Young Writers Society

Hey there,
First of all a late welcome to YWS.
I really enjoyed reading your work. I appreciate the effort you put into it. I love the flow of your poem but I guess you could make it better by removing the repetition of certain words
"when the world charges ahead of ,
and all u can think about is turning off,
turning off what we theme to be a part,
a part of the possible thoughts that,"
If you removed the repetition of turning off I guess it would sound better. But then again it'd your poem and you really don't need to listen to my suggestions.
Anyway I love your poem
Never quit writing
Fangirl~
P.S.- I love the descripton you gave for this poem

Hello, Titus~
Okay, so this is my third review for team tortoise and for R.E.D, and I'm still excited on day three/review three! (Hey, I've never done reviewing contests before where I actually felt committed )
Alrighty then, on to the actual review, might be short because I'm very tired right now ;-;
So, I notice you are new, and this is your first work posted. Congratulations! Sadly, Steggy beat me to the first review. Feel free to ignore, or to take advice from my review.
I think that the lack of stanzas and abbreviating/shortening of words make the poem hard to read, and a pain to the eye, which would mean it is a very good idea to add those in.
A nitpick of mine is the title, and the reference to the title in your poem, "its OK with love."

I do know is everything turns out ok with love

Hi!

I want to first say welcome to YWS! Hope you are enjoying it here. This poem lacks in some qualities and can be worked upon to be a greater, understanding one. It seems to have a nice idea about love, and whatnot but you don't seem to execute it properly. You seem to use a lot of cliches floating around.
This article (Cliches in Poetry) explains that if you want to pick a cliche, you have to do it the right way. I've read and seen many poems on the topic of love, each having a different meaning. Like flowers. One thing to remember is: always think before you plan. Don't write down stuff, at first. If you do, however, go back and edit it. All in all, if you pick a cliche for a poem, make sure it is taken well and put forth into something amazing. Because think of it: you've probably read a lot of poems and noticed the underlining theme of them, right?
Another thing is repetition. It is only used to express something important (like italics or bold) throughout the poem. What you have here, throughout different areas of this work, is unfitted repetition. Like it doesn't exactly go back to the main point you had before.
Basically, repetition is like buttering something. It can be your choice to use it or not.

Keep your spacing consistent. In the beginning of this, you have a stanza then a space then the rest. In my opinion, try breaking it up into different parts. In most poems out there, some don't use capitalization- which I'm fine with. However, think about punctuation as well. Commas are used to make a listing or a cut off from something, connecting that stanza to the next. It doesn't always have to be a comma, though, it can be a period or a hyphen. There are some poems that don't use either, and go well worth their wild. Grammar, is another thing you have a problem with in this poem. Although there some poems that do not use grammar, I feel like you should in this one. It will bring the main point and theme together. Like a bow.

(Punctuating Poetry)

Overall, this poem does need some work. If you shine it everyday, it might glow. Meaning if you put some hard work into cleaning this poem, I'm sure it'll be perfectly good to read.

If you like me to go over anything, let me know!

Steggy