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Another Night at Another Club

by Vil


"Almost heaven, West Virginia,

Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River..."

The melodic voice took over the club, several of the Elves looking at the pretty human on the stage. She was an older woman-- well, the oldest woman alive-- but her grace and beauty remained, no matter how old she was.

"Life is old there, older than the trees,

younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze..."

The woman wore a flowing evening gown, shades of black and dark blue, silver stars sparkling as she moved. Her dark gray-brown hair, which was normally pulled into a tightly braided bun, now hung loosely past her chest.

"Country roads, take me home

to the place I belong!

West Virginia! Mountain mama!

Take me home, country roads!"

Behind her, two members of the band started to play-- both were Dwarves, one with a fiddle, the other with a drumset. As she continued to sing, the human pianist, the goblin guitarist, and the three Elven back ups joined in.

"All my memories gather 'round her--

miner's lady, stranger to blue water.

Dark and dusty, painted on the sky,

misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye!"

A few of the regulars joined her song. Tonight was a treat, they knew-- it was rare that this old bat would come in to the club, and even rarer that she'd sing. A few of the women looked at their other halves jealously.

"Country roads, take me home

to the place I belong!

West Virginia! mountain mama!

Take me home, country roads!

I hear her voice in the mornin' hour, she calls me

The radio reminds me of my home far away

Drivin' down the road, I get a feelin'

That I should've been home yesterday! Yesterday!"

By now, the whole club had joined in, singing along in somewhat-acceptable harmony, her voice still overtaking any of the others. As she sang the chorus for the final time, the crowd stood up, roaring with applause.

"Thank you," she said, smiling brightly. "Just thank you."

"Give us another one, Sinny!" one of the Dwarves at the bar called.

"Oh, no, I couldn't," she said. "I'm only twelve and a half decades old, there will be other nights to sing."

There was audible disappointment that rippled through the room. "Are you scared?" an Elven voice asked.

"Sinestra Hopkins-Jones ain't scared of nothin'!" the same Dwarf growled.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" the Elf replied.

"Tsk, tsk," the singer said. "Settle down, boys. There's no need to fight." She looked at the bartender. "Free drinks for all on me, Ahab. Put it on my tab."

"Yes, ma'am, Ms. Hopkins-Jones!" the man answered, but he was soon drowned out by cheers and applause.

"We love ya, Sinny!"

"Marry me, Sinny!"

"No, me!"

She merely shook her head and sighed before snapping her fingers ad disappearing.

-----

"And where have you been all night, Sinestra?" her niece, Ismira, asked.

"I went to see Maria and her family up in New York," she lied. "Their cub was, as always, boring. Now, leave me alone, I'm tired."

Ismira crossed her arms, not noticing the small smirk on Sinestra's face.


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Points: 19
Reviews: 4

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Tue Sep 15, 2020 2:53 am
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UsonaNaciisto wrote a review...



I'm still unused to the etiquette of this website, so at the risk of treading water, I will give my review with all sincerity.

The biggest positive I noticed was that the pacing of the story flows incredibly well. There is not a point I can think of where I was ever taken out of it by any mistakes or queer writing decisions. The story you have told excels in its simplicity, doesn't overstay its welcome, and leaves the reader both wanting more and imagining the greater implications of the world you have designed. I implore you to explore this world more, as I would love to see what could be done within it.

I struggle to find any critique outside of suggestions and personal gripes (Country Roads is overplayed. Get better material, Sinestra.), and I wish you the best of luck in continuing your endeavors. Cheers.




Vil says...


Yu did just fine!

Thanks for your review.



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Tue Sep 15, 2020 2:48 am
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Okay first off I have to start with the song. It's one of my favourites so I must commend you on your good taste. Next, I wanna address the descriptions you gave. I really liked them because you weren't overly descriptive and you weren't under-descriptive either.

However, like some of the other reviews I've seen so far, I'd have liked to see a bit more world building. Hopefully that'll come along later? Finally, I just want to say I really liked this little piece. Sinestra seems like a pretty interesting lady an I hope to see more of her one day.

That's it from me, good job and happy writing!




Vil says...


Thanks for the review!



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Mon Sep 14, 2020 8:52 pm
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Stormblessed242 wrote a review...



Hello, Stormblessed here!
Great job! I'm really liking these nights at the clubs stories. I just wish there was more worldbuilding, but that's up to you.

In regards to story, I agree with EditorAndPerks. The magic is interesting, and I would like to see Sinestra's point of view.

There were a couple errors, just misstypes.

before snapping her fingers ad disappearing.

Missing an N in "and" here.

"Their cub was,

Missing the L in club, here.

Finally, I notice that you capitalize Dwarves and Elven, but not goblin. They are all species, after a fashion, so is there a particular reason you don't capitalize goblin?

Other than these, this was great and I hope you write more nights at the clubs!

Hope this helped!
Stormblessed242
Image




Vil says...


Thanks for the grammar check :P

I always write in a way that feels right to me-- my mind deems it proper that Dwarf and Elf should be capitalized, but not goblin, nor orc, nor even dragon (with exceptions). I don't know why, really, but it fits that way in my head.

I intend to do some worldbuilding for these short stories soon. Really, it's just the predecessor to what has become Dusk on the Horizon and thus really not put together very well. I'm just exploring some "what ifs."





Sounds good!



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Mon Sep 14, 2020 6:06 pm
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EditorAndPerks wrote a review...



Hello there!

I wanted to stop by and give you a quick review on this. I did read the first "night at a bar" short story, and I thought it had a neat dynamic between Maria and Vilnius, but here, I see, is a new character.

So, with the fantasy tag and the past story, I know this isn't a normal world, even while being on earth, but I would give a warning about ages here. I think confusion can be summed up to the reader is not given context on how a regular human could literally be 125 years old. World-building/technology/influence-of-aliens could certainly attribute to that, but as of right now, that is not biologically proven to be possible. Not to mention that her hair isn't all white? Wow, she must have some amazing genes.

The view is something I think could be worked on as well, even in just this short of a context. This reads as mostly something from an outsiders' view, being able to categorically describe characters, describe a group's thoughts, and then latch into different heads for a single sentence. For fantasy stories, there are absolutely many tales that like to switch between views, or simply stay as omniscient. I think that works fine when lots of things are happening, but here, I'd like to see direct things happening from Sinestra, as I think she could have a very interesting perspective.

I like that everyone appreciates her, though, and I thought the magic bit was interesting, with her just leaving with a snap. I did want to read more though. ^^ Nicely done!




Vil says...


Thanks for your review! (:




Perfect kindness acts without thinking of kindness.
— Lao Tse