Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic


Dark Memories

by Vil


Childhood memories filling my head,

remembering things that I seek to forget,

dreams and horrors filling my mind,

despite my memories posing a threat

to what I am now, to what I seek to be,

to what I want everyone to see in me.

-----

Childhood memories filling my head,

dark, hidden horrors that I remember no more

define that which is clear in my mind,

vividly painted, built into the core

of my being and my inner self--

memories to be returned to the mental shelf.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
65 Reviews


Points: 156
Reviews: 65

Donate
Wed Dec 02, 2020 4:00 pm
View Likes
LordMomo wrote a review...



Image

Momo is here to review!

First, I'm so so so so so sorry that these reviews are late! I'll try to get to your other one later.

This is really good! It's short, simple, and it gets to the point really quickly. I always love your poetry, because the rhyming is beautiful, and the description is the absolute best! Just one thing I wanted to point out.

Childhood memories filling my head,

dark, hidden horrors that I remember no more

You say you don't remember, but the whole poem is talking about these memories. That's kind of contradictory in my head, but it's your poem! (:

That's it! Keep writing!
Momo




Vil says...


Aha, yes... my contradiction. I remember them, but not vividly =P

Thanks for the review! <3



User avatar
14 Reviews


Points: 170
Reviews: 14

Donate
Tue Oct 06, 2020 8:28 am
View Likes
Goldenwizard wrote a review...



Hi/ Namaste
It was a really beautiful poem about our past and childhood. I can say that you focused on those things that we do want to forget, but they are still left somewhere inside.
I think I really understood well the part where you mentioned that some of those memories are like those which we don't want anyone to know, which would change others perception about us, of what we are afraid or ashemed of.
The theme of the poem is really good and is expressed beautifully in a rhythms that made me to like your poem really much.
Thankyou/ Dhanyavad




Vil says...


Thanks for the review! <3



User avatar
32 Reviews


Points: 44
Reviews: 32

Donate
Tue Oct 06, 2020 5:04 am
View Likes
rida wrote a review...



Wow, the rhyming scheme is really nice, though I felt it broke a little as the second stanza began. This was a really mysterious piece of writing you wrote, but I really enjoyed reading it.

dreams and horrors filling my mind

despite my memories posing a threat

Well, I’m no expert in these things, and please ignore this if it’s wrong or anything, but I think it should have it should instead be:

dreams and horrors filling my mind, ( the comma)
despite my memories posing a threat. (The full stop)

I didn’t see any more grammar mistakes, but you should improve the rhyming scheme in the second stanza. I hope you’re not offended. Keep writing. Bye.
:)




Vil says...


I do think the comma is needed (it has been added), but not the full stop.

Thank you for your review.




So verily with the hardship, there is a relief, verily with the hardship, there is a relief.
— Quran Ch 94:5-6