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An Unwanted Escape

by alliyah


I escaped the chains in Plato’s cave,

Rolled out of them, in my sleep.

Awoke to unknown horrors all around

The light shown too bright,

And shadows moved too fearsome,

So with my freshly freed limbs

And newly found fears,

I tore my eyes out with my nails

To discover some relief.

The metal chains no longer bind me,

But I am more content with blind release.


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624 Reviews


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Mon Sep 05, 2016 5:00 pm
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Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Alliyah! Casanova here for a review!
Anyway- yeah. I've been doing this in a certain way. The good first, and then I get into the bad.
Anyway- here we go! To the review!
The good I guess is first.
The imagery was clear and really thought out. I honestly enjoyed it- it was a good read. Thank you for sharing it!
Anyway- before I get to the bad. I want to know- what is this about? I mean- These lines kind of made me think depression/anger-
"I escaped the chains in Plato’s cave,

Rolled out of them, in my sleep."

"The metal chains no longer bind me,

But I am more content with blind release."
For some reason they made me think of that. "Plato's cave," a symbolism for hate, maybe?
And the,"The metal chains no longer bind me," makes me think of an escape from depression or hate... But I could be completely wrong about that.
To the bad!
Well, besides the line,"And newly found fear," which really doesn't have the same flow as the rest of it, I honestly have nothing bad to say about this poem. It was well thought out and very well enjoyed on my end. Keep writing! I'll look for more of your stuff in the green room! I love your writing!
Anyway- keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely- Matthew Casanova Aaron.




alliyah says...


Thanks for the comments and review Casanova. If you're familiar with Plato's Cave - it's like a symbol for not knowing the truth - kind of like when people say "That persons 'in the dark'". So the poem is sort of talking about people who from no work of their own have the opportunity to escape the dark (unknowing/ignorance) but because they are afraid they decide to stay in the dark (ignorance). I'm sort of trying to show that it's okay if you're ignorant against your will - but if you have the opportunity to learn, educate, seek the truth then you need to pursue that rather than actively trying to blind yourself. :) It's all a little abstract - but that's what I was going for and it's definitely open to interpretation. Thanks for comments again, I'm going to keep revising and keep what you've said in mind. ~alliyah



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Points: 39
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Sat Sep 03, 2016 5:20 pm
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ThatGoodOlBoy93 says...



I literally just took a course on Plato's cave analogy. This piece might be a little short, but it is DEEP, and a little bit dark.




alliyah says...


Thanks! Plato's great!



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Fri Sep 02, 2016 11:09 am
Rydia wrote a review...



Hi alliyah! I'm in a poetry mood so thought I'd take a look at this :)

Specifics

1. Title - I like the idea of an escape that was unwanted - it's intriguing and definitely caught my attention and got my brain to start wondering how that could happen.

2.

And the shadows all too fearsome.
So I tore out my eyes with my nails
I think these two lines should have a comma between them instead of a full stop because at the moment the poem is nice but has a very halting feel to it as you have two lines, then a full stop, then two lines, then a full stop and then two lines and a full stop! Try to vary that more.

3. Love the sort of half rhyme of relief and released but I'm struggling to kind of imagine this, maybe because I only know the basics about Plato but why are the shadows too dark? I thought the idea of the allegory was that the cave is well lit by the fire and they can see the shadows of the puppets clearly and believe these to be their reality so aren't those elements of the imprisonment? It seems odd that then shadows are picked out as one of the unbearable things about escaping the cave? Like the bright light makes sense because they turn and see the light of the fire, or even daylight if you're thinking they've escaped fully from the cave.

3. Known and home is a slightly more obvious rhyme and sounds a bit too simple. It is maybe partly because 'It is just not home' is a very short and simple line in general which makes it feel off beat and forced.

Overall

I love the start of this poem and I don't think I've seen many people build poetry around the Plato's cave allegory so that's a good idea but I'm not sure this tells enough of the story - the part of that allegory I always found most interesting was the idea that when the first prisoner goes back to the cave to free his fellow men and help them see the light as well, that the fact he can't see in the dark any more makes the prisoners think he has been blinded and come to harm in the world outside. It's the idea that those prisoners would fight even one of their own to stay imprisoned which I find intriguing so I'm not sure the poem quite gets to the meat of the subject if that makes sense?

Thanks for the read and best of luck with this!

~Heather




alliyah says...


Thanks Heather! Glad to find another Plato fan! :) I love the allegory of the cave, and I think sometime I'll either expand this one to get more of the story or just try again. But all of your comments are on point, and I appreciate them. When I get around to editing or expanding I'll take another look, but I do thank you for taking the time to review my piece.




According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
— The Bee Movie