Colorblind. Part Three

I closed the door behind me and hoped my brother was a hallucination.

“Aren’t you going to say hi to your brother?”

“Hi Freddy,” I said.

His greasy black curly fell slightly above warm amber eyes, which was our only common factor. His once shapely body was now replaced with a beer gut and numerous scars. My eyes searched his body for the scar. The scar. He turned to look at our father and there it was. It trailed from his lower lip down to the bottom of his neck and looked as fresh as yesterday.

No one really knows what happened to me that night. Freddy was too stoned to remember. If I had gone to the police I would never have to see him again but I couldn’t bear to lose anyone else in my family.

Now remembering everything of that night, I quickened my step towards my room and grabbed my bag out of the closet. I threw a bunch of clothes and books into my bag. The distinct sound of the engine pulling out of the driveway was most likely my brother’s way of saying “time’s up”. I heard footsteps towards my bedroom and I froze.

“So what have you been up to?” He leaned against my door and crossed his arms; his question was neither genuine nor uncertain.

“Uhm...” I zipped up my bag and swallowed my last chance for safety. “…nothing important”

He stood there for a few seconds then quickly closed the door. He was now an inch away from me. “We’ll I’ve been thinking about you…”

I wished my feet could have moved at the speed of my racing heart. His dry granular fingers ran down my arm and rancid breath surrounded my head.. I jerked away but encircled my arms and drove me against the wall.

“Please, Freddy…don’t,”

A suave grin spread across his face his fingers slid down my face as my heavy breathing tuned into a lip quivering. Horrible memories begin to flood my brain and drown me in nausea. There was no way I was going to let this happen again. He leaned in closer to me as I tried to draw away.

“You’re so beautiful,”

His teeth clenched suddenly and his nails flew down my face leaving me in a bit of predictable discomfort. He pressed his lips against mine but I pulled together enough strength to send a painful blow to his crotch. He held a tight grip on me while he tried to deal with the pain.

After a few minutes he was back to his sexual feeling and smiled at me once again.

“Why would you hit me? I’m so happy to see you,”

My eyes widened as I watch his reveal himself as his pants dropped to the floor. I hesitated as a long-forgotten memory entered my head.

One afternoon I was sick and decided to stay in bed. My mother had brought me some soup and then left for work. We were really close and plotted to run away from all the abuse. I ended falling asleep for awhile and I awoke from an excruciating pain in my stomach. My eyes fluttered open to my brother on top of me. He said if I screamed his would stab me, so I cried silently while he forced himself inside of me. He did this for weeks and weeks and I never said a word.

When my father came home, he was so angry that I had gotten blood on my sheets he punished me. He decided that raping my mother and forcing me to watch was a good enough warning. I was only seven, and that was the last time I saw my mother. The next day she disappeared.

I returned to the reality of my disturbed brother. As weak as I was, I would be stupid to let this happen again. He took a shot at sticking his tongue down my throat but I bit down so hard I swear I took half of it off. He moaned in pain as his backed away from me. I bought myself a few seconds to get away.

My feet took me to the gas station farthest from my house. I checked my reflection in the dirty bathroom mirror. Maybe I wouldn’t return again, possibly I learned my lesson. I splashed cold water in my face and momentarily dissolved the previous events. My whole body was shaking. I had never been this frightened before. Without warning, I heaved out my lunch into the sink. The vibration of my phone was almost unnoticeable in my trembling hand.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby,”

I was relieved to hear his voice, I even grinned a little. Cam’s words were my only salvation.

“Well, I think you’re going to get your wish...” I grumbled somewhat blissfully.

“I knew you’d come,” he laughed.

“I’ll be there soon,” I replied.

“OK, see ya,”

I inhaled an insecure breath. The ghastly convenient store was empty when I crept out of the restroom. The bus was stationed across the street, as if waiting to save me. I climbed in and gazed around with unease. I sat behind the bus driver who didn’t send any signs o comfort. I pulled out my camera and looked through the pictures of me and Cameron. I liked him a lot, okay, I loved him. When I was around him I just felt like I was in a completely different world, a better world. Our relationship wasn’t one of those ‘love at first sight’ relationships. I hated those. I got up as we neared my stop. I saw Cameron waiting for me at the bus stop.

His cheerful expression changed to a fretful gape as he glanced at the cut on my ace.

“What the hell happened?” I winced as he gently ran his finger down the side of my cheek.

I took his hand in mine and tried to think of a good reason, “There’s an angry pit bull on my street…”

He wasn’t convinced, “Ava-”

I quickly changed the subject, “Did you order food? I’m starving!”

I pulled him up the stairs to his front door and dragged him inside. He pushed the door behind him.

For a moment, he dropped his qualms. The mischievous look on his face was almost expected. He leaned into kiss me but I was captivated by a heavenly smell. My jaw lost function as I looked at the dining room. The beautifully decorated table held flowers and candles. The plates were filled with white creamy pasta and a small bowl of leafy greens.

“You didn’t tell me you could cook!” I said and playfully pushed him.

He laughed and grabbed my hand and kissed it.

“After you, Madame”

He watched me eat from across the table. He had an eye from honesty and he wasn’t taking my fabrication. Anxiety exhaled through his lips as he let out a sigh of frustration.

I dropped my fork down on the plate and glowered.

“What?” I snapped. I rested my back against the chair and folded my arms over my chest.

“Ava, I don’t like seeing you hurt all the time. Are you really going to be angry because I care about you? ” I placed a stand of hair behind my ear and shifted my glare to the window. He continued his bothersome tirade.

Half way through I stopped listening. He was the most caring guy but he ripped my freedom from me with every sorrowful look. I didn’t want to think about my terrible home life when I as with him.

“I’m sorry; I know you’re just worried.” I forged a smile. I could always distract him with my smile. I lifted to my feet and stepped towards him. I planted myself on his lap and slipped him an innocent kiss.

He was coerced into smiling and forgot his suspicions.

“I should show you the rest of the house,” he suggested and pulled me to my feet he hastily walked through the foyer and pulled me up the stairs.

“This is the hallway...” He said and before I could bat an eye he pulled me into a room.

“And this is my bedroom,” he leered and pressed his lips against mine.

We kissed for a while until he started to get a little more insistent. He tried to grab my chest a few times, each instance forgetting the slap he received just moments before. I suddenly started to feel really uncomfortable. This trapped feeling overcame me and I quickly pushed him away.

“What’s wrong?”

His horniness quickly turned into a worried vibe. I moved to the end of the bed and took a deep breath.

“Just catching my breath…” I said quietly and closed my eyes. I tried to fight off the thoughts of my Freddy but it hung about in my mind and even coerced me to tears.

Usually being intimate wasn’t a problem with Cameron but now it made the regression to events I rather not think about more tangible.

He was obviously sentient of the physical cruelty I received but unaware of the sexual abuse as I always was okay with his sensual touch. I had a feeling that he was getting angry when he headed into the bathroom and slammed the door. There were so many secrets left untold that I defiled our relationship with every lie and forced smile.

I contemplated telling him what was going through my mind and was too stubborn to let him into my real life. I made my way downstairs, still confused and upset, and into the kitchen. I couldn’t let go of my family but yet I couldn’t let Cam see me for who I am. I let a smile cover my troubles.

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Hope you liked it! I'm working on rewriting part 1&2 and I'm having a bit of writer's block about what to write next