Hi Yoshikrab! Let's get into it First of all, I'm still not sure why Dakota's perspective is necessary. I've mentioned this before, but it felt especially apparent here. I'm currently more interested and invested in Silvan, because he's the character we can relate the most to and have also seen the most development out of. I don't see why we need a third party looking at his actions, when it would be more interesting to just see his thought process as he watches the Firecracker burn, as his thoughts turn to an opportunity of escape, as he sees the escape pods and run to it. That's way more engaging than Dakota simply telling us she saw him trying to get into a pod, so run with it! Now, I'm not saying we don't need Dakota as a character, but there should be some better reason as to why we're in her head. Right now, she feels like the most bland character. I don't know what her motivations are. Why does she care about Silvan at all? Their relationship hasn't been very well developed in the past chapters, because they haven't spent much time together at all. I'd love to see more exploration of that, of how they can grow together as they have a better bond. As it stands, I don't get why Dakota feels responsible for Silvan, but I want to! Show us the gritty details of their dynamic.My other main issue with this chapter is in this paragraph:
Thinking about SkyCorp made Silvan mad. They all hated him. ...
Then, before he could even finish the dreadful thought, the parachute activated, slowing down his fall joltingly, knocking the air out of his lungs.
Good chapter! I love the dynamic you set up between Silvan and Dakota, with Silvan ending up in bad situations (like falling out of the sky), and then Dakota has to go and stop him from dying.
Then, he had to sleep in a room basically next to five tornadoes on the Firecracker.
Silvan thought that the parachute wasn't working for some reason and he was just going to smash onto the ground.
Even Dakota wanted him to stay at the end. She probably just wanted him to stay so she could be promoted.
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