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Why can't you?

by Swetachowdhury0

I know you don't love me

Like I do,

But cant you pretend that at least

you do.

Why can't you see

When others can.

Why can't you

Understand my eyes

What they want to tell,

While others can.

It isn't hard to love me

You just have to stay beside me.

Look into my eyes

And give courage to me

To fight the world

To fight your heart

To be with me

To be mine.

It's hard to see you

Smiling and laughing

With someone else

I try to smile and

Look indifferent to you.

But it pierces my heart

Into thousands of pieces

Which I won't be able

To gather again.

Just come back once

And hold me in your arms

Let my heart cries in your arms.

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431 Reviews

Points: 13818
Reviews: 431

Tue May 21, 2019 5:01 pm
Liberty wrote a review...

But cant you pretend that at least

The bold word needs an apostrophe. I know that some people don't do the apostrophe thing much, but you used apostrophes in other words, that I couldn't just leave it hanging.

Understand my eyes

What they want to tell,

I would recommend putting an a before What. But it's your poem, so you can decide.

Let my heart cries in your arms.

The bold word, I don't think, needs to be plural. It can be cry. Well, anyways, that's it! Hope this helped, and I can't wait to see more of your wonderful poems on YWS.

And as always...

Keep on writing!


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188 Reviews

Points: 6116
Reviews: 188

Sun May 19, 2019 12:07 am
LadyBug says...

This honestly made me cry. Good job!

User avatar
188 Reviews

Points: 6116
Reviews: 188

Sun May 19, 2019 12:07 am
LadyBug says...

This honestly made me cry. Good job!

Random avatar

Points: 9
Reviews: 67

Thu Apr 04, 2019 3:31 am
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brookeallo wrote a review...

This poem has a more emotional feeling that you can tell is based on experience which adds emphasize and makes it easier for the reader to be able to connect with and understand. I think most of us have felt the feelings that are portrayed in this poem. One thing that could have been better is that there is a lot of repetitiveness in lines that changes the flow of the poem quite a bit. The ending I believe could have been better. The ending seems to tie the poem together but the last sentence is confusing as let my heart cry in your arms, isn't an easy imagery and doesn't make 100 percent sense. The repetitiveness in the last two lines where you say in my arms could be changed to where the last line is something as, "And never let me go." It would describe the yearning to be together again more and would sound better in the flow of the poem but other than that the poem had real emotion and connection and I hope you write more soon.

Thank you dear and welcome to yws. Will tag you when i write a new poem if you want.

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405 Reviews

Points: 36
Reviews: 405

Wed Apr 03, 2019 12:18 pm
Eros wrote a review...

Hey, Sweta!!

This is an amazing poem and is so relatable! It is about a broken heart that yearns for a special-someone's love. I really love how you have described the emotions and deep feelings of love. It does happen. I have myself felt this feeling...I especially liked the format in which you have written the poem. The starting with a question to your love as to why can't you love me back, if not, at least why don't you pretend you do. The way you describe the pain in the heart when you see your beloved laughing and smiling--and even more difficult thing being that you smile and act as if you are indifferent.

Everything here was described very beautifully. I really really liked the poem. It flows very well and has a deep meaning behind it.
The tittle indeed is very apt and appropriate. Awesome choice on that!

Keep writing such awesome poetries and other stuff, and I would love to keep reading and keep reviewing them!!

Have a great evening ahead!!

With love, from Eros!

Thank you so much @Eros. Happy that you liked it...good evening to you too

Thank you so much @Eros. Happy that you liked it...good evening to you too

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Points: 214
Reviews: 3

Wed Apr 03, 2019 8:45 am
EdelDove wrote a review...

Hey Swetachowhury0!
Oh how I know the sorrows and pains of a crush to well! I liked this poem because it was so relatable, I really understand the emotions you were conveying.
Right onward to the review, there are a few grammar errors not to worry though they are very minor and hardly worth the mention, a good double check will get them fixed right up. The flow is a bit choppy, I think if you combined some lines that would help.
In line seven may I suggest this instead?

("Why can't you understand, while other's can
It isn't hard to love me, you just have to stay beside me.
Look into my eyes and give me courage")

I think this will help tie it all in a little nicer.
Also maybe try breaks or shatters instead of pierces, it feels a bit out of place.

For the ending I'd also like to suggest this;
("But it pierces/shatters my heat into thousands of pieces,
I won't be able to gather them again.
Just come back once
And hold me
Let my heart cry into your arms."

This is only my opinion you can completely disregard it if you want!
With a few touchups I think this will be a really good poem. Hope to see more from you soon!

Happy Writing,

Hey, thank you for your opinion I will make the correction soon. And I divided it into paragraphs but it isn't working I don't know why. Glas you like it

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Wed Apr 03, 2019 8:20 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you like you asked. On this sunny day. I'll try and make this short, but most of the time that never works. XD

Okay first things first.
I'm going to start out with what I saw, that I would like to suggest, and could be fixed.
So the first thing is this.

Let my heart cries in your arms.

You see the word in bold, well it is spelt right, but I think this sentence will sound better if it was changed to cry.
Here is what it will sound like if it is changed.
Let my heart cry in your arms.

I think this will sound a little better, but if you don't agree then don't worry about changing anything.

Okay so the next thing I would like to suggest is that you put some spaces between some of your sentences, so it's like paragraphs, i think it will make the poem look a little better, but that was just a suggestion.

Okay so that's all I could see, now onto the fun stuff.

First off I really, really love the name your picked for your poem, it is very interesting and it got me ready for what was to come. And I'm sure if you hadn't asked me to review this, I'm sure I would have anyway. Because even your name carries a lot of emotion.

I think the length of your poem was really good. I think it was just long enough to paint a really good image in the readers head, with the emotion and the words you chose to use. I have know idea how you did it, but amazing job.

You punctuation was spot on through out the whole poem, as far as I could see. And there was know spelling mistakes. So that's a thumps up from me. :D

I would be lying if I said I could write this poem better, because I really couldn't. I hope you will never stop writing and post another work on YWS soon, so I can have the joy of reading and reviewing it for you again. Have a great day/night.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Thank you dear friend for your review. Its really help. You too have a great day

Glad I could help. :D

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