E - Everyone

The Story of Billi Wack - Chapter 2

“Hello, Aunt Delta. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been better, Johnny.” Aunt Delta stood on the front porch, her hands on her hips. Sarah gazed up towards the woman, studying her structure while her husband smiled.

“Where’s Tim?”

Aunt Delta looked up towards the sky. “Last time I checked, out back in the shed. Going crazy about you coming.” A cloud passed over the sun. “He’s been wanting to take you into the mountains.”

Johnny’s eyes twinkled. Delta shifted her gaze towards Sarah, watching her efforts of not falling down a sleeping. “Do you need help with that?” Sarah perked up, unsure if Delta was talking to her. Reading the confusion in her face, Delta smiled. She walked down the steps, stepping into the cool sunlight and stopped a few feet from the couple. “Here, I’ll take it.” Delta reached out, grabbing the black roller and pulled it along the gravel road. Both Johnny and Sarah followed her into the house.

The smell of pine and grass welcomed the couple inside the house. Delta disappeared around the first corner when entering the house, moving the black roller in front of the hallway door. Johnny and Sarah stood in front of the front door, looking around the living room. There was a small tv against the west wall with a small palm tree next to it. A faded red couch was placed in few meters away from the tv, two yellow pillows were on either side of the couch. There was a brown coffee table with some magazines and cup sliders.

“If you could, please take off your shoes by the front door.” Aunt Delta called from the hallway. Johnny and Sarah promptly did so, feeling the cool wood tiles against their socks. They walked into the living room, sitting on the couch while Aunt Delta emerged from the hallway.

“Sorry, but we like to keep the floor clean. Tim learned the hard way when living in Japan for a month, and completely forgot about their “take off your shoes by the front door” rule. After he returned back from Japan, he would ramble on and on about it,” Aunt Delta explained. She was moving quickly around the room. “He even begged me to take the rule into consideration, and you know how he begs, Johnny?”

Johnny nodded, crossing his arms and leaning back into the couch. Sarah stared down at her jeans, eyeing a mysterious stain.

“Anyway,” Delta wandered into the kitchen. She later emerged with a tray of cookies and a glass jug of lemonade. There was a black couch opposite of the orange couch, which is where she sat. Delta set down the lemonade and cookies on the table. “How was the trip here?” It had been three years since Delta last saw Johnny. Before then, talking to him was easier. He was at the age of telling her anything. They wrote stories together, explored the backyard for creatures, and cooked wonderful meals. Now, after he had graduated from college, he seemed more separated. Distane. Delta began to think Sarah was behind it.

“Good, I suppose.” Johnny sat forward and grabbed a cookie for the tray. Delta pressed her lips together, gathering her hands in her lap. It was silent, except for Johnny’s soft chewing. There was a sound, much like white noise but it was soon gone when the backdoor opened. A man wearing khakis, white t-shirt that was covered by a tan vest, and held onto lunchbox. A peppered mustache. Sparkling blue eyes. He walked down the hallway that lead into the living, and noticed the company. 

“Johnny?” the man asks, gripping the handle. The other man, glances towards the older male, and smiles.

“Hey, Uncle Tim.” Delta looked up to her husband, frowning.

“You took an awful long time in the shed. What were you doing in there?”

Tim sighed. “You worry too much, dear.” He walked into the living room, setting his lunchbox on the table in front of the red couch. Delta scrunched up her nose. He then sat down next to Johnny, smiling.

“So how’ve you been, Johnny? How’s college?” Tim asked, leaning forward.

“Oh. Um, I graduated in April. Life’s been fine, I suppose. Got married,” Johnny stated. Tim wasn’t exactly his favorite person to talk to. He was always putting his nose in other people’s business and wanting to know about their personal lives. It grew to a point that Johnny didn’t contact him for years- somehow, his annoyance would follow him.

“You got married?” Tim asked, choking back laughter. Delta rolled her eyes.

“Y-yeah. Sarah,” Johnny gently nudged his wife. She slowly moved her view towards the old man.

“Oh, pardon my rudeness. I just never expect-”

“Anyway!” Delta interrupted, clapping her hands together. She sent a glare to her husband. Tim shrugged, standing up.

