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Friends Make the World go ‘Round

by VioletFantasy


Friends make the world go 'round

even when you feel like it is at a complete stop

they keep pushing you forwards

never relenting despite your protests

because they will always look out for you


Friends make the world go 'round

they see you for who you are

they don't care about your possessions

or about how much money your family has

they only care about what's deep inside of you

they see the good overruling the bad


Friends make the world go 'round

they can put a smile on a sad face

and are a constant source of happiness

If you need a laugh, look no further

your friends will cheer you up with enthusiastic banter


Friends make the world go 'round

you can find them in the most unexpected places

in school, the grocery store, or even the library

they come in many colors and sizes

once you have found a true friend,

always be good to them too


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Mon Aug 17, 2020 6:45 am
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This is amazing for a beginner I have a poem too as I am a beginner as well. It is called "Spiders". Friends really are important, and they do make the world go around and around again. You can consider thems the siblings or sibling you never had before. I treat my best friend Like we are sisters, instead of saying "Bye" we say "Love you" or "Love you, sis" because we are that close to each other. You love them closely and never want to let them go, My friend is was in a mental hospital for depression, and I'm sad because she cannot have her phone so we can't text and can't call each other. All I can do is wish for the best and think back to all the good times we shared with each other.




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Fri Aug 14, 2020 3:06 am
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YuNgWrItEr wrote a review...



Hey! Your poem is certainly very insightful. It's also very catchy. Your topic of friendship is a very good choice. I like the consistency of your poem. I noticed that you didn't use much figurative language. Rather than telling something in a fact manner. Telling it through use of metaphors and similes will make your poem really stand out. Moreover, the repetition needs to be worked on. Overall, I'd like to say that this was a great poem and you have done a great job.






Thank you for the review and welcome to YWS!!



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Fri Aug 14, 2020 3:03 am
YuNgWrItEr says...



Hey! Your poem is certainly very insightful. It's also very catchy. Your topic of friendship is a very good choice. I like the consistency of your poem. I noticed that you didn't use much figurative language. Rather than telling something in a fact manner. Telling it through use of metaphors and similes will make your poem really stand out. Moreover, the repetition needs to be worked on. Overall, I'd like to say that this was a great poem and you have done a great job.




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Fri Aug 14, 2020 12:28 am
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Tuckster wrote a review...



Hey there VioletFantasy! Tuck here with a review for you.

I really like the topic you picked! Friendship is an excellent topic full of potential to explore, and there are many opportunities for positive metaphors, similes, and personification. I also like the way that you established rhythm through stanzas and lines that were, for the most part, a consistent length. This is a great starting point as a poet, and I'm going to jump into some constructive criticism to give you some idea for how to edit!

First, I noticed that you didn't utilize much figurative language. One of my favorite quotes about poetry is "Tell the truth, but tell it slant". Along this same lines, you spend a lot of time telling us about how good and strong friendship is. Rather than telling the reader something factually, provide small insights into the lives of some friends to show how it enriches their individual lives. Working in some similes, metaphors, personification, and other metaphorical language will engage the reader more than just "Friends are good".

I also think you should rethink your use of the repetition. This could be because I didn't feel a strong emotional connection to the phrase that was repeated, but it felt redundant rather than powerful and moving. That being said, it was a good way to maintain a sense of flow and structure, so perhaps consider keeping it and just giving some more impact to the repeated phrase.

I think that should be a good starting point for you! I hope these pointers are helpful for you and not too overwhelming. I want to reiterate that this is a great foundation for a poem, just needs a bit of touching up in some places. If you have any questions please feel free to reach out.

Best,
Tuck






Thank you so much for the advice! You made several points that will really help me edit this poem and help me write better poems in the future. I will definitely consider adding more figurative language. That is an area I need to expand on and use more often. Again, thanks for the amazing review! :)



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Thu Aug 13, 2020 9:38 pm
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starlitmind says...



Aw, this is such a cute poem! For some reason, I found these lines really funny

you can find them in the most unexpected places

in school, the grocery store, or even the library


especially the grocery story part xD I really like it! It's a great first poem <3

(I don't know if this was intentional, but you wrote "Should I make the stanzas the same amount of lines" in the poem, and I initially thought it was part of the poem; it was a bit confusing, especially since "of lines" went on to the next line. I recommend putting this as an author's note at the end of the poem so people won't accidentally read it as part of the poem! :D)






Thank you for the review! I did not mean to leave that sentence in the poem xD. It was a note to myself and I thought I deleted it, but I must have forgotten to. Thanks for bringing that to my attention!!



starlitmind says...


No problem! I figured that was the case :D
Oh and also, I just wanted to let you know that this isn't a review; I just decided to leave a comment on your poem c: I wanted to tell you this so you didn't think I left a really short and unhelpful review xD
<3





Oh I see that now! I appreciate that <3




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