've enjoyed. I loved the personification as time as someone who is involved in this love story, the way that time bends and folds and then the entrance of the sun as a time-connected image. It was fantastically done and scratched my "imagery itch" for this piece, if you will.

3) I noticed that you followed the format of chorus-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge(?)-chorus, which meant this song was a little chorus-heavy. I'd like to raise the suggestion of experimenting with slight variations in the chorus, perhaps to show a progression or development as the song goes on. One idea is to rewrite that final stanza so that it's in the conditional tense (to suggest a falling out of love / moving on). I'm just pitching some of these ideas to get some cogs turning in your head, so feel no obligation to use these if they don't work with your vision of the poem!

Overall, this was an excellently done song! There are a few areas I believe you could improve slightly, but I particularly appreciated how you teased at some of your poetic style in this and used your piano to perfection to complement this song. I really enjoyed this, and I hope that some of my comments were helpful to you! As always, please feel free to reach out with any questions or concerns.

Best,
Tuck
Image




alliyah says...


Ah this is a great review Tuck, thanks so much for taking the time to write this! Helpful observations on both the music and writing! I'm really happy with how the piano turned out, but definitely agree it's a bit high for my voice. 2nd verse is my fave too! And good suggestion on maybe changing up that chorus, or adding something to add put in a little variety at the end too I'll see what I can do.




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