“Johnny, sometime later, do you want to go back to the shed?”

“I suppose so.”

“Good man! That’ll just leave my wife and your wife to do wifely things,” Tim stated, walking past Delta. He bent down and kissed the top of her head before disappearing into the hallway.

“He really hasn’t changed, has he?” Johnny asked, reaching for another cookie. Delta sighed, turning her gaze out a window.

“He hasn’t been the same since he got that job offer up the mountains from a guy named August Rebel. He deals with ‘mythical’ creatures. Since Tim is all about that life, he took it. Before he was offered that job, he would sit in front of the TV, eating chips and watching the daily programs. Such a poor fellow,” Delta explained. “Of course, he hasn’t changed. He’s still the same annoying, lovable person I know.”

Johnny smiled, grabbing the lemonade glass jug and poured himself some.

“Did you have a job?” Delta asked, moving her view to her nephew. Johnny nodded, settling down the glass on the table.

“I did work at a camera store for awhile. You can learn so much from a broken lense,” Johnny flatly stated.

“Alrighty, Johnny! Are you ready?” Tim exclaimed. He was now wearing blue denim jeans, red and blue checked shirt, and cowboy hat. Johnny and Delta turned around, while Sarah continued to ignore the people around her. .

“You are not going out like that, Tim.” Delta stated firmly. Her husband frown deeply, putting his arms at his sides. “Don’t give me that look.” She turned back around while Johnny gleefully got up.

“I thought we were going out later," Johnny said slowly.

"No time better than the present!" Tim returned to his normal self, walking into the living room, and grabbing Johnny by the arm. He pulled his nephew up and dragged him into the hallway.

"Hey, honey," Tim yelled. "Where did you put the suitcases?"

Comments & reviews · 2
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Steggy
Review
Steggy wrote a review · Fri Mar 11, 2016 9:59 pm

Hallo!

So, the second chapter! I like how you continued this chapter after the ending, but as a suggestion: maybe start off with a bang. Like some action (but don't wander too far off from the action that the reader might end up confuse). This chapter also brings in two characters (Delta- although she was in the previous chapter, you seem to explain her more) and Tim. You did a nice job of describing these two characters but I feel like also this chapter just goes too slow. I suggest thinking. Like, thinking over their dialogue and retracing your steps. As I said before, don't wander too far from the main point.

I noticed, also, you do a nice job of describing. In the following sentence that comes right after the beginning, seems a bit off because when reading the next sentence, Sarah has her head down and at the suitcase? She could, perhaps, quickly put her head down but I'd think it would be better if you had Delta and her share a glance at each other.
I can sense that when Delta and Sarah are alone (since Johnny and Tim are going out?), Delta will try her hardest not to kill Sarah. In the previous chapter, Sarah seemed more... talkative? However, in this chapter she seems far away from everyone else. Keep the character actions together into one piece.

“I did work at a camera store for awhile. You can learn so much from a broken lense,” Johnny flatly stated.


I love this line.

he turned back around while Johnny gleefully got up.

“I thought we were going out later," Johnny said slowly.

"No time better than the present!" Tim returned to his normal self, walking into the living room, and grabbing Johnny by the arm. He pulled his nephew up and dragged him into the hallway.


I'm a little confused at how Johnny is still sitting yet stands up. Unless you mistaken him for getting up and then had Uncle Tim come along and pulling him up from his seat on the couch. Read before you write something next. Or read aloud that part.

Overall, this was yet another good chapter. If you could, tag me next time you publish a chapter. I do hope I get to see Billi soon.

Steggy

Excellent work, bravo! I really enjoy what you're doing here with this series. In particular I think that you've done a good job with the characters, and by that I mean I feel that I can really relate to the character of Tim. We've all had that pesky family member or co-worker who always seems to be sticking their nose into other peoples' business, (a purple-haired, life-time employee at my old job at a candy store comes to mind) and I believe you've done a great job at capturing that character. Beyond that I feel that your plot has a natural flow to it, and I'm interested to see where it leads.



A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it.
— Roald Dahl